So last weekend I spent at A's. Friday night through to Monday morning when I went to work. We did come back to my place to feed the animals and get clean clothes.
It was so nice. First time I had stayed at his place. It was like a little holiday. He of course spoilt me rotten. Cooked me breakfast both Saturday and Sunday morning. He has a king bed. OMG it is massive. I loved it.
This week I have really struggled. Struggled with my insecurities. I guess they hit at about Wednesday. The day before my birthday. A has been working a fair bit. I hadn't seen him since Monday morning and I missed him so much. Mum and dad are away. I really didn't know what was going on with me. But I felt so alone. Like I had no one. A's phone was being stupid again and it was really hard to get him on the phone. Finally after dinner I got him and I was just so depressed and everything was just whirling around in my head. Things like him going to Qld and what if the courts didn't allow me to. Just crap really.
He was home and there were people there. People he works with and friends. Only a couple and that made me feel worse because he has all these people around him and coming for his birthday gathering (as we called it) and I felt I had no one. He knew something was up with me and I was teary but I couldn't tell him. In the end he just said he would call me later in the night. I had a crap evening. Just a sooky one. After thinking he wasn't going to call me back, etc etc. He called me. And he of course just said all the right things. Like I am his partner and should be able to tell him etc. It was nice to hear that. I of course did end up telling him. It was all fine. He cheered me up.
I figured out though why I was like this. It was because of my birthday. It was like no one cared about my birthday. Mum and dad were away. The kids had no clue. Which really is ok because why would they. Even A said to me you know I don't get paid until tonight so you won't get your present until Friday. It was like geez you have known for weeks why did you leave it this long. Typical guy though. I also didn't know if I would see him for my birthday.
But the day turned out fine although a bit crap to start with. Jason, a young, trainee manager at work, whom I get on really well with, did a little birthday jig for me. Made me laugh so much. He also ended up buying me a mud cake at lunch time for me. (only a cheap woolies one but even so it meant alot to me even if it wasn't' intended that way.) A also came in and had lunch with me. Omg it was so good to see him. And he gave me a present. An anklet. (he was spot on with what he got) I went over to his place after work to fix his bloody computer. Honestly those boys really need to rethink what sites they look at. I was very close to saying I couldn't fix it but then more good luck than good management I managed to open a program. Drove me insane though as I just have to fix it. And when I couldn't I hated it.
When he came over to my place later he gave me another present. Perfume. Lol he said he had no clue what else to get me but then thought perfume. Then he had to remember what I already had. I would have love to have seen him trying to find something. He got me Intimacy. Victoria Beckham. It is lovely.
It was a nice night. Relaxing and just enjoying being with each other. And I really really need to remember that this guy wants to be with me so much. As he keeps telling me. He is not going anywhere. I love that so much.
Now to D. This is rather funny. He has basically deleted me out of his life. I think it is a bit funny. He came back on facebook and made some comments. I did a couple of comments back but nothing major. I said to A that I didn't think that I really want him as a friend on there. A said delete him and I was going to but not straight away so it looked awful. Next thing I know he has deleted me. I am all that is so not fair I wanted to do it first lol. So I txt him. Made a joke out of it. But he had even deleted my number as he didnt' know who it was at first. He rang me and we chatted a bit. I can't remember what I said but he then said oh you really hate me now lol. Anyway as the conversation was drawing to a close I said well I won't take it to heart that you have defriended me. He goes oh I knew you wouldn't. I sort of deleted a few people. And that was about all the information I got. Damn it.
When I was with him. He often spoke about some female friends of his and how they all wanted to be with him blah blah. So I am thinking that on facebook he saw all the stuff about A. All the good stuff. And realises that I don't think he is as wonderful anymore and have no desire to be with him now.
The other thing is now how many people are saying they never really liked him. Karen was the first one. She told me that she would tell me the truth about A. As she never really liked D but just never said anything. I did say it wouldn't matter as I would have to find out myself. But like I said to A, I guess it would be doubt in my mind. But so far he made an impression on those from work. So I am not worried. He certainly treats me a lot better than anyone ever has before.
