Ok so for a bit of background as I don't know how much I have mentioned. Shit for brains, has a girlfriend. A. The kids for a little while have commented that SFB has changed. They have enjoyed going around there a bit more. And things seemed better.
Lol well that was short lived. Patrick has a party to go to on Saturday. The kids are at SFB house this weekend. The party is from 3-7 and Patrick really wants to go as this I think is his girlfriend. Anyway. SFB is seeing a lot of this A girl. They go to her house all the time. The kids are bored brainless and SFB makes the kids do the dishes at this woman's house all the time after dinner etc.
So apparently there is a thing SFB wants to go to which starts at 7 which means they have to leave at 6. SFB originally suggested that I take Patrick. Which meant of course that he would have to spent the night with me. But SFB wants him back at his house at 9 the next morning. Who cares about my plans or that I may want to sleep in. Anyway after basically talking to SFB and having him be rude to me I said to Patrick I couldn't do it. He understood.
So the next thing was that Mum and dad offered to take Patrick to the party and then drop him off at Maccas at 5.30. So Patrick could still go to some of the party and SFB could still go to his thing. Patrick asked him about it but he went off basically saying no they were going straight after soccer so SFB could see A. Patrick went off back and said you always see her. You say you put us first but you don't really. SFB sprouted all the stuff back out again. How I poisoned the dog. (of course I didn't) and that why couldn't I take Patrick to the party. Blah blah. He went off at Lachlan and Laura because they stood up for me.
Anyway. SFB decided to take them down to the beach after he picked them up from OSCH. 5.00pm so he could go fishing. It is freezing here. Even colder right on the beach. I get a phone call from Patrick at about 5.20pm. (I don't know all of this yet) He has ticked off from SFB and needs me to pick him up. I go to one part of the beach but because of the dates can't drive on that one anymore. So I go up to Silver Sands which is where SFB has parked. I didn't realise he would be so close to the entrance and he sees me. I drive off still talking to Patrick on the phone. Long story short. I eventually find him. After SFB caught up to me. But I got in my car quick. (which in a way was sad as I am just waiting for a chance to hurt him lol)
So I drive to Mum and Dad's because I know SFB will go to my place. He eventually calls me and asks what is Patrick doing staying or going back to his place. So I have Patrick with me now. I am not impressed but he couldn't go back to SFB tonight. He really was scared to. He said by Sunday it won't be as fresh in SFB mind. How sad is that?
My sleep in is down the drain. Soccer is at 9.00. Have to be there by 8.30. So I guess we will leave here at about 8.00 maybe a bit before. Fantastic.
I now have a date as well Saturday. Patrick has his party at 3. Mum and dad have said they will have him overnight. So I am meeting this guy at 3.30. For coffee. If it goes well as he put it we will progress to dinner and wine. lol. We shall see. Mum and dad are taking Patrick to Macs at 9 on Sunday morning.
This all just sucks. He is such a dick. The kids are over going to A's. That is all they do. The kids just watch TV or do the dishes or clean. At her house! I did tell them that sometimes he would want to be with her and not do much. Just spend time with A. But they say it is all the time. Not like D and I who did stuff with the kids. We went out. Or if he was here they would be included for some of it. Of course there were times where we did just want and did have our time. But for the most part we did stuff with the kids. That is not happening with SFB and A.
Who knows what will happen. This is the second weekend in a row of his that I have had one of the kids. Last time it was taking Lachlan to soccer because SFB didn't want to drive so far.
I am over it. I wasn't looking forward to a boring weekend. So I guess now it isn't.
And yes he will now be called SFB because I think it is fitting.
Friday 29 May 2009
Saturday 23 May 2009
It is going down.......
I am hitting the 71's. I am a tad pleased about that!!!
Soccer today. Just taken Lachlan over to the school. They may actually win. They had scored 2 goals in the first half. I have come home now to kick the other two up the bum as Patrick has soccer over at McClaren Flat. It is a cup match so hopefully they will do well.
