Not much happening here today. I had big plans because the weather is lovely and the rest of the week it is disgustingly hot but I feel blah. I am down and just generally not feeling myself.
I spoke to D a while ago just to find out if he wanted to come to Karen's on Monday, he isn't and it doesn't look like I am seeing him this weekend. This shouldn't bother me but in a way it does because I love spending time with him and as I feel down I know he would cheer me up. Not much I can do about it. I don't know when I will see him again and I will leave it up to him. I won't ring or anything, just leave him be.
I saw him yesterday when he came into work. He was very excited about moving into a house. He was going to share with this woman he knows. He was so excited. Seems it has fallen through and he can't really afford it by himself. So he is thinking about looking for someone else to share with him. Me being so insecure doesn't like it but that is my own problem. I think today with my head feeling crappy and feeling a bit ill, I am just down.
Tomorrow I am catching up with an old friend. The kids all ended up going to different schools so we lost contact but got in contact again through D, who went to school with her. Monday we are going to Karen's which I am looking forward to. Was just going to be just us but it has turned into a Australia Day gathering. That is fine. I get on so well with her family.
My weight loss is going well at the moment. Finally hit the 73's today. I have been on the treadmill this morning. (although given how I feel now I am regretting that move) I also went on it a couple of times during the week as well. Jogging again for 15 minutes which I am pleased with. So not seeing D for a bit will let me lose a bit more weight hopefully. I am on optifast now. So fingers crossed I can get into the 60's soon. D is great when it comes to saying such nice things about it. The support I get from him helps so much. No one else says a thing about it. Which sucks but it is the norm for me.
Well I am going to have a lie down and read my book. Hopefully later I will feel a bit better and get some of the planned stuff done.
Saturday 24 January 2009
Wednesday 21 January 2009
Just another entry
I am so loving work at the moment. Ann-Marie has a trial all this week so I am in the office. It is different this time though. When I was in the office last time when she was away it was just me filling in. This time, although I am only filling in for a bit I know this is going to be my job. I have more interaction with the other staff. I find out more goss. (always important) And I have a better idea of what is happening around the store. Add to that the variety and the fact I am off register well what more can I say. When she does come back I don't know how I am going to cope being on registers again even for the little while until I start the new job.
D has me in a head spin again. I hadn't seen him since Sunday when we all went to the beach again. Only spoken to him once. That was when he rang and left a message on my phone saying "I drove passed your work and your car was there and now it isn't. Are you ok. Hope everything is ok. Ring me." Lol very sweet. I had just gone around to pick some stuff up for work and it was to big to carry all the way back so I drove.
But I rang him after I didn't see him on facebook. Apparently he has deleted it and himself off the dating site. Again. Says that he couldn't' see me as much as he is hurting me because he knows I want more and he can't offer more. So on the back of him saying that he came around tonight. Only stayed and hour or so. But it was so nice. We just chatted inside while the kids played outside. All the while him complimenting me on my looks and my weight loss. He kept saying you look different you have makeup on. Lol I always have makeup on. Granted I did my eyes a bit different which he noticed but I just said nothing is different. His response was well I must be looking at you in a different light.
Who knows what is happening. We didn't really talk about us much. Other than the fact he kept saying that nothing is going to happen between us. Relationship wise that is. I said I get that but I didn't want things to change from what we have.
Why do I get mixed up with guys that just aren't available? I really really like him. But he is just so mixed up in the head right now. I think he is starting to sort himself out but even so. One of the things he liked about not being in a relationship was the fact he could do whatever he liked etc. Now I don't know about anyone else but I thought for a guy to think like that he means he just wants to go out and be with different girls. Funny thing is D is not like that and tonight he said to me that he was trying to be like that and realised that he isn't.
Sex is not a huge thing with us. Only because he won't allow it to be because he worries I will get hurt. The sex is great when we do have it but we just don't have a lot of it. One night I said to him something along the lines of in a years time when we are sitting here blah blah. He said back Kate in a years time if we are together I know for a fact we will not be sitting here we will be busy doing other things!! And I will let you use your imagination for the the other things.
The thing he doesn't seem to get in his man head is that it isn't the sex side that will draw me in. It is the cuddles, it is the nice words, the spending time with my kids. They are the things that suck me right in. I have told him that but being a man it is all connected to his dick. So he figures I must think like that as well. lol.
So I don't know. Only a few weeks ago he was talking of moving to Mt Gambier, and that went by the way side. He is full of stuff to do but at the moment doesn't follow through. I am happy with the way things are if more comes of it in the future so be it but for now I just don't want things to change. For now I am happy to wait and see which way the wind blows. If it doesn't blow in my favour down the track well I will figure it out then. I just hope things don't change the way they are in the meantime.
