Things with D are good. Great actually. We have been spending a fair bit of time together and he has told me that he is falling for me so that is nice to hear. He came over yesterday afternoon for a very quick visit with his two year old son. I thought that was lovely of him. He didn't have to drive all the way out here for me to meet his son but it meant a lot to me. It was nice.
Work has been flat out. The cash clerk was supposed to be going away from the 1/12 until the 15/12. The normal fill in for her has got a promotion and is leaving the store. So all last week I was in the cash office learning it all. Then we found out that the dates that she is going away have been changed. (she is going to WA to help set up a new store) to a week later. Which means she is away for two weeks leading up to Christmas, our busiest time. The manager made the call of her to still go. Even though with me in the cash room it leaves no experienced front end controller out the front and an inexperienced cash clerk. Me. So the pressure is on me now to make sure I can do this. Or AM is going to come back to a complete mess and she is not looking forward to that.
It will be good doing this job. hours are 8-4 Monday to Friday. So I get the weekend off. I also get a higher rate of pay doing that job. And it gives me something different to do. Having said that though I could live without the pressure and I would like in a way to be doing my front end controller job during our busy time. Still i will be doing that from the 22/1 though.
Everything else is just chugging along. The girl from work, Keri, who is leaving, is having good bye drinks tomorrow night. I will have the kids but D is coming with me. I am a bit happy about that. He was all prepared to get all dressed up. Lol so sweet of him but I told him he didn't have to. I am working this Monday and having Tuesday off. No kids Monday night, so D is planning something for us to do. I am excited about that as well.
Ok best to stop rambling now and get the kids to bed now their movie has finished.
Saturday 22 November 2008
Tuesday 11 November 2008
what a turn around.....the story continues.....
D left me a message on my phone Saturday saying..... "I really would like to catch up" blah blah " so if your not busy give me a call but if you are busy still call me cos I like the sound of your voice!"
He thought I didn't have the kids but of course I did. However, he ended up coming around at about 9. We were having tea a mum and dad's and I needed to have a shower and quickly clean the house. What a lovely lovely night it was. We listen to music and talked and I got drunk. (didn't take much) And it was all nice. We kissed and cuddled. He ended up staying the night. This was a big call on my part. But in the end decided.
So in the morning he met the kids. I hardly got any sleep because the bugger snores like I don't know what!! We went for a walk down to the beach and then he took off home. He had told me he rang on the Saturday because he couldn't wait until the Monday night to see me again. Of course I just melted at that.
We did meet up Monday still. He picked me up at about 2ish and we went to Victor. Had a drink at the pub then a walk around granite island. Well I had a bit of a jog as I was in a bouncy mood. lol. We then found a lovely little secluded spot on some really big rocks near the water breaking and just laid down and talked. Then we went for a drive and got some chips etc for dinner. On the way home he took me to Hindmarsh Falls which I had never seen before. We also drove along the beach at Aldinga. Which was so funny. He put the car in 4wd and away we went. Except there were heaps of rocks so it got very bouncy. We ended up back here where we broke open a couple of breezers. (there was a reason I brought that carton after all.) I showed him my photos of Tasmania. He went there this year so he really wanted to see them. We talked and fooled around a bit and then he went home.
I went home early from work today because I was feeling yuk. I don't know what it is but I felt woozy, lightheaded, it was a chore to breathe and I got shaky. The sus thing was that D came into work just as I was leaving. All the guys got a good look which was funny. I am sure I will hear about it when I go back to work on Thursday. But he walked me to my car and gave me a hug. I ended up at the docs and had some blood tests taken. I feel a bit better now but not 100%. The doc thought it could be a virus as I had a bit of a red throat. Or I could be iron deficient again. Will know more on Monday.
So the thing with D and I. I don't know. He is very adamant that he is not wanting a relationship. I get that. However I am having a hard time working out the difference between the friendship and relationship at the moment. I get that he has to do the overseas thing with his dad. I also know he is not even a year out of his old relationship. But it is like i have known this guy forever. We are very similar in out personalities. And we just get on so well together. He keeps telling me when he gets back from England it is on. Not those words but close enough. He is also very respectful of my boundaries. Although in the heat of the moment he tries to push. But I guess in a way I would be disappointed if he didn't!