Later on I am taking the younger two to see Night at the Museum. Patrick isn't going because of his behaviour this week. I hope this works as I feel really guilty. But I have always said if this continues this won't happen etc etc but with the big stuff never done it. So now it is getting serious.
I was chatting to two guys last night and will probably be seeing both Monday. I have a date with one Monday night. S. And A says he is coming into work Monday morning. They are both very different guys and I am nervous as all get out as normal. S is a nice guy who is clean cut and a tad on the reserved side from what I can gather. A is a bit more out there but really nice. Bit of a dag. Bit rougher for the want of better words.
D has been in contact. Albeit just to forward funny emails to me. But least it means he is actually still talking to me. Who knows what will happen when he comes back. I miss him so much it hurts. So it is nice to know that we can still be friends. I guess that is why I am a worrying about these guys as well. I want something so bad I really want to meet someone and have what I had with D. Now I know it can happen. I fall so easily as well which just opens me up for heartache.
I thank Raina though. We have been talking so much and I know that if she wasn't around I would be feeling lonely and depressed all the time. It really is amazing what a good friend who is there for you can do. My life is so different from a year ago. Even with missing D and feeling that hurt. I am not back to where I was before I met him. I am thankful for that.
Qld is booked. I can't wait. Really really can't wait. It just seems so far away.
Soccer today. Just taken Lachlan over to the school. They may actually win. They had scored 2 goals in the first half. I have come home now to kick the other two up the bum as Patrick has soccer over at McClaren Flat. It is a cup match so hopefully they will do well.
Later on I am taking the younger two to see Night at the Museum. Patrick isn't going because of his behaviour this week. I hope this works as I feel really guilty. But I have always said if this continues this won't happen etc etc but with the big stuff never done it. So now it is getting serious.
I was chatting to two guys last night and will probably be seeing both Monday. I have a date with one Monday night. S. And A says he is coming into work Monday morning. They are both very different guys and I am nervous as all get out as normal. S is a nice guy who is clean cut and a tad on the reserved side from what I can gather. A is a bit more out there but really nice. Bit of a dag. Bit rougher for the want of better words.
D has been in contact. Albeit just to forward funny emails to me. But least it means he is actually still talking to me. Who knows what will happen when he comes back. I miss him so much it hurts. So it is nice to know that we can still be friends. I guess that is why I am a worrying about these guys as well. I want something so bad I really want to meet someone and have what I had with D. Now I know it can happen. I fall so easily as well which just opens me up for heartache.
I thank Raina though. We have been talking so much and I know that if she wasn't around I would be feeling lonely and depressed all the time. It really is amazing what a good friend who is there for you can do. My life is so different from a year ago. Even with missing D and feeling that hurt. I am not back to where I was before I met him. I am thankful for that.
Qld is booked. I can't wait. Really really can't wait. It just seems so far away.
Thursday 21 May 2009
Bright as a beet
Not much is happening really yet again. Boooorrring! lol
Last night at taekwondo I had another allergy thing going on. I got itchy hands and then my ears and my lips went all tingly. I took a tablet when I knew for sure it was happening. But it didn't really help. My nose blocked up, which has never happened before. I popped another tablet as we were leaving. I can't take two straight up or I would be asleep in five seconds. So by the time we got home I was out of it. I crawled straight into bed. It had traveled down to just below my knees by the time I did that and I was bright red. The worse thing is that when I woke up this morning I struggled and my eyes were still red and sore. It took until lunch time to start feeling better but even now I am struggling a bit with it. If it happens again I am going to have to go to the hospital as it does seem to be getting worse.
Mum is wondering if it is all stress related. I had to come home early yesterday to pick up Patrick because his behaviour warranted it. What with the cancer thing and everything that has been going on the last couple of weeks, it is hard to hold it all together.
Not much else is happening really. I had a training thing that I had to go with the store manager to. That was interesting. Well the drive in and back was. Lol. He told me that I am doing a great job etc etc which really made me feel good. He also told me that he wants me to learn payroll. (A job the service manager does) So that is a bit exciting.
