Singledom....

There has been heaps of advertising for oasisactive.com.au on the tv for the last week or so. So I decided to give it a go. It is free and usually free sites are crap. Not that really the paid ones are any better.

Now I am picky. I would like to find a guy that lives reasonably close to me. I have been on RSVP on and off for the last 4 years. I met G off another free site. (that was crap) And all as you know to no avail. If the guys aren't wankers then they live miles away.

This site seems to hold all the single men in my suburb. Seriously I am blown away by how many there are here. So it seems I am talking to guys again. And really I hate it. The whole sussing each other out. The whole is he who is says he is, etc etc. I know I have to get through all that to get to a point like I am with G and like I was with J. But shit it is hard. I don't like putting it all out there in case I am not comfortable with them a bit later on. Does that make sense? I guess that is part of my nature, not wanting to hurt anyone. I don't want this guy to get to into me in case I decide that he is not who I want to spend time with. Arghhhh, I whinge I have no one but then complain when I start talking to one.

Well I will keep you informed......

On a different note....I have now found out what it is like to be without water. A water main burst today and the town was without water for 6 hours. Mum and dad were lucky and had at least a trickle of water coming out of the taps. I had nothing. No shower, no dishes done, no washing out the animal bowls and as we only drink water we were very close to having to go down the shop to get water for drinking!! Laura had a friend over and we were rationing the water!

Those claymations of Patrick??? He got a virus on his USB stick from the school! Luckily for me it went on mum and dad's computer first. Not good for them as they had to fork out the money to get it fixed. All is good now though. They are doing a 3 minute animation now. About 2000 pictures. Had to be an environment based, so they are doing it on the whaling. As Karen said there had to be killing.

Faylie had her kittens. We didn't know for a long time if she was pregnant or not but about the start of August we though yeah she is. Last Saturday she was very vocal and trying to nest in my bed and in my dirty close basket. Before I went to work I shut all the doors. When I finished work I went to mum and dad's to get Violet. I told them about Faylie and said when is she due. Dad said not until the 10th ish. They both told me that they start nesting ages before they have the kittens. We then joked that she would have had them on my lounge which at that time was covered in clean clothes that were yet to be put away. Yep you guessed it.....I got home and found her on the couch with 3 kittens and then her trying to eat a fourth dead one. I was not happy.

Eventually I got hold of dad and they came and got her and the babies. My lounge also got cleaned during the week. SoI am feeling better about it but honestly at the time I was so not happy and really hated having to deal with her trying to eat that kitten.

Getting my hair coloured tomorrow. The first time ever I am having my hair professionally coloured. Excited and scary at the same time!

Life is funny

Been having a really shitty time of it lately. Work is pissing me off but am trying to hang out until Christmas. Of course the no social life is making me sad as well. But I have been talking to a guy who I went to school with. He was actually in my brothers class. But we worked together at the supermarket and we had a little bit of touchy feely thing going on one time after work in my car lol. Anyway I don't really remember much about what he is like but he has turned out to be the sweetest thing.

He has 4 kids now!! He seems to adore his partner which is just lovely.


Lol and here I am all by myself.

chicken anyone?

really really horrible foul day. I said to a guy at work today who is a single dad who has his two boys basically full time..."do you ever get sick of it all.... the whole single part?" He of course said yes. But also had something positive to say about it. Which didn't do much for me.

This whole single thing is hard. Being single with three kids is hard. Then had to that just being single. It has just really beaten me down today. The kids just fight and are totally selfish. I feel like I am just the help. I didn't want to be around them today. I didn't want to come home after work. I drove to work this morning crying. Not just because the kids had driven me mad but also because I am alone. My partner is not just off somewhere for a little while but because there is no one. I don't get to txt someone and say I am having a crap day and they txt back something that helps me feel better. I don't get email messages from my partner telling me to hang in there. There are no lovely telephone calls . I don't have the end date here. The date that they are coming home after being gone for a while. There is none of that. It is just loneliness.

Why is it that I get compliments and flirted with by totally unavailable or undesirable men? It happens so much at work. This one guy asked for my phone number yesterday. But he is just not someone who I would go out with. Apart from the fact he has a massive beard!( sorry so not into facial hair) but he has full time custody of a baby girl that was the product of a one night stand that the mother suddenly decided she couldn't deal with it. Just to many things to deal with for my liking.

I have also put on a whole heap of weight. My foot has been really bad. I am not exercising and as such I am eating and putting on weight. I can really feel it. Just things like bending down etc it is really effecting me. I just generally feel foul. All this shit with the co-op is not helping. Hopefully after this meeting it will be over and I am taking time off from it.

My house is a mess. I am sick of that. I am sick of just wanting to come home from work and die. I really don't have the energy to stand there after cooking tea and doing the dishes. And yet I feel really guilty. Not guilty enough to do them but guilty enough to feel shit about it and then just put myself further into this rut. I feel bad because I shouldn't feel bad. I have a good job. I am ok money wise. Not wonderful but ok. I have good kids. (sometimes) I have a good house. Generally things are good. So why am I having a hard time of it at the moment.

Sick of it.

