Life is just ticking along really. I am really really tired and haven't been taekwondo for ages. Mainly because it is so hard finishing work at 4. By the time I get home it is near 4.30. That is if I haven't had to stop along the way to get stuff or something. Then cook tea, blah blah blah. I am just finding it hard. Next week I start a new roster. I am on register for 3 hours 3 days a week. But I am starting at 7 each day and finishing at 3. That should help me get some down time between finishing work and dealing with the home stuff.
D is good. Things are still not exactly where I would like them but he just rang me to say that he brought new pillows! lol. We spend a huge amount of time together and I love that. Last night I was around there for dinner. We then went to glenelg for ice cream and hot chocolate. We went for a walk and it was a lovely night. We then came home and watched a movie on his big tv. The night before he had spent at my place. He is coming over Thursday night and I will cook for him. Saturday night we are finally having the roast dinner that he has been planning for a long time. So funny, when he first told me about it I said I will have to see if I have the kids that weekend. He said no you haven't I checked lol.
We have booked a room in town for middle of April. We are staying there and having a night on the town and spending the day in town the next day. Going to the botanical gardens and the museum etc. I can't wait.
The most exciting thing is going to happen this weekend though. I am meeting someone that I have known for quite a few years now but never met. We get on really well I consider her a very good friend. She is coming to Adelaide. I can't wait to meet and just sit and chat!!
I am typing all this on my new laptop. I love it. I am still getting used to Vista and making this computer my own like the desktop is. But I will get there. I brought mum and dad one as well. Bit disappointed with that actually. I got them the laptop, the wireless router and went around and sorted it for them and I got no thankyou or anything. It sucks considering I spend my life it feels saying thankyou to them for looking after my kids and that. They don't even have them that much really. I just wish there was some acknowledgement.
Not much else is happening. My weight is still the same. Only because I don't stop feeding my face. I really want to fit into my little black dress for our night away so I am going to have to do something about it. Starting tomorrow. I will do it.
ok off to bed for me. I slept so well at D's last night but for some reason am really tired. I have not been having my cell food as I should and I think that is the main reason.
Tuesday 24 March 2009
Sunday 8 March 2009
And the roller coaster goes up and down......
When will D wake up and realise is all I have to say really. Lol well no I have more to say than that.
Friday night I went out with a friend for her 42nd Birthday. There were 8 of us. I didn't really know most of them. (Although as well as the birthday girl 2 others knew D when he was growing up!!) We went out for dinner and then went to a club. Where basically everyone was in there 40's plus. It was a good night but I left reasonably early as I just wasn't into the old men staring and also my mind was else where.
That else where was D having yet another date. A date that went so well he ended back at her house. He didn't stay the night and didn't sleep with her. I don't know if they locked tongues or not. I don't think so but I am not game to ask. So I spent the night worrying about that.
The next morning I txt him about these two other women I met who knew him and he called me. We spoke briefly about his date. Mainly because although I wanted to know I skimmed over it. But she is 40 with 3 kids who are older. (20's) One is gay and D was chatting to him about stuff that night apparently. She used to teach gymnastics so she has a lovely toned body. (yeah just what I needed to hear.) But had an old face with the make up caked on. Now he has a thing for faces so I know that ultimately he won't be attracted to that. So that was good to know.
He invited the kids and I to come and watch his eldest play soccer. So we went and did that Saturday. Was a nice time. His mum was there as well as his son's girlfriend. So we watched and chatted. Found out that the date has asked D to go to the Hyatt with her tonight. She was staying there and invited him. He told me about it and said he really has no interest in going. Nice to hear.
Today I was taking the kids to a wildlife park and invited D along with his young son. His mum and step dad came along as well. It was a great day. The kids were so well behaved. Everyone got on really well. Afterwards we went and got fish and chips. D's parents took the kids to wait at the park while D and I got lunch so that gave us some time. Then while the kids played in a playground his parents went and got coffee. Alone time again. It was nice. He comment on how it is nice to do this with the kids but we will have more alone time again. We need to do more of this etc etc.
