I am dying......

I have taken today off work as I feel so gross. I have to go tomorrow because the new system is going in. I refuse to miss that. Once the kids are at school I am going back to bed.

Met Karen yesterday at the shops. It was really good catching up with her. We were talking about them winning the new car. She said she has found out who her real friends are! Some of the stuff she was saying was awful. People are so begrudging. Oh you already have two cars etc etc. Geez just be happy for them people. Rachel being one of the people who hasn't shown anything toward Karen about it. Just sent a txt saying congratulations. Now we have all known each other nearly 11 years now and I really really think that Rachel should have put a bit more effort into it.

We had a bit of a chat about Rachel. Karen said something to me that made some sense. She said that Rachel doesn't like me getting ahead of me. She doesn't like to play catch up. And I thought yeah that is true. And if things work out with B she won't be happy about that either. It is a really sucky situation as Rachel never used to be this bad. She was always a tad self centred but not like this. She is going to end up pushing everyone away. I didn't mention B the other day. I just didn't want to go into with her.

B and I are going out for dinner on Friday. I am looking forward to it. Again I say I hate all the uncertainty. I am hoping Friday night will make things clearer. He has been saying all the right things in txt messages but there are basically no phone calls. All communication now is through txt messages and that is it. I need more than that I really do. I am a talker and as such need to talk! I hate being desperate. And that is what I am. I am desperate for someone to love me and want me. He has been saying such nice things in the txt messages. Not to full on but just enough to convey his feelings. But why no phone calls? I feel so screwed up in the head sometimes. I over think everything. I just need to go with the flow.

G emailed me last night in regards to doing some more flyers for him for a free seminar he is running. Sounds really good. I want to go!! But I will do the flyers for him and I will be able to have some more PT sessions without feeling guilty! lol. We are looking at treadmills on Monday I think. I miss the gym and the exercise I used to do. My fitness is shit nowadays. Better than the average person but not as good as it was. Least with a treadmill I can jump on that in the evenings or morning. I would use it for sure but it is getting the money for it that is the problem. Any suggestions from people who have them..... cost, type, where you got it from etc.