So just do not want to be here. Already my weekend looms ahead full of loneliness and nothingness. I knew this would happen. I just want to pack up and go away. Realistically though I know it will be the same everywhere but least I would be away from A.
I don't know what is going on. Well I guess I do. We are friends. He txt me before I got on the plan, and we have been in contact while I have been away. But I want more than that. He offered me so much and then just took it all away. I am supposed to be catching up with him at some point hopefully tonight but I am so stressed about it. I don't want to know if he is seeing other girls but I do want to know. I don't know how it is going to be around him. I haven't seen him since he ended the relationship.
I am just sick of it all. I do want someone in my life and I just can't see it happening. I hate feeling like this. I wish in a way I had never met A because he showed me what could happen and then it feels like I can't ever have it.
I am over pretending but what else can I do? No one who hasn't not been in this situation can ever even attempt to understand it. And most people around me haven't been in this situation.
I am so so very over this.
Queensland was great. The kids drove me insane but I did knew they would. But it was fantastic. It was so good to see Raina again. And I met one of her daughters as well which was good. It was nice to be able to relax and chat. The kids had a great time. We are all so very tired. I do just want to pack up and move away from here. Just to start again. Yes it is called running away. But even though that is not an option it feels like the only one I have and I don't even have that at the moment. That doesn't make sense but it does to me.
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