Later on we went to D's house to check out his new plasma. It is massive!!!! So we have made plans for Saturday when we don't have kids. He is cooking me a roast. We are having wine, cheese, dips etc and watching a movie on it. Can't wait.
I also informed him I have a date tomorrow. D is off to the races. (public holiday here) I drop the kids off at 3. I am not that keen on the date. This guy is quite serious. I have actually put a time frame on the date as I need an end date. I shouldn't be doing this as really my heart isn't in it and this guy is really serious about finding someone. He is a widower and that bothers me a bit as well. Oh well it won't kill me I guess and hopefully it will make D think abit, which is the added bonus. That is not why I made the date but I won't be making anymore with other guys. I am really regretting saying yes to this guy now.
I of course will let you know how it all goes.
Friday night I went out with a friend for her 42nd Birthday. There were 8 of us. I didn't really know most of them. (Although as well as the birthday girl 2 others knew D when he was growing up!!) We went out for dinner and then went to a club. Where basically everyone was in there 40's plus. It was a good night but I left reasonably early as I just wasn't into the old men staring and also my mind was else where.
That else where was D having yet another date. A date that went so well he ended back at her house. He didn't stay the night and didn't sleep with her. I don't know if they locked tongues or not. I don't think so but I am not game to ask. So I spent the night worrying about that.
The next morning I txt him about these two other women I met who knew him and he called me. We spoke briefly about his date. Mainly because although I wanted to know I skimmed over it. But she is 40 with 3 kids who are older. (20's) One is gay and D was chatting to him about stuff that night apparently. She used to teach gymnastics so she has a lovely toned body. (yeah just what I needed to hear.) But had an old face with the make up caked on. Now he has a thing for faces so I know that ultimately he won't be attracted to that. So that was good to know.
He invited the kids and I to come and watch his eldest play soccer. So we went and did that Saturday. Was a nice time. His mum was there as well as his son's girlfriend. So we watched and chatted. Found out that the date has asked D to go to the Hyatt with her tonight. She was staying there and invited him. He told me about it and said he really has no interest in going. Nice to hear.
Today I was taking the kids to a wildlife park and invited D along with his young son. His mum and step dad came along as well. It was a great day. The kids were so well behaved. Everyone got on really well. Afterwards we went and got fish and chips. D's parents took the kids to wait at the park while D and I got lunch so that gave us some time. Then while the kids played in a playground his parents went and got coffee. Alone time again. It was nice. He comment on how it is nice to do this with the kids but we will have more alone time again. We need to do more of this etc etc.
Later on we went to D's house to check out his new plasma. It is massive!!!! So we have made plans for Saturday when we don't have kids. He is cooking me a roast. We are having wine, cheese, dips etc and watching a movie on it. Can't wait.
I also informed him I have a date tomorrow. D is off to the races. (public holiday here) I drop the kids off at 3. I am not that keen on the date. This guy is quite serious. I have actually put a time frame on the date as I need an end date. I shouldn't be doing this as really my heart isn't in it and this guy is really serious about finding someone. He is a widower and that bothers me a bit as well. Oh well it won't kill me I guess and hopefully it will make D think abit, which is the added bonus. That is not why I made the date but I won't be making anymore with other guys. I am really regretting saying yes to this guy now.
I of course will let you know how it all goes.
Wednesday 4 March 2009
More realisations
The kids has swimming last night. Which involves the younger two and myself having an hour to kill while Patrick has squads. So I went and did the shopping and then went to wash the car. (because it was forecast to rain). When I finished washing the car there were two missed calls from D. He was at my place.
