I am back after my break away to Wallaroo with D. It was such a lovely time away. So relaxing, literally doing nothing. It was great. Honestly I can't be bothered going to much into it but it was just nice. Yeah it was in a tent and it was a pain but for two nights it was ok. I got badly sun burnt even though I tried to avoid it but oh well.
Things are still the same with D. He just dropped me back home and he stayed for a while and we chatted. Cleared a few things up. He really doesn't want to commit to me, or anyone for that matter. He said that he wants to take the opportunity to have sex with someone else if it comes up etc. Nice isn't it but that isn't what it is all about but he wants me to know that. I can see that if he jumped into a relationship with me now it wouldn't be right for him. I am fine with that. I will be upset if he has sex with someone else but I know that is the sort of crap he needs to sort out. He may never be ready but he may be ready soon or maybe in a year. I am content with what we have. He knows that. He is not off with anyone else. He will tell me if he does. I know that. So while things are like they are I am ok. If/when he sleeps with someone then I will deal with what I do then.
As he said today we are doing stuff like we are in a relationship and that worries him. But he keeps doing it. There were a few other things that we sorted out that are personal and have no desire to go through them here but it is all good.
I am happy. Things could be better but they could be worse. I will take each day as it comes and honestly at the moment I will hold on to the fact that D does really like me and I think he will come one day to the conclusion that he does want a relationship. Maybe la la land but for now it will do.
Sunday, 28 December 2008
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Just an update 24th December 09
So.... sorry I have been busy.....
First thing....D. Well things had been very up and down. Although he had decided not to see this woman again he was still looking and keeping me at an arms length. A week ago we had a bit of an argument. I don't even know what over. We had already decided, we, he had and I agreed, that there would be no relationship type behaviour, like kissing, sex, you know all of that. He was worried I would get hurt. I did tried to tell him that I would get hurt with or without that but that is what was fixed in his head so I let him go.
So this argument ended with it being decided that we wouldn't see each other as much and I would date again. It all ended ok with us still friends etc. So two nights later I went out on a date. It was pretty dull. But I did it. D came around the next night to help me put together Laura's desk/bed. I had on a dress which he found very nice. I kept it all above board. He didn't. He kept telling me how gorgeous I looked. His hands wondered a few times, which I stopped. He quizzed me about my date. Going over the top about how great he thought it was. To the point that it was obvious that he was worried. He mentioned that he did think he was cutting his own throat by letting me go.
All in all a good night. It was fun. He had a great time as well.
The next afternoon he rolls up unannounced to take me for a drive along the beach. That surprised me.
The following night was his Aunty's 80th birthday which he had invited me to. It was a great night with everyone telling him he was crazy for only just being friends with me.
We came back to my place and the whole friends thing just went out the window. It was so nice. We just messed around, talked etc. It was a lovely night and we finally dragged ourselves off to bed at about 3.30am. He just said so many nice things and one of those was I don't want you to see other guys. I laughed. I did say you don't really mean that. He just sort of said I guess not, I don't know.
And now after it being called off after the argument, we are going away. Just for the two nights. I am so excited. Just to relax and spend time not worrying about anything.
I don't know what is going to happen with D. But he is getting in deeper. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. It will be interesting to see what happens while we are away. Fingers crossed it is all good. I know that I just intend to have fun and just enjoy it. I have fallen for him, he has made it a little hard for me not to. It is I guess just up to him to decide what he is going to do.
Work.....work is full on. I survived my two weeks in the office, I really enjoyed it. This week I am supervising the front end. I am going to hate going back on register full time. The manager knows this so hopefully when things settle something will change.
Kids..... are driving me insane. Really really insane. I need this break away from them and the everything else. It is all very well not having them for the week but I still have to work etc. I need this time off to just get my shit back together and find my patience again. I have lost it I think.
That is the update for now I guess. Sorry the grammar sucks. I have just done it really really quickly because who knows when I will update again.
First thing....D. Well things had been very up and down. Although he had decided not to see this woman again he was still looking and keeping me at an arms length. A week ago we had a bit of an argument. I don't even know what over. We had already decided, we, he had and I agreed, that there would be no relationship type behaviour, like kissing, sex, you know all of that. He was worried I would get hurt. I did tried to tell him that I would get hurt with or without that but that is what was fixed in his head so I let him go.