I guess I should go. I think I am out of things to say. Other than Qld is coming up and I can't wait. Very excited.
Friday 31 July 2009
So much but not much
So really where to begin. How about with how slack I am??? I am shocking I really am. I know I should update etc but then I think I can't be bothered typing it all out. But here I am.
Ok so a month or so ago I tried weed for the first time ever in my whole entire life. A got some from his house mate and I tried it in a pipe. I was so disappointed. Nothing happened. Now the whole idea was for me to be able to experience it so I could say yes I had tried it.
So last Friday I had cookies. We were going out for a work mates birthday. I do not know why I thought to have it before going out. (yes you can see where this is going) Perhaps I thought well it didn't effect me before so no worries this time. Or I just wasn't thinking. I was feeling a bit down about going out. (more on that shortly) A said we have the cookies do you want one. So I said yes. It was my night to have a few to drink. A was driving and he is drinking this weekend. So I was going to get a bit drunk for the first time in ages. Anyway he bags up two cookies for me. Did I mention I was starving? Well I was. So I start munching into this cookie. I finish it before we leave the house. A hasn't paid that much attention as we were shifting cars etc and I finished it while in my car without him. So he just thought I had it in my bag.
We go to pick up Kate and I start on the second one. Which looks like a squashed muffin. It was quite a big one. At this point A says eat them slowly. So our definitions of slowly are different I found out. I just thought he meant don't eat it like you would a normal biscuit. So I slowed down. I finished both cookies in half hour. Found out later that was bad.
We get to the pub and all is cool We are all chatting etc and then they start paying me out that my eyes are glassy etc. But I am still not feeling anything. Thinking woo hoo that was fun...not! Then maybe 10 minutes later (hour after I first ate them) it hit me. I leaned over to Kate and said ok I can feel it now. It was horrible. I grabbed A and said you look after me!! I was so scared that I would have a reaction to it etc. It is really hard to describe what the feeling was like. Like I was drunk I guess but worse. I didn't feel sick. I remember everything and I was aware of what I was doing. But it was weird. Bad weird. I did get the giggles for about 5 minutes and that cracked everyone up. Then we were talking about Kate's drink. Which was very yellow and very lemony! Thankfully no one picked up on it but I couldn't find the word lemon and was using yellow instead. It was at that point that I thought I am not saying or doing anything. I was so scared I would do something wrong. So I just went all quite. At one point Jason came over to talk to me and kept saying why aren't you this quiet at work blah blah. I just didn't want to talk. I just giggled a bit.
We got a meal because I hoped that would help. It didn't. I managed half of it. We were home by 9.15. It was horrible driving home. My neck felt all funny and I thought I was having a bad reaction. I really wanted to close my eyes but if I did I felt woozy. We finally got home and A just put me to bed. He got me a bucket but looking back I was no where close to throwing up. He kept checking on me every 10 minutes or so. I found out later when he got home he rang a friend of his who apparently smokes at least once a week and asked if she had tried the cookies. She had. She only had half and high. So he kept an eye on me. I was fighting off a bit of a cold at the time as well and had taken 2 cold and flu tablets that were really strong but made me drowsy. I had taken two earlier in the day but they really knocked me around so when I was due to take more I only took one but that was about 5 hours before I had the cookies.
It took until about 8pm the next day before I felt normal again. It was weird. I woke up ok. Hungry, but ok. But still just strange. Not normal. So yeah there is my experience with dope. Not one I want to repeat again anytime soon. A said would I try again with just him at home. I may do that but not for a while. A thinks that I am just so sensitive to stuff that that made it worse. Probably true. I am a cheap drunk. Sensitive to medical drugs. So who knows. He was great though really looked after me. And I didn't really cop any flack from work either so that was good. Least I have tried it now.
So that night was a bit blah anyway. Not going to go into it to much but you know how some girls just get all ditzy and do the fake laughs and the boys fall over themselves with their tongues hanging out? Well that is what it was like. A and I were really the oldest ones there and it was really painful. All the boys just go gaga over this girl, and although she is a lovely girl watching her that night was like having nails running down a blackboard. I have never seen her that bad before and it was not good. The best thing though? A didn't like it either. He didn't fall under whatever spell she has with guys. And for that I was truly grateful.
