Soooo long time no hear

I guess mainly because things are so busy with me. Work, kids, study and trying to have a life as well.

It would seem to be that I have met the one. He is now moved in and things are going ok. I say ok. He and I are good. Our lives are ok. lol. It is hard to explain. It has/is taking me a while to adjust to having someone live with me after 6 years of just me and the kids. It is taking time for him to adjust as well. Especially becoming step dad to three kids. I guess that is the biggest thing for us that we deal with on a day to day basis.

After being the only one for 6 years there are lots of things I have let slide with the kids. Otherwise I would just constantly be on them. I feel like that anyway. But the things that I have let slide are the things that get to P. Like the way the kids talk to me. I guess the respect thing. After a few humdingers of fights, it has been decided that I will deal with Patrick, the younger two P will wade in where needed. Things with Patrick are so hard. The whole teenage thing as well as having to deal with a shit dad. He has been suspended from school and in trouble a lot. P came into where it was at its worse and I guess we didn't totally agree so he has decided to back off. It has been a big learning curve for us all I guess.

P is great though. Albeit grumpy at times!! lol He just wants to look after me and for me to be happy. I love coming home to him. Knowing that he loves me. I have no doubt about that. It is great. I have had to review my way I think the whole relationship thing needs to be done sometimes though. But really no surprise there as I have always said I have had unreal expectations. I can't believe that just out of the blue though the one person I am going to spend my life with is here with me now!!

So to the other parts of my life. work is shit at the moment. Amazing how one person can impact so many people. In a negative way. But because I am the one who has to work so closely with her I am the one getting the shit mostly. I have spoken up about it though which in a way has made things worse but hopefully will settle soon.

Shit for brains is shit for brains. We had mediation last week. Wasn't that crap. It is just all about money for him. Even though I said I would pay for the private school he still would not agree. He wants me to forgo child support because he thinks that because I can send the kids to a private school then I don't need child support. As if I am letting him off of that. But yes it was all just about money and he will not agree to the private school. I am sending the kids there but he is not agreeing to it. In a way thank god for mediation. He can't just go back to court with this.

We also tried to talk about contact. I want it to be more flexible but he just wants it changed. We didn't get into this very far because all the earlier insults that he was throwing around I didn't react to but the mediators could see me getting upset when shit for brains started in saying that I was an unfit mum etc. There was no point going on then.

So much for no money though. Turns out he has preordered a PS3 game worth over $100 and he took the kids to the show. No I don't care about that apart from the fact he is crying poor to me. Piss off you dick.

So in a nutshell that is it really. I am still plodding along. Still having stresses. I just now have someone who thinks I am wonderful that I can take my stress out on. Which I do a lot. Poor guy cops me ranting sometimes. But hey he does it back when he needs to as well. Also means that I don't cook. I cooked tonight for the first time in months. Which surprisingly I didn't mind as much. Helps that I now have a dishwasher as well.

Ok well that is me done for now. No doubt it will be months before I get around to updating again.

I'm Back???/

Yeah it has been a long time I know. I guess things didn't really improve for quite a while. The thing with the separated (married man) ended bad. No surprise I guess. Long story short. I held off for ages. I ended up being suckered in. I ended up being hurt. Typical really. As of this morning though he is going back to his wife. I got a txt last night saying he was deleting me off of Facebook. Pity he is not deleting the other girl he moved onto after me as well. But goes to show how much I meant to him. Thankfully I made the choice to get out when I did otherwise I probably would have hurt more than I did. And that was a lot!

So I guess the biggest thing is my new man. Even before the above mentioned guy I decided I wanted to do things differently next time. With him it was different because I already knew him. Well with this one, (P) boy is it different. I guess I have known him now nearly 2 months. We see each other every day and basically he stays here every night. Full on huh! He used to be a chef up until a couple of years ago so he has gotten into my kids hearts via food lol. They love it. Must admit so do I. I have done basically no cooking which those who know me will know that is my dream come true right there.

He spoils me like I have never known before. Which is taking some getting used to. I also don't really feel so totally insecure in the relationship. Which is also a first. That has never happened before. I guess that is because I see him so much. He met my mum and dad very early on because he wanted to. It is really and truly so different from anything I have experienced before. I do not know what I am going to do. There are no little red flags etc like there have been with other guys. He has always has had long term relationships as well. He hasn't dated many so that gives me hope as well.

He is getting me jewelry for my birthday. Which he has ordered already. I guess that is an indication that he wants to hang around.

Things with Shit for Brains is still bad. Patrick is going to high school next year. I have him booked into a private school near me. Which will send me broke. But I have told SFB that I will meet all the school costs but he is still refusing to allow the kids to go there. Saying they need to go to the high school near him. This school has such a bad reputation. He says it is so they can ride their bikes from his place and he does not have to pay OSCH fees! They are with him 4 days in a fortnight and only have 2 of those days at school. Yet the school is 30 minutes away from me. Get real.