He ended up waiting for me which is so nice. I had had a really long day. I had started work at 7 and basically had not stopped until we got home from swimming. He had brought with him a bottle of Jacks. So once the kids were in bed it went down. There is only a tiny bit left. I can't believe we drank that much. More to the point I can't believe I woke up this morning without feeling like I had anything to drink.
Anyway like we do we spent the evening chatting. Being silly etc. And I found out that yes I was right in that he is just seeing himself as free until he comes back from his trip. He can do what he likes when he likes but when he comes back things will change. And I think he is really including me in that. He has made this comment before and I think it is a good point. We may not have even met for another year in which he would have done all this "free" stuff. I would have had to accept that that was in his past etc. Get what I am saying??? I like that I am here for all this. He has changed so much. And I can see he is considering settling down soon. I like to think it is with me. Funny though he had two other offers to go out last night but he chose to wait in my drive way for me. He told me how much he enjoyed Sunday. How much he enjoys my company. I love it. The things he says....just make me feel so worth while. Never before has anyone make me feel like this.
Onto other topics. Like nits. Geez. The kids got nits for the first time last year. SO I have been lucky. This year though I am struggling to get rid of the suckers. I think mainly because someone in the classrooms is not dealing with it. It is to the point now I need to do it every day. I kill the live ones and then any eggs I do happen to miss hatch and they lay more eggs. This cycle seems to go every day. So I figure I just kill the live ones everyday. Keep on top of the eggs and by the end of the week I may just get there.
It has been raining here since yesterday. It is so nice. D woke up this morning and said isn't it nice to have that breeze making the room so cool. And he is so right. It has been so hot here during the last month for once it is nice to decide to shut windows because it is to cold.
Patrick has been in trouble at school. I don't really know the full story. His new teacher is very very young and I think she is trying to get control before she loses control over the class. So any little thing and she is on them. But having said that I have no doubts he is being a little shit. Apparently him and some other boys have to report to the front office in the morning to sign stuff on how they are going to behave. I am ticked that I have only just been told of this and in the morning Dad is going with Patrick to see what is really going on and help Patrick get his side of the story across. I don't need this. There always has to be something. Without fail.
He ended up waiting for me which is so nice. I had had a really long day. I had started work at 7 and basically had not stopped until we got home from swimming. He had brought with him a bottle of Jacks. So once the kids were in bed it went down. There is only a tiny bit left. I can't believe we drank that much. More to the point I can't believe I woke up this morning without feeling like I had anything to drink.
Anyway like we do we spent the evening chatting. Being silly etc. And I found out that yes I was right in that he is just seeing himself as free until he comes back from his trip. He can do what he likes when he likes but when he comes back things will change. And I think he is really including me in that. He has made this comment before and I think it is a good point. We may not have even met for another year in which he would have done all this "free" stuff. I would have had to accept that that was in his past etc. Get what I am saying??? I like that I am here for all this. He has changed so much. And I can see he is considering settling down soon. I like to think it is with me. Funny though he had two other offers to go out last night but he chose to wait in my drive way for me. He told me how much he enjoyed Sunday. How much he enjoys my company. I love it. The things he says....just make me feel so worth while. Never before has anyone make me feel like this.
Onto other topics. Like nits. Geez. The kids got nits for the first time last year. SO I have been lucky. This year though I am struggling to get rid of the suckers. I think mainly because someone in the classrooms is not dealing with it. It is to the point now I need to do it every day. I kill the live ones and then any eggs I do happen to miss hatch and they lay more eggs. This cycle seems to go every day. So I figure I just kill the live ones everyday. Keep on top of the eggs and by the end of the week I may just get there.
It has been raining here since yesterday. It is so nice. D woke up this morning and said isn't it nice to have that breeze making the room so cool. And he is so right. It has been so hot here during the last month for once it is nice to decide to shut windows because it is to cold.