D has me in a head spin again. I hadn't seen him since Sunday when we all went to the beach again. Only spoken to him once. That was when he rang and left a message on my phone saying "I drove passed your work and your car was there and now it isn't. Are you ok. Hope everything is ok. Ring me." Lol very sweet. I had just gone around to pick some stuff up for work and it was to big to carry all the way back so I drove.
But I rang him after I didn't see him on facebook. Apparently he has deleted it and himself off the dating site. Again. Says that he couldn't' see me as much as he is hurting me because he knows I want more and he can't offer more. So on the back of him saying that he came around tonight. Only stayed and hour or so. But it was so nice. We just chatted inside while the kids played outside. All the while him complimenting me on my looks and my weight loss. He kept saying you look different you have makeup on. Lol I always have makeup on. Granted I did my eyes a bit different which he noticed but I just said nothing is different. His response was well I must be looking at you in a different light.
Who knows what is happening. We didn't really talk about us much. Other than the fact he kept saying that nothing is going to happen between us. Relationship wise that is. I said I get that but I didn't want things to change from what we have.
Why do I get mixed up with guys that just aren't available? I really really like him. But he is just so mixed up in the head right now. I think he is starting to sort himself out but even so. One of the things he liked about not being in a relationship was the fact he could do whatever he liked etc. Now I don't know about anyone else but I thought for a guy to think like that he means he just wants to go out and be with different girls. Funny thing is D is not like that and tonight he said to me that he was trying to be like that and realised that he isn't.
Sex is not a huge thing with us. Only because he won't allow it to be because he worries I will get hurt. The sex is great when we do have it but we just don't have a lot of it. One night I said to him something along the lines of in a years time when we are sitting here blah blah. He said back Kate in a years time if we are together I know for a fact we will not be sitting here we will be busy doing other things!! And I will let you use your imagination for the the other things.
The thing he doesn't seem to get in his man head is that it isn't the sex side that will draw me in. It is the cuddles, it is the nice words, the spending time with my kids. They are the things that suck me right in. I have told him that but being a man it is all connected to his dick. So he figures I must think like that as well. lol.
So I don't know. Only a few weeks ago he was talking of moving to Mt Gambier, and that went by the way side. He is full of stuff to do but at the moment doesn't follow through. I am happy with the way things are if more comes of it in the future so be it but for now I just don't want things to change. For now I am happy to wait and see which way the wind blows. If it doesn't blow in my favour down the track well I will figure it out then. I just hope things don't change the way they are in the meantime.
Saturday 17 January 2009
Naughty bad blogger...... 17th Jan 2009
Look how long it has been. I need to update more. Because then I don't sit here and think I don't have time for this but really need to lol.
So what has been happening? More of the same I guess. Xmas and new year D and I spent a hell of a lot of time together.Things have settle down a bit now though. With him constantly telling me that we are just friends. But we are having a good time together. I poked him in the chest the other day and said I am getting in there and his response was yes I think you are. You are working your way in there. That was nice to hear. Occasionally I get upset with stuff with him. But I do know he likes me and it is just a waiting game. I keep saying the same things over and over I know. But that is what is happening.
We spent New Years at Karen's and that was a lovely night. They met D. Karen is reserving her judgement of him though until she meets him without the booze involved lol but so far so good she says!
Last weekend D drove the kids and I onto the beach. It was a lovely night. Photos on facebook for those who have that. The kids had such a great time. It makes it so much better to be able to drive the car onto the beach. Otherwise Patrick and I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much. I know that. He is very much like me in that respect with the heat and the beach. The kids like D as well. D is a bit chuffed with that. We were talking the other night about the kids, as he saw them with Matt and they saw him. Interesting to hear what Matt said about that. But anyway. D made the note that Patrick is very comfortable around him and D said to let Patrick do the stuff like putting seaweed on D's head etc. He also said that even if we are not together in a relationship he is not letting the guys past him to Laura unless he ok's it. I laughed at that one.
Work is very interesting at the moment. Ann-Marie is on call for jury duty. All this week she has been getting a txt message at four saying if she is needed or not. Finally on Friday she got the call up for Monday. So I am in the office on Monday which I am pleased about.
The other good thing (there is a down side though) I am going to be doing Ann-Marie's job at the end of Feb as she is leaving. (that is the down side) I am so excited. No more working on the weekends. 8-4 everyday. Patrick is not happy about going into OSCH every morning but there isn't much I can do about it. There are more good things about this job than bad and I can't knock it back just because he doesn't want to go to OSCH. It means I will be level 4. And full time. No longer on register. Well that is actually debatable. Mark has a problem I think with me doing this job. Ah Mark just has a problem with me full stop. He isn't going to treat me with the same respect that he does with Anne-Marie and that ticks me. Ann-Marie and I have talked about it though and I have a plan of attack. And honestly Ian the store manager knows how much I butt heads with Mark so I can just talk to him if it gets out of hand. Hopefully it won't though.