So this argument ended with it being decided that we wouldn't see each other as much and I would date again. It all ended ok with us still friends etc. So two nights later I went out on a date. It was pretty dull. But I did it. D came around the next night to help me put together Laura's desk/bed. I had on a dress which he found very nice. I kept it all above board. He didn't. He kept telling me how gorgeous I looked. His hands wondered a few times, which I stopped. He quizzed me about my date. Going over the top about how great he thought it was. To the point that it was obvious that he was worried. He mentioned that he did think he was cutting his own throat by letting me go.
All in all a good night. It was fun. He had a great time as well.
The next afternoon he rolls up unannounced to take me for a drive along the beach. That surprised me.
The following night was his Aunty's 80th birthday which he had invited me to. It was a great night with everyone telling him he was crazy for only just being friends with me.
We came back to my place and the whole friends thing just went out the window. It was so nice. We just messed around, talked etc. It was a lovely night and we finally dragged ourselves off to bed at about 3.30am. He just said so many nice things and one of those was I don't want you to see other guys. I laughed. I did say you don't really mean that. He just sort of said I guess not, I don't know.
And now after it being called off after the argument, we are going away. Just for the two nights. I am so excited. Just to relax and spend time not worrying about anything.
I don't know what is going to happen with D. But he is getting in deeper. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. It will be interesting to see what happens while we are away. Fingers crossed it is all good. I know that I just intend to have fun and just enjoy it. I have fallen for him, he has made it a little hard for me not to. It is I guess just up to him to decide what he is going to do.
Work.....work is full on. I survived my two weeks in the office, I really enjoyed it. This week I am supervising the front end. I am going to hate going back on register full time. The manager knows this so hopefully when things settle something will change.
Kids..... are driving me insane. Really really insane. I need this break away from them and the everything else. It is all very well not having them for the week but I still have to work etc. I need this time off to just get my shit back together and find my patience again. I have lost it I think.
That is the update for now I guess. Sorry the grammar sucks. I have just done it really really quickly because who knows when I will update again.
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Life is never boring......9th December 2008
So yesterday D informed me that his date went really well and he would like to see her again to find out if he does want to see her again. (my words but that is what he meant) Of course I am a tad upset by all that. But after work I was really upset about other stuff (more about that later) so we got together for a coffee. And we talked. I told him I didn't want things to change. And that perhaps he may think she is the one for him and not me. He of course said that we were different but he had to look at things like her being able to travel etc whereas I can't because of the kids. So we talked and talked about lots of stuff and finally I said I had better go.
I got in the car and realised the time was 6.00pm. I had my taekwondo grading at 6.30. So I flew home to get changed only to get a phone call from D saying after my grading come to his house and stay the night. So that is what I did. (I passed my taekwondo grading without vomiting so that was good) We went out to the pub for a couple of drinks then back to his house. I didn't want to talk about the other girl. He told me that he would have to make a decision because there was no way he was going to go from her bed to mine. In which case if he decided that he wanted what he had with me but with her then I dip out. Although we would still be friends things would change.
So anywho, he informed me tonight that he is not worrying about her now. Apparently it all got to hard to try and find a time to meet and she didn't seem that keen or something. I didn't press to much for details. And he has taken himself off the site. Although he is quick to point out that we are still just friends and he is not committing. He does not want commitment. Well I knew that already. So we will just see how things go. I am just happy they don't appear to be changing. Especially as he just rang me to inform me that he has just purchased a ps3 and a big screen tv. That is all he rang for. I said something about Saturday night and he said oh well if you want to wait that long till you see me! so that was nice.
Now onto other things. Work.....OMG yesterday was full on. It was good but full on. Just trying to get everything done on time as a mail bag has to be sent by 3 and everything has to be in it. I got it done but with how many mistakes I don't know. Today was a slower day and I had all the office work done by 10 which was very nice. Tomorrow could be another hell day with the mail bag having to go again.
My car..... well I took it to one crash repairer who said that it will probably be written off. So not what I want to hear. So I have to go to another crash repairers and make a time for an assessor to look at the car. D bless him is going to take my car in for me on one of his days off and bring it back for me so I don't have to worry about not having my car. Thing is if they write it off I could be 10 days without a car. And then have to find another car. I will never get as good of a deal as I did with this car. I am so not happy about it.
