The men in my life.

I have two guys in my life. Well sort of. First is G. I met him off the internet. Very bad he came to my house!!! But we hit it off as friend. We sort of came to an agreement fairly early on that we would only ever be friends. Ok so that relationship has come to include sex. Which is good for me because I have been able to trust again and not to feel like a piece of meat. Not the best of things to do morally. But the truth is I crave company so much that if it gets him here I will take it lol. But it isn't just the sex it is the whole before and after stuff as well. We do get on well and it isn't all about sex. We meet for coffee etc as well and also email and talk on msn lots. We just get on well. Thing is I have a huge crush on him. He knows this. We have talked about it. He says I would never be able to trust him. Probably true given that we were at it like rabbits while he had a girlfriend. Ummm ahhh you say. Yeah well I am not proud of it. I must admit also I would never ever cheat on my boyfriend and when it came close a few times to meeting number two we said oh this is the last time. G will always be in my life. How much in my life I don't know. I have never met any of his friends or family, like wise for mine. But in a way that is good. We both off load on each other. Maybe one day we will get together. It sometimes happens???? right????? Either way G has been a god send in that he has helped me see that I can trust guys again. That they do know how to respect women. He has never given me false expectations and has always been honest with me.

Second is J. I have known him for nearly two years. (just after I met G). I have never met him. Certainly not for the want of trying. I know J through the internet as well. I have never ever ever gotten on so well with someone as I do him. That is for male and and female. We really clicked. Well to be talking for nearly 2 years and still not have met must mean the we have something remotely in common for us to talk about. J has always been there for me in those 2 years. He comes from money and bloody lots of it. Consequently he doesn't work. (something to do with stock options on the internet) He has a son. So when I am home alone, sad and feeling sorry for myself he was always there. Always. We love music with the same passion, we love our kids to death and just everything else fell into place for us. Just little things. Ringing each other at the same time and getting engaged signals. That happened heaps. And many other little things that just screamed freaky but showed the connection between us. So why oh why you ask am I here telling you I am having sex with G and not with this guy! Well as aforementioned. We haven't met. He shys away from it every single time. We have had many an arguement over it and to this day I still don't understand why. The times between fights is now getting shorter and shorter. The length of times between not talking is getting longer. Yet we miss each other desperatly when this happens. His step father has just died a few weeks ago after a year long fight with cancer. This has always been his excuse this last year for not meeting but even though he is now dead there is no committment to meet being offered up. Ok sounds selfish but I am just sick of it all now. As much as I like the guy. I want a guy to want to meet me. Who can not wait to be with me. So ergo this is not the man for me. I am devestated by that. Mainly because I have no one else in my life. G is so bloody busy it isn't funny. So after having someone in my life albeit on the end of a phone etc full time to having nothing it hurts. Finally after many false break ups lol I think this is it. I finally deleted his phone numbers.

I guess some of you may just laugh at this and think I am sad. Well that maybe true but for me that phone relationship was all I had. And it was good. Shit it was great. We never ran out of things to talk about. if it wasn't for the fact that we hadn't met we were really like girlfriend and boyfriend. But it is done with now. And my life will change especially in the coming months and regardless of if I get into the cops or not I will be working and meeting new people.

So there you go. The two men in my life. And yet again another war and peace effort!!