Nothing has changed.

Still feeling the same. Yuk and yuk and yuk. Work is good at the moment as it takes my mind of shit. I haven't had the kids this week and it has been good. Just come home and go to bed.

Last night I met a guy who I went to school with. We caught up on facebook. Turns out his parents live not far from me. It was nice to catch up. The only catch is that he is married yet his marriage is on its last legs and they are just holding out till Christmas. So he is txting me a lot etc. Which is all nice of course but he is unavailable. He keeps flirting a little which again is nice but not good. even if he does split with his wife I don't want someone straight out of a 13 year marriage. So I am keeping him at arms distance etc. But like in school we get on well and of course i like the attention. But on the other hand it upsets me as I just feel shit because only people like that want me. It is only because he and his wife are at each other and my life etc looks pretty good. I am under no illusions. Hence keeping him at bay. He wanted to catch up again this morning but i said no.

So yeah it is still sucky. I still haven't even put the Christmas tree up and still don't want to. NO doubt the kids will want to though.

So sorry there is not much more news. But basically my life is shit. I work I sleep. When the kids come home I will work. I will come home negotiate fights and then sleep. How exciting huh?

over it over it over it.

I have had enough. I am sick of everything. I just want to sleep until all the bad bits are over. And considering I have been saying that for many many years I don't see it happening anytime soon.


I can't believe I am at this point again in my life where I just so foul and yuk. Totally worthless and just a big fat nothing.

I don't want to do christmas. Ha what am I talking about I am not doing christmas anyway. M has fucked it all up yet again and I see the kids from 4pm Christmas day and then they go back to his house 10am the next morning. Christmas will be spent alone. Which is probably just as well.

Life sucks it really really does and I am over it.