So that is where I am at at the moment. All updated lol
I got in the car and realised the time was 6.00pm. I had my taekwondo grading at 6.30. So I flew home to get changed only to get a phone call from D saying after my grading come to his house and stay the night. So that is what I did. (I passed my taekwondo grading without vomiting so that was good) We went out to the pub for a couple of drinks then back to his house. I didn't want to talk about the other girl. He told me that he would have to make a decision because there was no way he was going to go from her bed to mine. In which case if he decided that he wanted what he had with me but with her then I dip out. Although we would still be friends things would change.
So anywho, he informed me tonight that he is not worrying about her now. Apparently it all got to hard to try and find a time to meet and she didn't seem that keen or something. I didn't press to much for details. And he has taken himself off the site. Although he is quick to point out that we are still just friends and he is not committing. He does not want commitment. Well I knew that already. So we will just see how things go. I am just happy they don't appear to be changing. Especially as he just rang me to inform me that he has just purchased a ps3 and a big screen tv. That is all he rang for. I said something about Saturday night and he said oh well if you want to wait that long till you see me! so that was nice.
Now onto other things. Work.....OMG yesterday was full on. It was good but full on. Just trying to get everything done on time as a mail bag has to be sent by 3 and everything has to be in it. I got it done but with how many mistakes I don't know. Today was a slower day and I had all the office work done by 10 which was very nice. Tomorrow could be another hell day with the mail bag having to go again.
My car..... well I took it to one crash repairer who said that it will probably be written off. So not what I want to hear. So I have to go to another crash repairers and make a time for an assessor to look at the car. D bless him is going to take my car in for me on one of his days off and bring it back for me so I don't have to worry about not having my car. Thing is if they write it off I could be 10 days without a car. And then have to find another car. I will never get as good of a deal as I did with this car. I am so not happy about it.
So that is where I am at at the moment. All updated lol
Sunday, 7 December 2008
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.... 7th December 08
We are putting the Christmas tree up and the kids have just started fighting. Oh yeah bring it on lol.
We have had a great day. Which really started last night. D came over last night. He brought the Patriot with him. We rearranged the couch, ordered pizza, drank and watch the movie. Not really my kind of movie but D liked the fact that he found out more about me by me watching it he said. Lol. That I am a sook and don't like the gory bits???
Anyway he stayed over and then today we went to Normanville to look at a van in a park he is thinking of buying down there. We had lunch and then took the kids to a playground. We sat in the car and watched them and talked. We then drove home via the Myponga reservoir. Which was nice. We also took his car down to the beach. We put the kids in the back of the ute and drove. They loved it.
D and the kids ganged up on me and the Christmas tree is being put up in the window. Not where I wanted it but oh well!!!!
So the down side of the time we spent together???? D has a date tonight. A woman off the dating site. Now I know he is only interested in friends. But I have spent the whole time with him making it appear that I don't give a rip. But in actual fact of course I do. What happens if this woman is wonderful? What happens if they get on like a house on fire? Well I know the answers. I move on and he wasn't the one for me. But it won't be that easy. He has actually told me that he doesn't want to go on anymore dates and this is the last one. Last night I asked if I could see her profile. Of course he let me and he is not talking to many people at all. I was surprised. I also said to him today oh I am not worried because I am the one. She won't be good as me. He just looked at me and said yeah I think you are right. I didn't say anything else and we just went on talking about other things.
So that aside all is good as always between us. I have Faylie back and he is totally allergic to her which is a pain. Doesn't help that Fay is mourning her kittens and is yelling all the time. I hate that so I know that D does as well. But he talks about him getting a house so that I can come over and he can cook for me. Just stuff like that. So I guess I just need to stop worrying. But that is hard. And I am worried about it. Arghhhhhhh I need to get confidence and self esteem.
We have had a great day. Which really started last night. D came over last night. He brought the Patriot with him. We rearranged the couch, ordered pizza, drank and watch the movie. Not really my kind of movie but D liked the fact that he found out more about me by me watching it he said. Lol. That I am a sook and don't like the gory bits???