On an entirely different note. I am going to try and put Patrick's claymation on here. It is very cute. Make sure you have the sound on......I also don't know how there can be an Arnold 2 after Arnold's death but hey that's kid logic for you.

illness

I got the kids back Monday night. They had spent their weekend with him. Patrick says to me that night. Dad says you have to take me to the doc because I have bronchitis. He did have a really foul cough. The next day I take the day off work and yes Patrick has bronchitis and needs antibiotics and another day off school. Patrick informs me that he had been coughing like that since Saturday, Matt wouldn't take him to the doc because he couldn't afford the medication ($5) and didn't want to take the day off work on the Monday!! So I take the two days off work when if Matt had played dad instead of selfish git, I would have only had to take one day off!! So pissed off.

Then to top it all off, last night in their weekly phone call to their dad, he wants to talk to me. He wants time with Patrick one on one. This is over what the court order says!! WTF?? Yeah right as if that is going to happen. You could have had the Monday off with him dick wad!!! Not only that but Patrick does not want to spend more time with him!! Fucking wanking.

Lachlan has had these little sores on his back and a few on his arms. I just thought they were bites. I found though a couple in his hair and thought they looked a bit odd. He had an appointment tonight for a referral for his eyes so thought I would get it checked out. Chicken pox. Now you were all sitting there going "well duh that's what I would have thought" But would chicken pox be the first thing you think of when the mum of that child whilst pregnant with said child contracted chicken pox, then after birth had child immunised against chicken pox and then the child still gets chicken pox????? mmmm didn't think so. This is the second time he has had chicken pox! And he has been immunised against it! I think he is basically over it. Of course exposing everyone because I didn't really pay much attention. It is only a light case of it. They have all crusted over and I only really saw them when they were crusted over. That is the thing when your kids can dress themselves etc you don't see their bodies as much. I had noticed the few spots that were there but like I said just thought they were bites. Geez lol trust Lachlan.

I have a major headache. The co-op is causing problems again. To long and involved to go into it. It is only one person but that person is causing big problems and i don't even think the rest of the co-op even realise. Dad has been onto the governing body and they call it bullying. We have a meeting Sunday so I will be saying my piece there. The co-op won't like it but tough cookies. Meanwhile though I have a stress headache.


Talking of headaches. Cellfood. This is fantastic stuff. I am no longer taking vitamins. Just this stuff. It has made a world of difference to my general well being. Just Google it. It is there. http://www.cellfood.com.au/ There you go. I am so good to you all. lol

Ms Slacko strikes again

I know you are all waiting with bated breath to know what is happening with my life. lol. Not much and more of the same.

My foot is really getting me down. The other foot is going the same way. I think it is getting better but it is taking so long. As a result I am not exercising as I should and of course that in turn effects my eating. Which in turn effects my state of mind. Consequently I am feeling fairly crappy. I have little motivation to exercise and I need to find it again to get back into it again.

Work had been getting me down as well. Although I maybe front end controller, that is only in title only. I am just on register. Because we are not busy. I am the only one on apart from Fridays and Saturdays and then we are busy so that I have to stay on register anyway. I aspire more than just being a checkout chick. There are many factors surrounding all of this but in the end I spoke to Mark, my service manager. I told him I was thinking about getting another job because I wasn't happy. He wanted to know what I wanted to do. I said well ultimately trainee manager. He told me that you couldn't do that because of the hours. No more Saturday's off to see the kids play sports. (I swap a shift every few weeks to see the kids play soccer) and he basically gave me the impression I was only good for checkout and as I was single with 3 kids I couldn't do that job. I was left feeling very under valued and wanting to seriously go out and look for another job.

Yesterday I spoke to Brett. The store manager. He said that Mark is a bit immature and needs to be careful what he says. (he is only 26) So we spoke about my options and honestly there aren't many at the moment. Mainly because we just aren't that busy. I know that but I am still frustrated. I think Brett is worried that it if he takes me off register to do filling etc I would get sick of that as well but seriously. This point in time....no. So he did come up with an idea but not sure at the moment. He has to sort a few things out. It will involve me working later Friday and Saturdays. (starting later as well so that would be good for sports) And actually doing some front end controlling. Getting service 5's (change orders lol) and markdowns etc. All the stuff my title entails but I never do. So feel heaps better about my job again. I do love working there and the people but just need more sometimes.

My birthday was fairly crap. Mainly because I am so alone. No special guy wishing my happy birthday etc. All the usual. G did and then ask if he was the first one!! lol. He is odd sometimes the things he says to me. Really what difference does it make if he is the first one or not. He is all over the place with me and I don't' know sometimes just what his feelings are for me. I just pretend that he is a friend only and that is it. I see him at the gym once a week with a few txt and emails in between times. But then he throws in "was I the first to wish you happy birthday?" I don't get that. I also just feel alone. Karen was lovely and the girls at work are great but I don't get out. I don't do anything. The majority of my life is spent at home alone with no phone calls or anything. ho hum

Kids are good. Driving me insane but good. Patrick finally had his first claymation class Friday. I wish I had been there when he came out. Mum said he was smiling. That is a huge thing for him. He keeps such a closed lid on his feelings. (so like his dad) He has been having a hard time at work. He has had a relief teacher. He has been doing really easy work like learning how to tell the time and he is so past that. So after a few phone calls he finally got given some year 7 work and he cruised through that. Hopefully they will cotton on now that he needs to be challenged if they want him to behave in class. No way excuses his behaviour but geez give it a go.

I think that is it really. Still having trouble with the co-op but it is really only one person whom everyone else seems to listen to. Not worried about it really but it is still a pain in the bum.

Well that will do me. My house is a mess. I have a mountain of washing but I am going back to bed for a while to read my book.