More of the same..... 5th December 08

For some reason the new templates I am using aren't showing the date. So going to have to put it in. It is there just not showing up. I want to show it up. I need to learn more about all this so I can change it properly!!

Anyway...... Things with D are still wonderful. Seeing each other all the time. I spent Sunday night with him.I ended up staying at his place and then driving home getting changed and going to work. After work I went around to his place and then he came back to mine after dinner. We went for a walk while the kids rode their bikes. He then stayed the night. In the morning we went our separate ways as we both had appointments. Then we met up again for my doc appointment. More about that later. We picked my kids up from school and then I drove him home again. I haven't seen him since then but he has rung me each day. Just when I start to worry he rings me. Yes I am still worrying. It is silly. I know this guy likes me but I am still so insecure when I don't have contact with him for a while. I need to stop this but it is so difficult.

Sunday night he made me feel so good. I straightened my hair and had brought some much needed clothes and he said he was blown away by how different I looked. It doesn't matter what I wear he always says nice things about me. I could get very used to this.

Of course I am playing it all very cool. He keeps telling me that he isn't ready to commit. Which in my head I know he isn't. He has only been separated just a year now. He has things to do. But has someone said to me today, his mouth is saying no but his actions are saying relationship and it is true. He has invited me to Christmas with his family after I lose the kids at 4. (very very nervous about meeting his 19 year old son!) We are going away for 4 days after Christmas. And then he invited me to a big family birthday bash for an 80 year old relative. (An aunty perhaps). So I will just play it by ear. No pressure on him. He knows what I would like. We have talked about it. I have also told him I know he can't commit. I do know that. But it scares me that he may still meet someone whom he decides is the one. I just have to deal with that I guess. I am enjoying the whole thing at the moment and I will take it as it comes for now.

Now the doc appointment. I think I have another polyp. D said he would come with me. Bless him. I freak out about this. I thought I would have an examination etc. But I got in and he just referred me straight to the hospital. I guess because this is my second one. He did say it is less likely to be cancerous due to the first one being ok. Not looking forward to it all. D is happy to be by my side though. lol poor guy won't know what he has got himself into.

Work is good. Busy but good. I am sure I will be in the bad books as I had a sickie today. I seem to be having a lot. But i have this head cold thing happening. No way I could have stood at the reg all day today. I am pretty sure M is ticked because I am in the office. I go in full time next week but was in there yesterday for the day. He just makes all these little remarks, I hate it. I really hope the next two weeks go ok in the office. I need it to go really well. I am sure M would like me to stuff up big time so he can go told you so. But the store manager is pretty cool with it all so fingers crossed it is ok.
A week or so ago I went paint balling with some of the people from work. I was scared brainless!! But I didn't end up getting hit. That could be because I didn't move. I hid behind something and just shot at people!! Then would suddenly realise I was the only one left in my team. I then surrendered lol. I didnt' want to get hit.

Then afterward on the way to goodbye drinks for K at work, I was stopped at a stop sign and a guy ran up the back of me. So angry and pissed off. We all had minor back and neck pain but it has gone now. D the sweet man came to my place and between him and mum he talked me into still going to the pub. Mum and dad took Lachlan and D took the other two and myself to the pub. It was nice. All the people from work met him.

Everything else is ok. Patrick has been playing up a bit this week. To the point of not being allowed to grade at taekwondo. Today he seems better and I just spoke to him and hopefully things have settled. I tried to find out if it was about D and he assures me it isn't but would he really tell me if it was? Don't know.