Patrick has been in trouble at school. I don't really know the full story. His new teacher is very very young and I think she is trying to get control before she loses control over the class. So any little thing and she is on them. But having said that I have no doubts he is being a little shit. Apparently him and some other boys have to report to the front office in the morning to sign stuff on how they are going to behave. I am ticked that I have only just been told of this and in the morning Dad is going with Patrick to see what is really going on and help Patrick get his side of the story across. I don't need this. There always has to be something. Without fail.
Monday 2 March 2009
The ramblings of a drunken man.....
So I had the best day yesterday. The best. Which was a great change from the night before. D had gone on yet another date. I was going to meet a guy off the dating site. Until that is he decided he wanted a full body shot of me. Not rude, just wanted a full shot of me. I wouldn't take one. It is to hard and they always look horrible. So in the end I told him I was a bit over weight, what size clothing I wore etc. I was ticked by this stage. He replied oh well to be honest so he is not wasting my time he felt that we would get on mentally but that is it. So that was a lovely boast to my confidence. So add to that sitting at home wondering how D's date was going I had a really crap night.
Sunday though I was heading to the zoo with D. We were walking to the train station from his place when he said to me aren't you going to ask. Lol my response was it must have been good has you have not said anything. Well turns out she wasn't his type. Not attracted to her at all.
So we had fun. We caught the train and had some breakfast in town. And then to the zoo. It was great. Lovely weather. We got a bit hot in the sun sometimes but generally it was fine.
We had a wander around Rundle Mall as neither of us have been in ages. And then he took me to the casino. Ok so it is about 3.30 at this point and we hadn't thought of eating. We start drinking at the casino. I have only been to the casino once before. That was before kids and I don't really remember it. So D had a great time showing me everything. And of course we got a bit happy.
What was really good though was that we talked. We had some dinner there and we talked. Now I was drunk but still in control of myself if that makes sense? Now I get drunk very easily. So if I was still ok I assume that D was probably better off than I was. Now the things we talked about were about us and well just us really. I told him how every time he goes out with someone else it kills me (which he said he knows) but part of me knows that all will be well because none of these women are for him. He just looked at me and said well all the dates so far have been crap. We talked about marriage. How he things that if he asked me right now I would say yes. (which I wouldn't because he is not ready) so he then said what if i asked when I came back (his overseas trip). I told him I would certainly think about it. (for maybe a year or two)
He told me again that he is not ready to take on my kids yet. That is fine. I don't want him to. He also said that when he comes back from his trip he is ready to be settled. Not settled as in settle down although that is part of it but just settled within himself. He has changed so much since I first met him. All for the good. We just talked so much about what we are both looking for and how we want our next relationship to be. Put it this way.... there is real possibility for this to happen with us and if it doesn't well I deal with it but still have him as a friend. We are to good together to let hurt get in the way of that.
Anyway the night was just great. We nearly got kicked out of the bar because we were like two teenagers. I love that. I love that we can act like that at our age. I love that we can go outside and be a bit naughty. The whole risk factor. We finally got home after 12. I have blisters on the souls of my feet. They are so sore. We walked so much. We also missed a train and had to wait another hour for one. So even later getting back to his house. I ended up getting up at 5.15 to go back to my place to get ready and be at work by 7.30. I am tired.
So my pondering mind ponders this.......how much do you believe that comes out of the mouth of a man that is a bit high on booze?? I guess I know the situation so that I feel that I can put stock in it and it is the truth. Many things he has said before as well so that makes me think that the booze helps him out with expressing his proper feelings a bit better. He said again that his heart is concrete but there is a crack in there and I am in that crack. (lol sounds a bit rude now but didn't last night) So I guess I could just be hanging onto something that he wants me to but I dont' think so. He wasn't dribbling shit. We were talking. And if I was in control of what I was saying so was he.
But now I think we just go back to the way we were. I am ok with that. I think that the turning point is he os trip. It is like that is the final thing and then he will settle. He is seeing that. He is using that. I said to him what if you come back and still not sorted. He said no I will be. So I think it is like a mind thing with him. He probably would be fine now but in his mind it is tied to this trip. I can deal with that.