The Qld thing is all happening. Must book the accommodation. (Will speak to you Raina about actually doing this lol) It was a toss up between two houses. Raina is really keen on a lovely split level place in Burleigh Heads. I like it as well. But the more I think about it the more I can't wait to sit by the pool watching the sea, passed all the night lights and just talk!!!! I am so looking forward to this. October seems so far away though.
That is it. I had better get dinner out of the oven so the kids have time to eat before taekwondo.
Last night at taekwondo I had another allergy thing going on. I got itchy hands and then my ears and my lips went all tingly. I took a tablet when I knew for sure it was happening. But it didn't really help. My nose blocked up, which has never happened before. I popped another tablet as we were leaving. I can't take two straight up or I would be asleep in five seconds. So by the time we got home I was out of it. I crawled straight into bed. It had traveled down to just below my knees by the time I did that and I was bright red. The worse thing is that when I woke up this morning I struggled and my eyes were still red and sore. It took until lunch time to start feeling better but even now I am struggling a bit with it. If it happens again I am going to have to go to the hospital as it does seem to be getting worse.
Mum is wondering if it is all stress related. I had to come home early yesterday to pick up Patrick because his behaviour warranted it. What with the cancer thing and everything that has been going on the last couple of weeks, it is hard to hold it all together.
Not much else is happening really. I had a training thing that I had to go with the store manager to. That was interesting. Well the drive in and back was. Lol. He told me that I am doing a great job etc etc which really made me feel good. He also told me that he wants me to learn payroll. (A job the service manager does) So that is a bit exciting.
The Qld thing is all happening. Must book the accommodation. (Will speak to you Raina about actually doing this lol) It was a toss up between two houses. Raina is really keen on a lovely split level place in Burleigh Heads. I like it as well. But the more I think about it the more I can't wait to sit by the pool watching the sea, passed all the night lights and just talk!!!! I am so looking forward to this. October seems so far away though.
That is it. I had better get dinner out of the oven so the kids have time to eat before taekwondo.
Thursday 14 May 2009
and the results are in
So I am all over the place at the moment. Which I put down to having my period. Now this is way to much info but my blog so I will talk about it. This is the period that I didn't have to have but apparently need to have. I hate having my period and yes I guess most people do but mine are so heavy and horrible that it cuts a week out of my life. I don't get craps usually but just the heaviness of it is enough to kill me. I hate going to work. I can't go to taekwondo. (think white uniform)
Anyway I am just feeling lousy today. Niggly headache and just yuk. That of course is making me emotionally crap as well. I have been generally ok with the whole D thing but today it is bugging me. As it was late yesterday afternoon after a really good day.
Now I had my coloscopy Monday. What a horrible day that was. I was teary before I even went in there. All around me were people with cancer. It being a cancer clinic and all. The procedure itself was horrible and I was a mess. Good news though no cancer. Yep no cancer!!! But as normal I was just a complete mess during and after. I sat in my car afterwards just bawling my eyes out. I wanted D with me. Because he had been there for all the other things. I just felt so alone.
I went and saw Karen afterwards. It was really good to catch up with her. Got all teary there as well. Was such a foul day. That night though I got up with Keri from work. (well she now works at another store) I wasn't going to go out but she talked me into it. We went to Bracegirdles at Glenelg and just talked and talked for ages. She seems to think I have not heard the last of D but I am not holding my breath. We then went two doors up and got take away baskin and robbins. Which I ate Tuesday night. Yumo.
I have been chatting a lot to Raina. It has been great. I loved catching up with Karen and Keri but it is not the same as having a friend that you see all the time etc and talk and off load etc. I know I don't get to see Raina but being able to have chats has made me feel less alone.
The one thing that has been making me feel really really good is my weight. (apart from today when nothing I think would make me feel better.) I am the lowest I have been in a couple of years and I am on track to getting it lower. Did I mention that I had said to D that by the time he comes back I would be where I wanted to be weight wise? well I said that to him. Of course that was before he became a total prat and traded me in for someone else. But I knew that was the motivation I needed. So even though I may never see him again that date has stuck in my mind and I am working towards it. And I love how good it makes me feel. The only trouble though is that is costing me a fortune in work clothes. Especially work pants.