Anyway he stayed over and then today we went to Normanville to look at a van in a park he is thinking of buying down there. We had lunch and then took the kids to a playground. We sat in the car and watched them and talked. We then drove home via the Myponga reservoir. Which was nice. We also took his car down to the beach. We put the kids in the back of the ute and drove. They loved it.
D and the kids ganged up on me and the Christmas tree is being put up in the window. Not where I wanted it but oh well!!!!
So the down side of the time we spent together???? D has a date tonight. A woman off the dating site. Now I know he is only interested in friends. But I have spent the whole time with him making it appear that I don't give a rip. But in actual fact of course I do. What happens if this woman is wonderful? What happens if they get on like a house on fire? Well I know the answers. I move on and he wasn't the one for me. But it won't be that easy. He has actually told me that he doesn't want to go on anymore dates and this is the last one. Last night I asked if I could see her profile. Of course he let me and he is not talking to many people at all. I was surprised. I also said to him today oh I am not worried because I am the one. She won't be good as me. He just looked at me and said yeah I think you are right. I didn't say anything else and we just went on talking about other things.
So that aside all is good as always between us. I have Faylie back and he is totally allergic to her which is a pain. Doesn't help that Fay is mourning her kittens and is yelling all the time. I hate that so I know that D does as well. But he talks about him getting a house so that I can come over and he can cook for me. Just stuff like that. So I guess I just need to stop worrying. But that is hard. And I am worried about it. Arghhhhhhh I need to get confidence and self esteem.
Friday, 5 December 2008
oasis active
So for all of you arriving here after googling the above. First of all Lol!! Sorry I just find it funny that you come here after googling that. Anyway. I have met one guy off there and if you decide to continue reading this you will discover that I am pretty happy with it all.
The site is good for a free site, albeit slow. Good luck!!!
The site is good for a free site, albeit slow. Good luck!!!
More of the same..... 5th December 08
For some reason the new templates I am using aren't showing the date. So going to have to put it in. It is there just not showing up. I want to show it up. I need to learn more about all this so I can change it properly!!
Anyway...... Things with D are still wonderful. Seeing each other all the time. I spent Sunday night with him.I ended up staying at his place and then driving home getting changed and going to work. After work I went around to his place and then he came back to mine after dinner. We went for a walk while the kids rode their bikes. He then stayed the night. In the morning we went our separate ways as we both had appointments. Then we met up again for my doc appointment. More about that later. We picked my kids up from school and then I drove him home again. I haven't seen him since then but he has rung me each day. Just when I start to worry he rings me. Yes I am still worrying. It is silly. I know this guy likes me but I am still so insecure when I don't have contact with him for a while. I need to stop this but it is so difficult.
Sunday night he made me feel so good. I straightened my hair and had brought some much needed clothes and he said he was blown away by how different I looked. It doesn't matter what I wear he always says nice things about me. I could get very used to this.
Of course I am playing it all very cool. He keeps telling me that he isn't ready to commit. Which in my head I know he isn't. He has only been separated just a year now. He has things to do. But has someone said to me today, his mouth is saying no but his actions are saying relationship and it is true. He has invited me to Christmas with his family after I lose the kids at 4. (very very nervous about meeting his 19 year old son!) We are going away for 4 days after Christmas. And then he invited me to a big family birthday bash for an 80 year old relative. (An aunty perhaps). So I will just play it by ear. No pressure on him. He knows what I would like. We have talked about it. I have also told him I know he can't commit. I do know that. But it scares me that he may still meet someone whom he decides is the one. I just have to deal with that I guess. I am enjoying the whole thing at the moment and I will take it as it comes for now.
Now the doc appointment. I think I have another polyp. D said he would come with me. Bless him. I freak out about this. I thought I would have an examination etc. But I got in and he just referred me straight to the hospital. I guess because this is my second one. He did say it is less likely to be cancerous due to the first one being ok. Not looking forward to it all. D is happy to be by my side though. lol poor guy won't know what he has got himself into.
Work is good. Busy but good. I am sure I will be in the bad books as I had a sickie today. I seem to be having a lot. But i have this head cold thing happening. No way I could have stood at the reg all day today. I am pretty sure M is ticked because I am in the office. I go in full time next week but was in there yesterday for the day. He just makes all these little remarks, I hate it. I really hope the next two weeks go ok in the office. I need it to go really well. I am sure M would like me to stuff up big time so he can go told you so. But the store manager is pretty cool with it all so fingers crossed it is ok.