Lol you all probably just think I am nuts. But I like this guy and it feels very right. So different from G and J. I need to trust my instincts because they are very usually right. And I don't often get feelings like this. But in the past when I have it has turned out right. I know he is not playing me as he has no bargaining tools. We just keep saying how good we are together. D just piss off overseas already!!!!
Ok perhaps I should have titled this the ramblings of a besotted woman?????
Sunday though I was heading to the zoo with D. We were walking to the train station from his place when he said to me aren't you going to ask. Lol my response was it must have been good has you have not said anything. Well turns out she wasn't his type. Not attracted to her at all.
So we had fun. We caught the train and had some breakfast in town. And then to the zoo. It was great. Lovely weather. We got a bit hot in the sun sometimes but generally it was fine.
We had a wander around Rundle Mall as neither of us have been in ages. And then he took me to the casino. Ok so it is about 3.30 at this point and we hadn't thought of eating. We start drinking at the casino. I have only been to the casino once before. That was before kids and I don't really remember it. So D had a great time showing me everything. And of course we got a bit happy.
What was really good though was that we talked. We had some dinner there and we talked. Now I was drunk but still in control of myself if that makes sense? Now I get drunk very easily. So if I was still ok I assume that D was probably better off than I was. Now the things we talked about were about us and well just us really. I told him how every time he goes out with someone else it kills me (which he said he knows) but part of me knows that all will be well because none of these women are for him. He just looked at me and said well all the dates so far have been crap. We talked about marriage. How he things that if he asked me right now I would say yes. (which I wouldn't because he is not ready) so he then said what if i asked when I came back (his overseas trip). I told him I would certainly think about it. (for maybe a year or two)
He told me again that he is not ready to take on my kids yet. That is fine. I don't want him to. He also said that when he comes back from his trip he is ready to be settled. Not settled as in settle down although that is part of it but just settled within himself. He has changed so much since I first met him. All for the good. We just talked so much about what we are both looking for and how we want our next relationship to be. Put it this way.... there is real possibility for this to happen with us and if it doesn't well I deal with it but still have him as a friend. We are to good together to let hurt get in the way of that.
Anyway the night was just great. We nearly got kicked out of the bar because we were like two teenagers. I love that. I love that we can act like that at our age. I love that we can go outside and be a bit naughty. The whole risk factor. We finally got home after 12. I have blisters on the souls of my feet. They are so sore. We walked so much. We also missed a train and had to wait another hour for one. So even later getting back to his house. I ended up getting up at 5.15 to go back to my place to get ready and be at work by 7.30. I am tired.
So my pondering mind ponders this.......how much do you believe that comes out of the mouth of a man that is a bit high on booze?? I guess I know the situation so that I feel that I can put stock in it and it is the truth. Many things he has said before as well so that makes me think that the booze helps him out with expressing his proper feelings a bit better. He said again that his heart is concrete but there is a crack in there and I am in that crack. (lol sounds a bit rude now but didn't last night) So I guess I could just be hanging onto something that he wants me to but I dont' think so. He wasn't dribbling shit. We were talking. And if I was in control of what I was saying so was he.
But now I think we just go back to the way we were. I am ok with that. I think that the turning point is he os trip. It is like that is the final thing and then he will settle. He is seeing that. He is using that. I said to him what if you come back and still not sorted. He said no I will be. So I think it is like a mind thing with him. He probably would be fine now but in his mind it is tied to this trip. I can deal with that.
Lol you all probably just think I am nuts. But I like this guy and it feels very right. So different from G and J. I need to trust my instincts because they are very usually right. And I don't often get feelings like this. But in the past when I have it has turned out right. I know he is not playing me as he has no bargaining tools. We just keep saying how good we are together. D just piss off overseas already!!!!
Ok perhaps I should have titled this the ramblings of a besotted woman?????
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