Did I mention I don't have cancer???? Guess what, I don't have cancer. So though what is causing all my problems? The doc there said that it could be the oestrogen in the pill making my cervix sensitive. So off the pill I go. Hence the period from hell. I see the registrar in a couple of weeks and from there it will probably be a hystereoscopy. And put in merina. Fingers crossed that will be the end of my problems.
I had better go. My chicken casserole that has been cooking all day is probably ready now.
Anyway I am just feeling lousy today. Niggly headache and just yuk. That of course is making me emotionally crap as well. I have been generally ok with the whole D thing but today it is bugging me. As it was late yesterday afternoon after a really good day.
Now I had my coloscopy Monday. What a horrible day that was. I was teary before I even went in there. All around me were people with cancer. It being a cancer clinic and all. The procedure itself was horrible and I was a mess. Good news though no cancer. Yep no cancer!!! But as normal I was just a complete mess during and after. I sat in my car afterwards just bawling my eyes out. I wanted D with me. Because he had been there for all the other things. I just felt so alone.
I went and saw Karen afterwards. It was really good to catch up with her. Got all teary there as well. Was such a foul day. That night though I got up with Keri from work. (well she now works at another store) I wasn't going to go out but she talked me into it. We went to Bracegirdles at Glenelg and just talked and talked for ages. She seems to think I have not heard the last of D but I am not holding my breath. We then went two doors up and got take away baskin and robbins. Which I ate Tuesday night. Yumo.
I have been chatting a lot to Raina. It has been great. I loved catching up with Karen and Keri but it is not the same as having a friend that you see all the time etc and talk and off load etc. I know I don't get to see Raina but being able to have chats has made me feel less alone.
The one thing that has been making me feel really really good is my weight. (apart from today when nothing I think would make me feel better.) I am the lowest I have been in a couple of years and I am on track to getting it lower. Did I mention that I had said to D that by the time he comes back I would be where I wanted to be weight wise? well I said that to him. Of course that was before he became a total prat and traded me in for someone else. But I knew that was the motivation I needed. So even though I may never see him again that date has stuck in my mind and I am working towards it. And I love how good it makes me feel. The only trouble though is that is costing me a fortune in work clothes. Especially work pants.
Did I mention I don't have cancer???? Guess what, I don't have cancer. So though what is causing all my problems? The doc there said that it could be the oestrogen in the pill making my cervix sensitive. So off the pill I go. Hence the period from hell. I see the registrar in a couple of weeks and from there it will probably be a hystereoscopy. And put in merina. Fingers crossed that will be the end of my problems.
I had better go. My chicken casserole that has been cooking all day is probably ready now.
Thursday 7 May 2009
And you think you know someone
So D goes to England on Sunday and I say bring it on. We are basically done. He has found a older, taller and sometimes I think a not so better looking person to replace me with. He told me I was getting to attached. Felt like a relationship so he pulled away......and took up with someone else! But telling her it is just friends.
Yes I am sure all you people out there are going. Oh I knew that would happen. Well frankly good on you. When you have walked in my shoes then maybe you will understand.
I was ok with us being friends but a couple of things have happened this week that have I think even cancelled that out. One being that I wanted to catch up again before he went but he kept changing the day and time and in the end I said just forget it it is to hard. He got really shitty at that. So I guess he is not fussed about being friends after all.
Yes I am hurting but I have moments of being ok. And those times will get more. I have trouble believe it isn't me. After being so rejected so many times it is hard to rally around that. I am working on it though. As a friend said, he made me cry. He isn't worth it. He was such a big part of my life, we were seeing each other all the time. And I mean all the time. Now that has gone.
I am going to survive. I always seem to. Although it is a struggle.
Raina has been a wonderful wonderful friend. We are organising our trip to the Gold Coast and I can't wait. I was worrying about going by myself. To be able to go with a good friend is just going to help keep me sane with my young kids as well as enable us to have an even better time.