A week or so ago I went paint balling with some of the people from work. I was scared brainless!! But I didn't end up getting hit. That could be because I didn't move. I hid behind something and just shot at people!! Then would suddenly realise I was the only one left in my team. I then surrendered lol. I didnt' want to get hit.
Then afterward on the way to goodbye drinks for K at work, I was stopped at a stop sign and a guy ran up the back of me. So angry and pissed off. We all had minor back and neck pain but it has gone now. D the sweet man came to my place and between him and mum he talked me into still going to the pub. Mum and dad took Lachlan and D took the other two and myself to the pub. It was nice. All the people from work met him.
Everything else is ok. Patrick has been playing up a bit this week. To the point of not being allowed to grade at taekwondo. Today he seems better and I just spoke to him and hopefully things have settled. I tried to find out if it was about D and he assures me it isn't but would he really tell me if it was? Don't know.
Anyway...... Things with D are still wonderful. Seeing each other all the time. I spent Sunday night with him.I ended up staying at his place and then driving home getting changed and going to work. After work I went around to his place and then he came back to mine after dinner. We went for a walk while the kids rode their bikes. He then stayed the night. In the morning we went our separate ways as we both had appointments. Then we met up again for my doc appointment. More about that later. We picked my kids up from school and then I drove him home again. I haven't seen him since then but he has rung me each day. Just when I start to worry he rings me. Yes I am still worrying. It is silly. I know this guy likes me but I am still so insecure when I don't have contact with him for a while. I need to stop this but it is so difficult.
Sunday night he made me feel so good. I straightened my hair and had brought some much needed clothes and he said he was blown away by how different I looked. It doesn't matter what I wear he always says nice things about me. I could get very used to this.
Of course I am playing it all very cool. He keeps telling me that he isn't ready to commit. Which in my head I know he isn't. He has only been separated just a year now. He has things to do. But has someone said to me today, his mouth is saying no but his actions are saying relationship and it is true. He has invited me to Christmas with his family after I lose the kids at 4. (very very nervous about meeting his 19 year old son!) We are going away for 4 days after Christmas. And then he invited me to a big family birthday bash for an 80 year old relative. (An aunty perhaps). So I will just play it by ear. No pressure on him. He knows what I would like. We have talked about it. I have also told him I know he can't commit. I do know that. But it scares me that he may still meet someone whom he decides is the one. I just have to deal with that I guess. I am enjoying the whole thing at the moment and I will take it as it comes for now.
Now the doc appointment. I think I have another polyp. D said he would come with me. Bless him. I freak out about this. I thought I would have an examination etc. But I got in and he just referred me straight to the hospital. I guess because this is my second one. He did say it is less likely to be cancerous due to the first one being ok. Not looking forward to it all. D is happy to be by my side though. lol poor guy won't know what he has got himself into.
Work is good. Busy but good. I am sure I will be in the bad books as I had a sickie today. I seem to be having a lot. But i have this head cold thing happening. No way I could have stood at the reg all day today. I am pretty sure M is ticked because I am in the office. I go in full time next week but was in there yesterday for the day. He just makes all these little remarks, I hate it. I really hope the next two weeks go ok in the office. I need it to go really well. I am sure M would like me to stuff up big time so he can go told you so. But the store manager is pretty cool with it all so fingers crossed it is ok.
A week or so ago I went paint balling with some of the people from work. I was scared brainless!! But I didn't end up getting hit. That could be because I didn't move. I hid behind something and just shot at people!! Then would suddenly realise I was the only one left in my team. I then surrendered lol. I didnt' want to get hit.
Then afterward on the way to goodbye drinks for K at work, I was stopped at a stop sign and a guy ran up the back of me. So angry and pissed off. We all had minor back and neck pain but it has gone now. D the sweet man came to my place and between him and mum he talked me into still going to the pub. Mum and dad took Lachlan and D took the other two and myself to the pub. It was nice. All the people from work met him.
Everything else is ok. Patrick has been playing up a bit this week. To the point of not being allowed to grade at taekwondo. Today he seems better and I just spoke to him and hopefully things have settled. I tried to find out if it was about D and he assures me it isn't but would he really tell me if it was? Don't know.
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