Kate approved of A. We drove her home when we left as well. She had had enough as well. In fact most of them at work think A is a good guy.
Ok I am going to make use of this day and do some washing now. I will continue this with Part two of the update later today I promise.
Ok so a month or so ago I tried weed for the first time ever in my whole entire life. A got some from his house mate and I tried it in a pipe. I was so disappointed. Nothing happened. Now the whole idea was for me to be able to experience it so I could say yes I had tried it.
So last Friday I had cookies. We were going out for a work mates birthday. I do not know why I thought to have it before going out. (yes you can see where this is going) Perhaps I thought well it didn't effect me before so no worries this time. Or I just wasn't thinking. I was feeling a bit down about going out. (more on that shortly) A said we have the cookies do you want one. So I said yes. It was my night to have a few to drink. A was driving and he is drinking this weekend. So I was going to get a bit drunk for the first time in ages. Anyway he bags up two cookies for me. Did I mention I was starving? Well I was. So I start munching into this cookie. I finish it before we leave the house. A hasn't paid that much attention as we were shifting cars etc and I finished it while in my car without him. So he just thought I had it in my bag.
We go to pick up Kate and I start on the second one. Which looks like a squashed muffin. It was quite a big one. At this point A says eat them slowly. So our definitions of slowly are different I found out. I just thought he meant don't eat it like you would a normal biscuit. So I slowed down. I finished both cookies in half hour. Found out later that was bad.
We get to the pub and all is cool We are all chatting etc and then they start paying me out that my eyes are glassy etc. But I am still not feeling anything. Thinking woo hoo that was fun...not! Then maybe 10 minutes later (hour after I first ate them) it hit me. I leaned over to Kate and said ok I can feel it now. It was horrible. I grabbed A and said you look after me!! I was so scared that I would have a reaction to it etc. It is really hard to describe what the feeling was like. Like I was drunk I guess but worse. I didn't feel sick. I remember everything and I was aware of what I was doing. But it was weird. Bad weird. I did get the giggles for about 5 minutes and that cracked everyone up. Then we were talking about Kate's drink. Which was very yellow and very lemony! Thankfully no one picked up on it but I couldn't find the word lemon and was using yellow instead. It was at that point that I thought I am not saying or doing anything. I was so scared I would do something wrong. So I just went all quite. At one point Jason came over to talk to me and kept saying why aren't you this quiet at work blah blah. I just didn't want to talk. I just giggled a bit.
We got a meal because I hoped that would help. It didn't. I managed half of it. We were home by 9.15. It was horrible driving home. My neck felt all funny and I thought I was having a bad reaction. I really wanted to close my eyes but if I did I felt woozy. We finally got home and A just put me to bed. He got me a bucket but looking back I was no where close to throwing up. He kept checking on me every 10 minutes or so. I found out later when he got home he rang a friend of his who apparently smokes at least once a week and asked if she had tried the cookies. She had. She only had half and high. So he kept an eye on me. I was fighting off a bit of a cold at the time as well and had taken 2 cold and flu tablets that were really strong but made me drowsy. I had taken two earlier in the day but they really knocked me around so when I was due to take more I only took one but that was about 5 hours before I had the cookies.
It took until about 8pm the next day before I felt normal again. It was weird. I woke up ok. Hungry, but ok. But still just strange. Not normal. So yeah there is my experience with dope. Not one I want to repeat again anytime soon. A said would I try again with just him at home. I may do that but not for a while. A thinks that I am just so sensitive to stuff that that made it worse. Probably true. I am a cheap drunk. Sensitive to medical drugs. So who knows. He was great though really looked after me. And I didn't really cop any flack from work either so that was good. Least I have tried it now.