I am really hoping to go visit Raina in July. Fingers crossed that I can do it. Mum and dad will be away. I will have to have my animals boarded. Which means vaccinations for them. (long story but due to studies after the initial vacs it has been found they don't actually need any more.) So I will have the costs of all that as well. I am going to try my hardest to make it happen though.
Better go. Kids have competition training for taekwondo tonight. Lachlan and I will hit the shops I think.
Yes I am sure all you people out there are going. Oh I knew that would happen. Well frankly good on you. When you have walked in my shoes then maybe you will understand.
I was ok with us being friends but a couple of things have happened this week that have I think even cancelled that out. One being that I wanted to catch up again before he went but he kept changing the day and time and in the end I said just forget it it is to hard. He got really shitty at that. So I guess he is not fussed about being friends after all.
Yes I am hurting but I have moments of being ok. And those times will get more. I have trouble believe it isn't me. After being so rejected so many times it is hard to rally around that. I am working on it though. As a friend said, he made me cry. He isn't worth it. He was such a big part of my life, we were seeing each other all the time. And I mean all the time. Now that has gone.
I am going to survive. I always seem to. Although it is a struggle.
Raina has been a wonderful wonderful friend. We are organising our trip to the Gold Coast and I can't wait. I was worrying about going by myself. To be able to go with a good friend is just going to help keep me sane with my young kids as well as enable us to have an even better time.
I am really hoping to go visit Raina in July. Fingers crossed that I can do it. Mum and dad will be away. I will have to have my animals boarded. Which means vaccinations for them. (long story but due to studies after the initial vacs it has been found they don't actually need any more.) So I will have the costs of all that as well. I am going to try my hardest to make it happen though.
Better go. Kids have competition training for taekwondo tonight. Lachlan and I will hit the shops I think.
Sunday 3 May 2009
A good weekend
So what started out as looking like a pretty crappy, sad, lonely weekend has turned into a great one.
One thing I have learnt though is to not allow much thinking time. Like lying in bed Saturday morning. But there you go lesson learnt.
Saturday night I went out with Kate from work. We went to the good life organic pizza place for dinner first. Where we shared a bottle of wine and I was on my way to tipsy!! We then trundled to the Dublin, where we met a couple of people. We asked to share their table and we just got on well from there. They were intent on finding me a man. Gosh it was funny. Erin this girl we met took me around the room unabashedly pointing out guys. Going up to guys etc. It was just funny. We left there after a couple of cocktails and went to a backpackers hostel where they knew the owner and thought it would be a good hook up for me lol. The guy was nice and it was good chatting. But then I chatted to lots of people. It was just a good night.
It was also a night to help boost my confidence. Although I did not have guys running to me, the couple we did meet were very complimentary. The guy we initially met with Erin thought Kate and I were about 27! Good for me not that good for Kate lol. Later he came up to me and said You have three kids? I said yes. He so kindly informed me that he couldn't believe it. So nice to hear stuff like that and not from someone who was hoping to get something from me. It just wasn't that sort of night. Which is probably the best thing for me!!
I stayed the night at Kate's but she had to work so I was home this morning by 9.30am. At about 10 I get a call from D saying that he was wanting to know if I wanted to go to McLaren Vale and visit wineries!! We had the best day. We started at McLaren Vale and somehow ended up in the hills. We were out all day and it was wonderful. We went to Kuipo forest and went for a walk. This is where we were supposed to go camping. (just as well though the weekend we were supposed to go it pissed down with rain) It looks fantastic. I didn't bring it up but when he comes back i will ask if he will do the camping thing with the kids and myself there. If I haven't found someone else by then lol
I just kept it really light. I didn't ask any of the questions that I wanted to about this other woman he has been seeing. I figure that he goes on Sunday and I just wanted a nice wonderful day that we would both remember. And that it was. He made mention a couple of times of us just being friends blah blah. And I basically said that to him. Yeah yeah D. I get that lol. However he also made a few off hand comments about when he comes back.