I like him. He likes me. I don't doubt that. For once in my life I don't doubt that. I do worry that will change and I need to try and let go of that. I am falling for him and in a way I don't want to. Time will tell as always where it goes but for now I am happy with what is happening. I am happy that he wants to spend time with me.
He thought I didn't have the kids but of course I did. However, he ended up coming around at about 9. We were having tea a mum and dad's and I needed to have a shower and quickly clean the house. What a lovely lovely night it was. We listen to music and talked and I got drunk. (didn't take much) And it was all nice. We kissed and cuddled. He ended up staying the night. This was a big call on my part. But in the end decided.
So in the morning he met the kids. I hardly got any sleep because the bugger snores like I don't know what!! We went for a walk down to the beach and then he took off home. He had told me he rang on the Saturday because he couldn't wait until the Monday night to see me again. Of course I just melted at that.
We did meet up Monday still. He picked me up at about 2ish and we went to Victor. Had a drink at the pub then a walk around granite island. Well I had a bit of a jog as I was in a bouncy mood. lol. We then found a lovely little secluded spot on some really big rocks near the water breaking and just laid down and talked. Then we went for a drive and got some chips etc for dinner. On the way home he took me to Hindmarsh Falls which I had never seen before. We also drove along the beach at Aldinga. Which was so funny. He put the car in 4wd and away we went. Except there were heaps of rocks so it got very bouncy. We ended up back here where we broke open a couple of breezers. (there was a reason I brought that carton after all.) I showed him my photos of Tasmania. He went there this year so he really wanted to see them. We talked and fooled around a bit and then he went home.
I went home early from work today because I was feeling yuk. I don't know what it is but I felt woozy, lightheaded, it was a chore to breathe and I got shaky. The sus thing was that D came into work just as I was leaving. All the guys got a good look which was funny. I am sure I will hear about it when I go back to work on Thursday. But he walked me to my car and gave me a hug. I ended up at the docs and had some blood tests taken. I feel a bit better now but not 100%. The doc thought it could be a virus as I had a bit of a red throat. Or I could be iron deficient again. Will know more on Monday.
So the thing with D and I. I don't know. He is very adamant that he is not wanting a relationship. I get that. However I am having a hard time working out the difference between the friendship and relationship at the moment. I get that he has to do the overseas thing with his dad. I also know he is not even a year out of his old relationship. But it is like i have known this guy forever. We are very similar in out personalities. And we just get on so well together. He keeps telling me when he gets back from England it is on. Not those words but close enough. He is also very respectful of my boundaries. Although in the heat of the moment he tries to push. But I guess in a way I would be disappointed if he didn't!
I like him. He likes me. I don't doubt that. For once in my life I don't doubt that. I do worry that will change and I need to try and let go of that. I am falling for him and in a way I don't want to. Time will tell as always where it goes but for now I am happy with what is happening. I am happy that he wants to spend time with me.
Friday 7 November 2008
After the excitement has died down.......
The last few days have been an absolute shit. I was described as foul by one of the girls at work. And that probably sums it up really. I have been really really down.
The reason.....after all that happened with D I lost it. How could I have read the signs so wrong??? How could I feel I get along with someone so well and be so wrong? If he didn't feel some sort of nice feelings surely he would have ditched me after dinner, after the walk, after the sitting on the grass???? I was devastated no so much by what he said but by the fact I had read everything wrong. How can I trust me feelings let alone someone elses? So basically I fell down a big hole.
Last night I get a txt from one of the girls at work. Something about a woman from a school wanting a proforma for some yellow bubbles blah blah. Then near the end of the txt there is a bit saying did you get a phone call from a guy? Someone was in asking for you. He has your phone number already. So after a few txt back and forwards I am convinced it was D. In the morning I txt him and yeah it was. The girls thought he was lovely, smelt nice and attractive lol. So do I.
That cheered me up. But what killed me further today was I look up from serving someone and who is standing next in line to be served but D. Smiling away at me. Looking all smart arseish!!! Luckily we weren't that busy at that point so I conned him into buying an wine he hadnt seen before. (on top of the wine he had already picked out. That he had already brought a bottle of last night!!) We chatted very quickly and then we was out of there.
Funny bit was when Sara (Karen's niece who works at Dan's now) said yeah he looked ok I guess for an older guy!!)
