The ramblings of a drunken man.....

So I had the best day yesterday. The best. Which was a great change from the night before. D had gone on yet another date. I was going to meet a guy off the dating site. Until that is he decided he wanted a full body shot of me. Not rude, just wanted a full shot of me. I wouldn't take one. It is to hard and they always look horrible. So in the end I told him I was a bit over weight, what size clothing I wore etc. I was ticked by this stage. He replied oh well to be honest so he is not wasting my time he felt that we would get on mentally but that is it. So that was a lovely boast to my confidence. So add to that sitting at home wondering how D's date was going I had a really crap night.

Sunday though I was heading to the zoo with D. We were walking to the train station from his place when he said to me aren't you going to ask. Lol my response was it must have been good has you have not said anything. Well turns out she wasn't his type. Not attracted to her at all.

So we had fun. We caught the train and had some breakfast in town. And then to the zoo. It was great. Lovely weather. We got a bit hot in the sun sometimes but generally it was fine.

We had a wander around Rundle Mall as neither of us have been in ages. And then he took me to the casino. Ok so it is about 3.30 at this point and we hadn't thought of eating. We start drinking at the casino. I have only been to the casino once before. That was before kids and I don't really remember it. So D had a great time showing me everything. And of course we got a bit happy.

What was really good though was that we talked. We had some dinner there and we talked. Now I was drunk but still in control of myself if that makes sense? Now I get drunk very easily. So if I was still ok I assume that D was probably better off than I was. Now the things we talked about were about us and well just us really. I told him how every time he goes out with someone else it kills me (which he said he knows) but part of me knows that all will be well because none of these women are for him. He just looked at me and said well all the dates so far have been crap. We talked about marriage. How he things that if he asked me right now I would say yes. (which I wouldn't because he is not ready) so he then said what if i asked when I came back (his overseas trip). I told him I would certainly think about it. (for maybe a year or two)

He told me again that he is not ready to take on my kids yet. That is fine. I don't want him to. He also said that when he comes back from his trip he is ready to be settled. Not settled as in settle down although that is part of it but just settled within himself. He has changed so much since I first met him. All for the good. We just talked so much about what we are both looking for and how we want our next relationship to be. Put it this way.... there is real possibility for this to happen with us and if it doesn't well I deal with it but still have him as a friend. We are to good together to let hurt get in the way of that.

Anyway the night was just great. We nearly got kicked out of the bar because we were like two teenagers. I love that. I love that we can act like that at our age. I love that we can go outside and be a bit naughty. The whole risk factor. We finally got home after 12. I have blisters on the souls of my feet. They are so sore. We walked so much. We also missed a train and had to wait another hour for one. So even later getting back to his house. I ended up getting up at 5.15 to go back to my place to get ready and be at work by 7.30. I am tired.

So my pondering mind ponders this.......how much do you believe that comes out of the mouth of a man that is a bit high on booze?? I guess I know the situation so that I feel that I can put stock in it and it is the truth. Many things he has said before as well so that makes me think that the booze helps him out with expressing his proper feelings a bit better. He said again that his heart is concrete but there is a crack in there and I am in that crack. (lol sounds a bit rude now but didn't last night) So I guess I could just be hanging onto something that he wants me to but I dont' think so. He wasn't dribbling shit. We were talking. And if I was in control of what I was saying so was he.

But now I think we just go back to the way we were. I am ok with that. I think that the turning point is he os trip. It is like that is the final thing and then he will settle. He is seeing that. He is using that. I said to him what if you come back and still not sorted. He said no I will be. So I think it is like a mind thing with him. He probably would be fine now but in his mind it is tied to this trip. I can deal with that.

Lol you all probably just think I am nuts. But I like this guy and it feels very right. So different from G and J. I need to trust my instincts because they are very usually right. And I don't often get feelings like this. But in the past when I have it has turned out right. I know he is not playing me as he has no bargaining tools. We just keep saying how good we are together. D just piss off overseas already!!!!

Ok perhaps I should have titled this the ramblings of a besotted woman?????