Anyway before we can go to court we have to do mediation. So we each meet with the mediator separately then meet together. I have had my first thing but he hasn't contacted them yet. I initiated it all so he is going to stall as long as he can I am sure. It is such crap because he must realise that if we do go to court the judge is going to think he is crazy to pass the fact that he does not have to pay for the fees and yet his kids still go to a private school.

Work is ok I guess. No where as good as they used to be now that managers have all changed around. It is better than it was earlier this year. I no longer end up in tears on some days. It is only really one person that makes it sucky and there is not much I can do about it. I just hope things just continue to get better.

The kids are the kids. Patrick turns 13 next week and has the teenager attitude already. It sucks and I am at my wits end sometimes. Especially as Lachlan copies him. What can I do but keep plodding along.

Has dropped off the planet

And doesn't really care much

Shit for Brains

So yes this is the longest that I have left it without saying anything. And now it is to rant and rave about my dickhead ex husband.

So Sunday night I had mum and dad look after my kids overnight so I could go to a farewell drinks thing for a girl at work. I rarely get mum and dad to look after them unless it is because I am working.

The kids were at SFB last night. Of course once he found out that mum and dad looked after the kids it was on. He told the kids I was a skank etc etc. I got txt messages from the kids saying they never want to go to his house again.

I found out today that he was telling them that they were fucking twits and he didn't want to know them. That where I live is full of fat single mums. They can do what they like because they don't exist. He constantly swore at them and carried on.

Not sure what I am going to do. I will have to ring him tomorrow while he is at work and leave a message telling him that the kids don't want to see him or be with him at the moment.

Of course there is a downside to all of this. If I didn't have a life before, I really won't have one now. I am going to be dead. And that is a really selfish view I know but it is really hard to work 9 hours, come home and cook and clean and sort the kids, with no break. But the kids come first and I am going to have to suck it up. They can not be around shit like that, they just can't.

Nothing has changed.

Still feeling the same. Yuk and yuk and yuk. Work is good at the moment as it takes my mind of shit. I haven't had the kids this week and it has been good. Just come home and go to bed.

Last night I met a guy who I went to school with. We caught up on facebook. Turns out his parents live not far from me. It was nice to catch up. The only catch is that he is married yet his marriage is on its last legs and they are just holding out till Christmas. So he is txting me a lot etc. Which is all nice of course but he is unavailable. He keeps flirting a little which again is nice but not good. even if he does split with his wife I don't want someone straight out of a 13 year marriage. So I am keeping him at arms distance etc. But like in school we get on well and of course i like the attention. But on the other hand it upsets me as I just feel shit because only people like that want me. It is only because he and his wife are at each other and my life etc looks pretty good. I am under no illusions. Hence keeping him at bay. He wanted to catch up again this morning but i said no.

So yeah it is still sucky. I still haven't even put the Christmas tree up and still don't want to. NO doubt the kids will want to though.

So sorry there is not much more news. But basically my life is shit. I work I sleep. When the kids come home I will work. I will come home negotiate fights and then sleep. How exciting huh?

over it over it over it.

I have had enough. I am sick of everything. I just want to sleep until all the bad bits are over. And considering I have been saying that for many many years I don't see it happening anytime soon.


I can't believe I am at this point again in my life where I just so foul and yuk. Totally worthless and just a big fat nothing.

I don't want to do christmas. Ha what am I talking about I am not doing christmas anyway. M has fucked it all up yet again and I see the kids from 4pm Christmas day and then they go back to his house 10am the next morning. Christmas will be spent alone. Which is probably just as well.

Life sucks it really really does and I am over it.

Yes it has been a while

So yes I know it has been quite a while. I guess I just haven't been in the mood to right anything.

So where to start? I am guessing with Mr 25. Things are going well. I still have my doubts. I do not trust at all. Which makes things really really hard for him. He knows how I feel. We went out a couple of weeks ago and had a great weekend. He met the kids last Sunday and that all went well. We have been spending all this weekend together as well. So what are the problems?

He does live so far away and of course has no bloody licence. I hate that. He is relying on trains and buses. Another thing has cropped up as well which means I no longer have all my weekends free. (I will go into that in a minute) So therefore he is concerned he is not going to see me as much and we are not seeing each other that much now. He was worried that I would keep my walls up for to long. But they are coming down. Albeit slowly. But now I know he is really concerned about not seeing me as much. So now I just feel it slipping away. Just after I let my heart open up a bit. It is really killing me and I have decided that I will speak to him tonight about it.

The reasons my weekends are no longer all going to be free? I got the trainee managers job. I will be staying at the store I am now. It starts on the 23rd. I know that there are going to be people that are going to be pissed off with this, especially as the other service trainee manager is leaving to another store. He is really well liked and respected. More so than i am in certain people's eyes. So it is going to be an interesting time that is for sure. I only found out yesterday so it is not well known yet.

So that is basically all that is happening at the moment. I am just plodding along not doing much really.

Oh and just for the record. A never came and did my brakes. Never got back in contact. I am going to have to contact him at some point as he has a key to my house and has a dvd of mine that I want back. I am not looking forward to dealing with it all. Especially knowing it is a problem apparently being friends.