At lunch I looked at my phone and he had rung me. It was before I had seen him but I thought what the heck I will phone him. So I did and we had a good 10 minute chat I guess on the phone. Made me smile and laugh so it was all good.
So from this I get the following....he is certainly interested in keeping in touch. That I like. I am planning on playing it down now. We are making plans for a Monday catch up. But he isn't sure yet. He said he will get in touch so I will let him. I am so glad he made that effort to come into work. He certainly didn't have to but by doing so it has helped me see that he does want to be friends and he wasn't just saying it.
I am starting to climb out of the hole now. Maybe I can trust my feelings after all.
The reason.....after all that happened with D I lost it. How could I have read the signs so wrong??? How could I feel I get along with someone so well and be so wrong? If he didn't feel some sort of nice feelings surely he would have ditched me after dinner, after the walk, after the sitting on the grass???? I was devastated no so much by what he said but by the fact I had read everything wrong. How can I trust me feelings let alone someone elses? So basically I fell down a big hole.
Last night I get a txt from one of the girls at work. Something about a woman from a school wanting a proforma for some yellow bubbles blah blah. Then near the end of the txt there is a bit saying did you get a phone call from a guy? Someone was in asking for you. He has your phone number already. So after a few txt back and forwards I am convinced it was D. In the morning I txt him and yeah it was. The girls thought he was lovely, smelt nice and attractive lol. So do I.
That cheered me up. But what killed me further today was I look up from serving someone and who is standing next in line to be served but D. Smiling away at me. Looking all smart arseish!!! Luckily we weren't that busy at that point so I conned him into buying an wine he hadnt seen before. (on top of the wine he had already picked out. That he had already brought a bottle of last night!!) We chatted very quickly and then we was out of there.
Funny bit was when Sara (Karen's niece who works at Dan's now) said yeah he looked ok I guess for an older guy!!)
At lunch I looked at my phone and he had rung me. It was before I had seen him but I thought what the heck I will phone him. So I did and we had a good 10 minute chat I guess on the phone. Made me smile and laugh so it was all good.
So from this I get the following....he is certainly interested in keeping in touch. That I like. I am planning on playing it down now. We are making plans for a Monday catch up. But he isn't sure yet. He said he will get in touch so I will let him. I am so glad he made that effort to come into work. He certainly didn't have to but by doing so it has helped me see that he does want to be friends and he wasn't just saying it.
I am starting to climb out of the hole now. Maybe I can trust my feelings after all.
Sunday 2 November 2008
the wonderful feeling just stopped.
I give up I really really do. How can I really believe anything good that people say about me when rejection follows so closely. Yes D gave the sorry I like you but... So it just makes me think that all the lovely stuff he said was just crap and it is not fair. I give up.
Ok I had started that when D txt me and said he was online if I wanted to talk. So talk we did. Now the reason he decided to not go the relationship thing with me is because of stuff he has to do. Oh here is the message he sent me.
HI There,i really had a nice time last night,you are a real gem.Kate i have been thinking about us and i dont think it will really work out as a relationship,but as a friendship no probs.The reason being i will be doing some travel next year and going overseas i dont think it would be fair to you and your lovely family..to be there then not be there for i guess my own selfish reasons.This trip means alot to me as i havent been and seen my family for 25yrs.You are a beautiful person Kate you have everything going for you,remember dont be shy,you are very educated and will succeed in what ever you do in life.Im really sorry.Hope your not shitty with me.please contact me if you just want to chat,anytime.
Now I get what he has to do. His trip is England. His dad died 25 years ago and he has never even seen where he is buried. So I understand. He is also thinking of moving to Mt Gambier. So anyway. We are talking on the thingo and in the end he just rings me. Of course I am upset. So we talk some more with all my walls just going straight back up and pretending that I am strong and I am fine with it all. In the end we decided to go for a walk along the beach.
So my hair is mega curly I am in my trackies, barely any makeup and he makes his lovely comments again. So we have come to friendship. We both talked about how lonely we are etc and we are not into one night stands. (his ex ran off with his best mate of 32 years!!) We are not going to be FB. Thankfully. I so do not want him to see me naked. He is not interested in having a relationship with anyone. (I was his one and only date!!)He commented on how he is sick of not having someone to just hang out with, the whole companionship thing. Of course I am the same. Yes I want more. But he is not that one for that. Thats fine. Yes I am sad that he isn't but what he is offering me.....a friendship, probably means more to me atm. I told him about J and how long it took me to adjust to not having that company. Because although I never met J it was still company. The amount we talked on the phone. I could call him at any time etc. I miss that. Well I now have it with D. He said to me "well how bout I be that person you can call!!)
