the wonderful feeling just stopped.

I give up I really really do. How can I really believe anything good that people say about me when rejection follows so closely. Yes D gave the sorry I like you but... So it just makes me think that all the lovely stuff he said was just crap and it is not fair. I give up.

Ok I had started that when D txt me and said he was online if I wanted to talk. So talk we did. Now the reason he decided to not go the relationship thing with me is because of stuff he has to do. Oh here is the message he sent me.

HI There,i really had a nice time last night,you are a real gem.Kate i have been thinking about us and i dont think it will really work out as a relationship,but as a friendship no probs.The reason being i will be doing some travel next year and going overseas i dont think it would be fair to you and your lovely family..to be there then not be there for i guess my own selfish reasons.This trip means alot to me as i havent been and seen my family for 25yrs.You are a beautiful person Kate you have everything going for you,remember dont be shy,you are very educated and will succeed in what ever you do in life.Im really sorry.Hope your not shitty with me.please contact me if you just want to chat,anytime.

Now I get what he has to do. His trip is England. His dad died 25 years ago and he has never even seen where he is buried. So I understand. He is also thinking of moving to Mt Gambier. So anyway. We are talking on the thingo and in the end he just rings me. Of course I am upset. So we talk some more with all my walls just going straight back up and pretending that I am strong and I am fine with it all. In the end we decided to go for a walk along the beach.

So my hair is mega curly I am in my trackies, barely any makeup and he makes his lovely comments again. So we have come to friendship. We both talked about how lonely we are etc and we are not into one night stands. (his ex ran off with his best mate of 32 years!!) We are not going to be FB. Thankfully. I so do not want him to see me naked. He is not interested in having a relationship with anyone. (I was his one and only date!!)He commented on how he is sick of not having someone to just hang out with, the whole companionship thing. Of course I am the same. Yes I want more. But he is not that one for that. Thats fine. Yes I am sad that he isn't but what he is offering me.....a friendship, probably means more to me atm. I told him about J and how long it took me to adjust to not having that company. Because although I never met J it was still company. The amount we talked on the phone. I could call him at any time etc. I miss that. Well I now have it with D. He said to me "well how bout I be that person you can call!!)

Its not like G who I hardly see and I can't just call because I am having a crappy day. D and I get on really well. And I get now that he is not rejecting me but the concept of a relationship full stop.

So I am still sad because I am back to square one with no guy in sight. But on the other hand I have company now. We are going to the movies next Monday when I don't have the kids. And he wants to take me out so I can get totally pissed because I never have the opportunity to do that!!lol sad sad world lol. (I did tell him he was in for a short night that night!!)

I have gained a friend who hopefully will be in my life more than my other friends because we both need that friendship! Yet again time will tell. And he still says I am lovely and I am special. So it is nice to hear those things. G never says stuff like that!! lol See Kate there is even better than G out there. (don't tell G but D maybe shorter but his arms and chest are so much yummier lol)