My poor poor car got written off from the accident in Nov. Written off means they put in a report saying it is written off. It is uninsured and I have to wait for them to send me the money. Which means I don't have a car. So D bless him said he would lend me the money until I get the insurance money. So I brought a new car last Friday. The body is not as good as my old one but it is 2 years younger and it is on gas. It does seem to drive ok and really I am happy with it. I just loved my old car.
And that is about it really I am losing weight again since losing the 7 kilos before Xmas. D commented on it the other night when I wore a pair of jeans that I have not worn for years. He then commented on it to 2 other people. It is nice but embarrassing as well having him draw their attention to it.
Right I now better go and clean my house before I get the kids back today. My nana is actually dying. Her kidneys amongst other things have packed up and not much they can do for her. I saw her Monday and she looked great but I want to take the kids to see her before she does start going down hill. It sucks you know life cruises on ok for me lately but then something like this happens. I think I am shutting a huge amount out because I haven't really thought about it but now sitting here typing about it I am near tears. I guess years of keeping things hidden and in their little boxes I am a pro at it. Lol Poor D is going to have a nut case on his hands when I do deal with it. Did I saw he met nana? When we were coming back from Wallaroo I found out (long story) she was in hospital. I got upset and D said come on lets go and see her. So so very nice of him.
So what has been happening? More of the same I guess. Xmas and new year D and I spent a hell of a lot of time together.Things have settle down a bit now though. With him constantly telling me that we are just friends. But we are having a good time together. I poked him in the chest the other day and said I am getting in there and his response was yes I think you are. You are working your way in there. That was nice to hear. Occasionally I get upset with stuff with him. But I do know he likes me and it is just a waiting game. I keep saying the same things over and over I know. But that is what is happening.
We spent New Years at Karen's and that was a lovely night. They met D. Karen is reserving her judgement of him though until she meets him without the booze involved lol but so far so good she says!
Last weekend D drove the kids and I onto the beach. It was a lovely night. Photos on facebook for those who have that. The kids had such a great time. It makes it so much better to be able to drive the car onto the beach. Otherwise Patrick and I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much. I know that. He is very much like me in that respect with the heat and the beach. The kids like D as well. D is a bit chuffed with that. We were talking the other night about the kids, as he saw them with Matt and they saw him. Interesting to hear what Matt said about that. But anyway. D made the note that Patrick is very comfortable around him and D said to let Patrick do the stuff like putting seaweed on D's head etc. He also said that even if we are not together in a relationship he is not letting the guys past him to Laura unless he ok's it. I laughed at that one.
Work is very interesting at the moment. Ann-Marie is on call for jury duty. All this week she has been getting a txt message at four saying if she is needed or not. Finally on Friday she got the call up for Monday. So I am in the office on Monday which I am pleased about.
The other good thing (there is a down side though) I am going to be doing Ann-Marie's job at the end of Feb as she is leaving. (that is the down side) I am so excited. No more working on the weekends. 8-4 everyday. Patrick is not happy about going into OSCH every morning but there isn't much I can do about it. There are more good things about this job than bad and I can't knock it back just because he doesn't want to go to OSCH. It means I will be level 4. And full time. No longer on register. Well that is actually debatable. Mark has a problem I think with me doing this job. Ah Mark just has a problem with me full stop. He isn't going to treat me with the same respect that he does with Anne-Marie and that ticks me. Ann-Marie and I have talked about it though and I have a plan of attack. And honestly Ian the store manager knows how much I butt heads with Mark so I can just talk to him if it gets out of hand. Hopefully it won't though.
My poor poor car got written off from the accident in Nov. Written off means they put in a report saying it is written off. It is uninsured and I have to wait for them to send me the money. Which means I don't have a car. So D bless him said he would lend me the money until I get the insurance money. So I brought a new car last Friday. The body is not as good as my old one but it is 2 years younger and it is on gas. It does seem to drive ok and really I am happy with it. I just loved my old car.
And that is about it really I am losing weight again since losing the 7 kilos before Xmas. D commented on it the other night when I wore a pair of jeans that I have not worn for years. He then commented on it to 2 other people. It is nice but embarrassing as well having him draw their attention to it.
Right I now better go and clean my house before I get the kids back today. My nana is actually dying. Her kidneys amongst other things have packed up and not much they can do for her. I saw her Monday and she looked great but I want to take the kids to see her before she does start going down hill. It sucks you know life cruises on ok for me lately but then something like this happens. I think I am shutting a huge amount out because I haven't really thought about it but now sitting here typing about it I am near tears. I guess years of keeping things hidden and in their little boxes I am a pro at it. Lol Poor D is going to have a nut case on his hands when I do deal with it. Did I saw he met nana? When we were coming back from Wallaroo I found out (long story) she was in hospital. I got upset and D said come on lets go and see her. So so very nice of him.
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