Its not like G who I hardly see and I can't just call because I am having a crappy day. D and I get on really well. And I get now that he is not rejecting me but the concept of a relationship full stop.
So I am still sad because I am back to square one with no guy in sight. But on the other hand I have company now. We are going to the movies next Monday when I don't have the kids. And he wants to take me out so I can get totally pissed because I never have the opportunity to do that!!lol sad sad world lol. (I did tell him he was in for a short night that night!!)
I have gained a friend who hopefully will be in my life more than my other friends because we both need that friendship! Yet again time will tell. And he still says I am lovely and I am special. So it is nice to hear those things. G never says stuff like that!! lol See Kate there is even better than G out there. (don't tell G but D maybe shorter but his arms and chest are so much yummier lol)
Ok I had started that when D txt me and said he was online if I wanted to talk. So talk we did. Now the reason he decided to not go the relationship thing with me is because of stuff he has to do. Oh here is the message he sent me.
HI There,i really had a nice time last night,you are a real gem.Kate i have been thinking about us and i dont think it will really work out as a relationship,but as a friendship no probs.The reason being i will be doing some travel next year and going overseas i dont think it would be fair to you and your lovely family..to be there then not be there for i guess my own selfish reasons.This trip means alot to me as i havent been and seen my family for 25yrs.You are a beautiful person Kate you have everything going for you,remember dont be shy,you are very educated and will succeed in what ever you do in life.Im really sorry.Hope your not shitty with me.please contact me if you just want to chat,anytime.
Now I get what he has to do. His trip is England. His dad died 25 years ago and he has never even seen where he is buried. So I understand. He is also thinking of moving to Mt Gambier. So anyway. We are talking on the thingo and in the end he just rings me. Of course I am upset. So we talk some more with all my walls just going straight back up and pretending that I am strong and I am fine with it all. In the end we decided to go for a walk along the beach.
So my hair is mega curly I am in my trackies, barely any makeup and he makes his lovely comments again. So we have come to friendship. We both talked about how lonely we are etc and we are not into one night stands. (his ex ran off with his best mate of 32 years!!) We are not going to be FB. Thankfully. I so do not want him to see me naked. He is not interested in having a relationship with anyone. (I was his one and only date!!)He commented on how he is sick of not having someone to just hang out with, the whole companionship thing. Of course I am the same. Yes I want more. But he is not that one for that. Thats fine. Yes I am sad that he isn't but what he is offering me.....a friendship, probably means more to me atm. I told him about J and how long it took me to adjust to not having that company. Because although I never met J it was still company. The amount we talked on the phone. I could call him at any time etc. I miss that. Well I now have it with D. He said to me "well how bout I be that person you can call!!)
Its not like G who I hardly see and I can't just call because I am having a crappy day. D and I get on really well. And I get now that he is not rejecting me but the concept of a relationship full stop.
So I am still sad because I am back to square one with no guy in sight. But on the other hand I have company now. We are going to the movies next Monday when I don't have the kids. And he wants to take me out so I can get totally pissed because I never have the opportunity to do that!!lol sad sad world lol. (I did tell him he was in for a short night that night!!)
I have gained a friend who hopefully will be in my life more than my other friends because we both need that friendship! Yet again time will tell. And he still says I am lovely and I am special. So it is nice to hear those things. G never says stuff like that!! lol See Kate there is even better than G out there. (don't tell G but D maybe shorter but his arms and chest are so much yummier lol)
Date night....
Yes you read right. Date night. I had a date last night. Only about the 3rd date in 2.5 years.
First though I had yesterday off. So nice. A taekwondo seminar to go to. I mowed the lawn again to try and pick up all the grass seeds, watched a movie. Just basically took the day off. It was nice to know I still had two more days off work.