I made it clear that I am out and about and looking elsewhere. Which is true. I am just going about my life. Not putting it on hold while he is gone. I think I will go out with Kate again. It was so nice to go out and feel good. I will miss D though. I will miss days like today!! I am catching up with him during the week. either he is coming here or I will pop around after work to say goodbye. I would like him to come here and I first he was a bit hesitant but then just before he went he indicated he would perhaps after all come around. He will probably change his mind though. But that is fine. I will still see him again before he goes.
Well that is me done. I am going to bed. I am full of chocolate as we went to Melba's chocolate factory. Bad move whilst trying to lose weight but oh well lol.
One thing I have learnt though is to not allow much thinking time. Like lying in bed Saturday morning. But there you go lesson learnt.
Saturday night I went out with Kate from work. We went to the good life organic pizza place for dinner first. Where we shared a bottle of wine and I was on my way to tipsy!! We then trundled to the Dublin, where we met a couple of people. We asked to share their table and we just got on well from there. They were intent on finding me a man. Gosh it was funny. Erin this girl we met took me around the room unabashedly pointing out guys. Going up to guys etc. It was just funny. We left there after a couple of cocktails and went to a backpackers hostel where they knew the owner and thought it would be a good hook up for me lol. The guy was nice and it was good chatting. But then I chatted to lots of people. It was just a good night.
It was also a night to help boost my confidence. Although I did not have guys running to me, the couple we did meet were very complimentary. The guy we initially met with Erin thought Kate and I were about 27! Good for me not that good for Kate lol. Later he came up to me and said You have three kids? I said yes. He so kindly informed me that he couldn't believe it. So nice to hear stuff like that and not from someone who was hoping to get something from me. It just wasn't that sort of night. Which is probably the best thing for me!!
I stayed the night at Kate's but she had to work so I was home this morning by 9.30am. At about 10 I get a call from D saying that he was wanting to know if I wanted to go to McLaren Vale and visit wineries!! We had the best day. We started at McLaren Vale and somehow ended up in the hills. We were out all day and it was wonderful. We went to Kuipo forest and went for a walk. This is where we were supposed to go camping. (just as well though the weekend we were supposed to go it pissed down with rain) It looks fantastic. I didn't bring it up but when he comes back i will ask if he will do the camping thing with the kids and myself there. If I haven't found someone else by then lol
I just kept it really light. I didn't ask any of the questions that I wanted to about this other woman he has been seeing. I figure that he goes on Sunday and I just wanted a nice wonderful day that we would both remember. And that it was. He made mention a couple of times of us just being friends blah blah. And I basically said that to him. Yeah yeah D. I get that lol. However he also made a few off hand comments about when he comes back.
I made it clear that I am out and about and looking elsewhere. Which is true. I am just going about my life. Not putting it on hold while he is gone. I think I will go out with Kate again. It was so nice to go out and feel good. I will miss D though. I will miss days like today!! I am catching up with him during the week. either he is coming here or I will pop around after work to say goodbye. I would like him to come here and I first he was a bit hesitant but then just before he went he indicated he would perhaps after all come around. He will probably change his mind though. But that is fine. I will still see him again before he goes.
Well that is me done. I am going to bed. I am full of chocolate as we went to Melba's chocolate factory. Bad move whilst trying to lose weight but oh well lol.
Friday 1 May 2009
I surprise myself.....
So things are just going along. I have my ups and downs. I have seen D once a week since things ground to a holt. But spoken on the phone and msn a fair bit. He has pulled right back and I understand why. We got to complicated and he doesn't want complicated. We are catching up again next week sometime. So it will be good to spend time to together without complications. Without stress of us I guess.
Surprisingly I am not upset that much by it all. I know he is seeing T a fair bit. (she is without complications. He is not sexually attracted to her and is just easy to be around I guess) He is going away next weekend so we will see what happens when he comes back. We are certainly still friends and my gut feeling is that we are not finished yet. There is more to come. I don't know if that is true or not but oh well. In the mean time I will plod along.