So that night was a bit blah anyway. Not going to go into it to much but you know how some girls just get all ditzy and do the fake laughs and the boys fall over themselves with their tongues hanging out? Well that is what it was like. A and I were really the oldest ones there and it was really painful. All the boys just go gaga over this girl, and although she is a lovely girl watching her that night was like having nails running down a blackboard. I have never seen her that bad before and it was not good. The best thing though? A didn't like it either. He didn't fall under whatever spell she has with guys. And for that I was truly grateful.
Kate approved of A. We drove her home when we left as well. She had had enough as well. In fact most of them at work think A is a good guy.
Ok I am going to make use of this day and do some washing now. I will continue this with Part two of the update later today I promise.
Saturday 18 July 2009
Fine and dandy
Not much is happening. Well I say that and then usually type away for the next half hour.
Today I had taekwondo state selections. I was doing my poomse. My form. Oh my gosh I was so nervous. Poor A slept here last night and woke to find me a real mess. Freaking out at my kids and just generally being a mess.
He came with us and I even got him to drive my car. It being a ford and all he wasn't that keen. Lol actually I asked and he said yes that is fine straight away. So I did ok. I got pretty good marks even though I stuffed up my second form. Although it was ok. I recovered quick and finished. Something I have never been able to do before. I usually make a mistake and then forget the rest. I did end up with a gold medal only for the simple fact that I was the only one in my division. I feel like I won by default but I have to remember I got a good score.
After the comp we went to baskin and robbins. A loves the cookie dough one. It is funny watching us both eat these things trying to save the dough because is the best bit. Afterwards in the car the kids lost it and started really fighting. I worry so much that he will run because of my kids but he assures me he won't.
I did have my insecurities happen during the week. He didn't txt me and I got so worried as it is so unlike him. But he had his phone disconnected. He gets here though and everything his fine. He says the most amazing things to me. I am his girlfriend and that is how he wants it. So why oh why do I get so insecure when I am not with him. I really want to get over that. I guess one thing is like someone said to me, least I know I do it.I am aware of it and I can work on it. If anyone can offer suggestions I am open to it. I do worry a huge amount that he is not going to stick around. I really want to be able to stop that.
Anyway the reality is that everything is wonderful with A. For all those reasons and then some that I mentioned in that other post. I really hope he does stick around because so far I am liking what I have.
Today I had taekwondo state selections. I was doing my poomse. My form. Oh my gosh I was so nervous. Poor A slept here last night and woke to find me a real mess. Freaking out at my kids and just generally being a mess.
He came with us and I even got him to drive my car. It being a ford and all he wasn't that keen. Lol actually I asked and he said yes that is fine straight away. So I did ok. I got pretty good marks even though I stuffed up my second form. Although it was ok. I recovered quick and finished. Something I have never been able to do before. I usually make a mistake and then forget the rest. I did end up with a gold medal only for the simple fact that I was the only one in my division. I feel like I won by default but I have to remember I got a good score.
After the comp we went to baskin and robbins. A loves the cookie dough one. It is funny watching us both eat these things trying to save the dough because is the best bit. Afterwards in the car the kids lost it and started really fighting. I worry so much that he will run because of my kids but he assures me he won't.
I did have my insecurities happen during the week. He didn't txt me and I got so worried as it is so unlike him. But he had his phone disconnected. He gets here though and everything his fine. He says the most amazing things to me. I am his girlfriend and that is how he wants it. So why oh why do I get so insecure when I am not with him. I really want to get over that. I guess one thing is like someone said to me, least I know I do it.I am aware of it and I can work on it. If anyone can offer suggestions I am open to it. I do worry a huge amount that he is not going to stick around. I really want to be able to stop that.
Anyway the reality is that everything is wonderful with A. For all those reasons and then some that I mentioned in that other post. I really hope he does stick around because so far I am liking what I have.
Saturday 11 July 2009
Falling......
So after being here for over a week A has gone home. I am not as bad as I thought I would be. I thought I would really miss him but give me a couple of days!! He was going to go home tomorrow but really needed to get some shit done so went home today instead.