So the date. D contacted me on the net about 3nights ago I guess. And the conversation just flowed. Not since talking to J have I had such a nice comfortable conversation with a guy. So like they all do he wanted to meet this weekend. I said no. He was cool with that. When I was talking to one of the girls at work, she told me just do it. So for the first time ever I met a guy that quick. (well apart from G, whom I met pretty damn quick as well)
He originally said for coffee. So we met up at the place which turns out he had booked a table for dinner. Poor guy I was not hungry at all has I had had a late lunch. So we sat for ages out the front just talking. Finally we went in and had something to eat. I was really nervous but he was just so nice. So very very funny and we had a lot of that verbal sparring going on.
After dinner we went for a walk down to the end of the jetty. Just talking, finding out lots of things about each other. Me just talking and talking away. Lol. I did warn him! After that we went and sat or laid as the case maybe on the grass near the lifesaving club. More talking. And comfortable silences. So after saying no to both him coming back to my house or me going to his house. We went for a drive. We went to the Moana beach, where we drove onto the beach and watched a thunder storm come in. (the night was beautiful albeit a bit cold, it is raining now lol and thunder which is why I am awake after only 3 hours sleep). So we stayed there for a hours. talking, listening to music, cuddling, kissing. It was all really really nice.
He was very very respectful of the fact that I said I was not having sex. He knew that from the get go. I hadn't shaved so I knew I would not be tempted. Very funny as I told him that and he said right lets go get a razor! But he was a gentleman. Pushed things as far as he thought he should lol. He also kept saying how lovely my face was. Just saying nice things about me.
The other few dates I have been on it has been like I see them again because I don't' know if I want to see them again. This time I want to see him again. He said he would be in contact with me and I really hope he will. I would see him again today if I could.
I have been thinking about it and it is so much like my first date with G. I got in a car with G the first time I met him. But I knew it was ok. Don't ask me how but I just did. I have never done that before until now. I just knew it would be ok. And just being comfortable around him. It is nice.
So of course having said all that I go back to worrying. What if's. I guess I will just have to wait and see. G hung around. Nearly 4 years later we are still friends in a weird don't see each other much way. So hopefully D will just be that bit more than G.
First though I had yesterday off. So nice. A taekwondo seminar to go to. I mowed the lawn again to try and pick up all the grass seeds, watched a movie. Just basically took the day off. It was nice to know I still had two more days off work.
So the date. D contacted me on the net about 3nights ago I guess. And the conversation just flowed. Not since talking to J have I had such a nice comfortable conversation with a guy. So like they all do he wanted to meet this weekend. I said no. He was cool with that. When I was talking to one of the girls at work, she told me just do it. So for the first time ever I met a guy that quick. (well apart from G, whom I met pretty damn quick as well)
He originally said for coffee. So we met up at the place which turns out he had booked a table for dinner. Poor guy I was not hungry at all has I had had a late lunch. So we sat for ages out the front just talking. Finally we went in and had something to eat. I was really nervous but he was just so nice. So very very funny and we had a lot of that verbal sparring going on.
After dinner we went for a walk down to the end of the jetty. Just talking, finding out lots of things about each other. Me just talking and talking away. Lol. I did warn him! After that we went and sat or laid as the case maybe on the grass near the lifesaving club. More talking. And comfortable silences. So after saying no to both him coming back to my house or me going to his house. We went for a drive. We went to the Moana beach, where we drove onto the beach and watched a thunder storm come in. (the night was beautiful albeit a bit cold, it is raining now lol and thunder which is why I am awake after only 3 hours sleep). So we stayed there for a hours. talking, listening to music, cuddling, kissing. It was all really really nice.
He was very very respectful of the fact that I said I was not having sex. He knew that from the get go. I hadn't shaved so I knew I would not be tempted. Very funny as I told him that and he said right lets go get a razor! But he was a gentleman. Pushed things as far as he thought he should lol. He also kept saying how lovely my face was. Just saying nice things about me.
The other few dates I have been on it has been like I see them again because I don't' know if I want to see them again. This time I want to see him again. He said he would be in contact with me and I really hope he will. I would see him again today if I could.
I have been thinking about it and it is so much like my first date with G. I got in a car with G the first time I met him. But I knew it was ok. Don't ask me how but I just did. I have never done that before until now. I just knew it would be ok. And just being comfortable around him. It is nice.
So of course having said all that I go back to worrying. What if's. I guess I will just have to wait and see. G hung around. Nearly 4 years later we are still friends in a weird don't see each other much way. So hopefully D will just be that bit more than G.
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