I spoke to G today. I have been trying to catch up with him for ages. Turns out that he has been having a bit of an off again on again thing with an old girlfriend. (the one who he cheated on to have sex with me!!) And they have broken up for good. Then he gets a phone call.....she is pregnant!! Apparently it has happened before a couple of years ago. She terminated but has regretted and told him that she wouldn't be able to do it again. So will be interesting to see what happens with that one.
J has also been in contact. That is a weird one. But it has been good chatting again with no expectations. He missed his chance with me. And I have no interest in that aspect in that regards at all!!
I guess the biggest thing that is happening is that I have to have a coloscopy. They have looked for everything else so now it is to look at my cervix to see if there are abnormal cells or not. Which means cancer of course! I am horrible at the best of times with stuff like this but this is going to be even worse. I am scared brainless about it. But of course no one knows this. As per normal I am a strong, happy, carefree person. Which is crap. I am pretending. Even D doesn't know how scared or worried I am. Mainly because he is dealing with his mum. She has had cancer a couple of times and now she has a tumour that has to be removed. And she will have to have a bag. Maybe two bags. So I am not saying much about me. This is where I hate not having a really really good girlfriend. Just to kick back, talk, relax, perhaps go out. Would be great if Raina lived closer because I certainly think we would be like that.
I am really looking forward to going to Qld now. Raina has said that she and J would love to come, and I think that would be great. It is nice to know that I am going to have someone there with me. I seriously doubt D is going to come with me. He is so up and down about plans and it is so far away. Chances are he will be with someone by then anyway. I am not doing anything about it for now. But I am really looking forward to it now. I also thankful Raina understands the situation, even though many probably don't.
We went back taekwondo Wednesday night. I am so sore today but I loved it. I am hoping that I am going to be able to get my butt there at least once a week. I have missed it.
Lol so like my life this post is so up and down. I am now going back to my movies and m 'n' m's.
Surprisingly I am not upset that much by it all. I know he is seeing T a fair bit. (she is without complications. He is not sexually attracted to her and is just easy to be around I guess) He is going away next weekend so we will see what happens when he comes back. We are certainly still friends and my gut feeling is that we are not finished yet. There is more to come. I don't know if that is true or not but oh well. In the mean time I will plod along.
I spoke to G today. I have been trying to catch up with him for ages. Turns out that he has been having a bit of an off again on again thing with an old girlfriend. (the one who he cheated on to have sex with me!!) And they have broken up for good. Then he gets a phone call.....she is pregnant!! Apparently it has happened before a couple of years ago. She terminated but has regretted and told him that she wouldn't be able to do it again. So will be interesting to see what happens with that one.
J has also been in contact. That is a weird one. But it has been good chatting again with no expectations. He missed his chance with me. And I have no interest in that aspect in that regards at all!!
I guess the biggest thing that is happening is that I have to have a coloscopy. They have looked for everything else so now it is to look at my cervix to see if there are abnormal cells or not. Which means cancer of course! I am horrible at the best of times with stuff like this but this is going to be even worse. I am scared brainless about it. But of course no one knows this. As per normal I am a strong, happy, carefree person. Which is crap. I am pretending. Even D doesn't know how scared or worried I am. Mainly because he is dealing with his mum. She has had cancer a couple of times and now she has a tumour that has to be removed. And she will have to have a bag. Maybe two bags. So I am not saying much about me. This is where I hate not having a really really good girlfriend. Just to kick back, talk, relax, perhaps go out. Would be great if Raina lived closer because I certainly think we would be like that.
I am really looking forward to going to Qld now. Raina has said that she and J would love to come, and I think that would be great. It is nice to know that I am going to have someone there with me. I seriously doubt D is going to come with me. He is so up and down about plans and it is so far away. Chances are he will be with someone by then anyway. I am not doing anything about it for now. But I am really looking forward to it now. I also thankful Raina understands the situation, even though many probably don't.
We went back taekwondo Wednesday night. I am so sore today but I loved it. I am hoping that I am going to be able to get my butt there at least once a week. I have missed it.
Lol so like my life this post is so up and down. I am now going back to my movies and m 'n' m's.
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