It has been a great week. lol I was just sitting here trying to think what we did last Saturday night but it was nothing!! Friday night he didn't get here till late and we stayed up and watched movies. Then we finally climbed into bed at about 3.30. I left the light on as we were talking. Nice d and m talk lol. Finally A looked at the time and said we may as well stay up and just go out for breakfast. So we talked some more. And slept a little bit. I think we got to Glenelg at about 11.30 and had a yummy breakfast. I then talked A into going to Baskin and Robbins for icecream. He wasn't going to have any due to the fact that he had just had bacon and eggs and the like. Me?..... well...... I have no such thought. If i am in Glenelg I am having icecream. Once we got there and he saw the selection he caved and had some. Lol poor guy though he felt so sick afterwards cos he was so full.
The rest of the week was filled with DVD's and each other's company. We watched the Hurricane. A movie we had both seen when it first came out. I really liked it. That night he came home with the book for me. So so sweet. On Thursday night we went out to Fasta Pasta for dinner and went and saw the Proposal. Both of us really liked it. I love the fact A likes chick flicks.
A has also been cooking quite a bit for me which I of course love. Last night was the best. Silverside. The kids were back for this and they loved it as well. Although the younger two did the whole vegetables yuk thing, of course.
Today we went off to Marion to Intencity. It was a bit boring but the kids had fun. We dropped A off on the way home.
So how was living with him for a week? Thankfully he had mainly day shifts. I was always home before him though. We both still did our own thing when were both home. Me reading my book etc while he watched tv. It was funny though he was watching Merlin and I was in the bedroom reading. In the ads he came looking for me because he missed me. Of course all of this will wear off. And this week away from each other will hopefully be a good thing in absence makes the heart grow fonder. He also needs time to see his friends a bit. He sort of dropped of the friends planet for a week lol and only living on planet Kate.
Anyway my aim this week will be to get over my little insecurities. He really likes me and he said he is falling in love with me. I need to remember that and not worry about any other thoughts that go through my head. I don't understand why those negative thoughts go through my head I really don't. But I refuse to let them in anymore.
It has been a great week. lol I was just sitting here trying to think what we did last Saturday night but it was nothing!! Friday night he didn't get here till late and we stayed up and watched movies. Then we finally climbed into bed at about 3.30. I left the light on as we were talking. Nice d and m talk lol. Finally A looked at the time and said we may as well stay up and just go out for breakfast. So we talked some more. And slept a little bit. I think we got to Glenelg at about 11.30 and had a yummy breakfast. I then talked A into going to Baskin and Robbins for icecream. He wasn't going to have any due to the fact that he had just had bacon and eggs and the like. Me?..... well...... I have no such thought. If i am in Glenelg I am having icecream. Once we got there and he saw the selection he caved and had some. Lol poor guy though he felt so sick afterwards cos he was so full.
The rest of the week was filled with DVD's and each other's company. We watched the Hurricane. A movie we had both seen when it first came out. I really liked it. That night he came home with the book for me. So so sweet. On Thursday night we went out to Fasta Pasta for dinner and went and saw the Proposal. Both of us really liked it. I love the fact A likes chick flicks.
A has also been cooking quite a bit for me which I of course love. Last night was the best. Silverside. The kids were back for this and they loved it as well. Although the younger two did the whole vegetables yuk thing, of course.
Today we went off to Marion to Intencity. It was a bit boring but the kids had fun. We dropped A off on the way home.
So how was living with him for a week? Thankfully he had mainly day shifts. I was always home before him though. We both still did our own thing when were both home. Me reading my book etc while he watched tv. It was funny though he was watching Merlin and I was in the bedroom reading. In the ads he came looking for me because he missed me. Of course all of this will wear off. And this week away from each other will hopefully be a good thing in absence makes the heart grow fonder. He also needs time to see his friends a bit. He sort of dropped of the friends planet for a week lol and only living on planet Kate.
Anyway my aim this week will be to get over my little insecurities. He really likes me and he said he is falling in love with me. I need to remember that and not worry about any other thoughts that go through my head. I don't understand why those negative thoughts go through my head I really don't. But I refuse to let them in anymore.
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