chicken anyone?

really really horrible foul day. I said to a guy at work today who is a single dad who has his two boys basically full time..."do you ever get sick of it all.... the whole single part?" He of course said yes. But also had something positive to say about it. Which didn't do much for me.

This whole single thing is hard. Being single with three kids is hard. Then had to that just being single. It has just really beaten me down today. The kids just fight and are totally selfish. I feel like I am just the help. I didn't want to be around them today. I didn't want to come home after work. I drove to work this morning crying. Not just because the kids had driven me mad but also because I am alone. My partner is not just off somewhere for a little while but because there is no one. I don't get to txt someone and say I am having a crap day and they txt back something that helps me feel better. I don't get email messages from my partner telling me to hang in there. There are no lovely telephone calls . I don't have the end date here. The date that they are coming home after being gone for a while. There is none of that. It is just loneliness.

Why is it that I get compliments and flirted with by totally unavailable or undesirable men? It happens so much at work. This one guy asked for my phone number yesterday. But he is just not someone who I would go out with. Apart from the fact he has a massive beard!( sorry so not into facial hair) but he has full time custody of a baby girl that was the product of a one night stand that the mother suddenly decided she couldn't deal with it. Just to many things to deal with for my liking.

I have also put on a whole heap of weight. My foot has been really bad. I am not exercising and as such I am eating and putting on weight. I can really feel it. Just things like bending down etc it is really effecting me. I just generally feel foul. All this shit with the co-op is not helping. Hopefully after this meeting it will be over and I am taking time off from it.

My house is a mess. I am sick of that. I am sick of just wanting to come home from work and die. I really don't have the energy to stand there after cooking tea and doing the dishes. And yet I feel really guilty. Not guilty enough to do them but guilty enough to feel shit about it and then just put myself further into this rut. I feel bad because I shouldn't feel bad. I have a good job. I am ok money wise. Not wonderful but ok. I have good kids. (sometimes) I have a good house. Generally things are good. So why am I having a hard time of it at the moment.

Sick of it.

On an entirely different note. I am going to try and put Patrick's claymation on here. It is very cute. Make sure you have the sound on......I also don't know how there can be an Arnold 2 after Arnold's death but hey that's kid logic for you.