I surprise myself.....

So things are just going along. I have my ups and downs. I have seen D once a week since things ground to a holt. But spoken on the phone and msn a fair bit. He has pulled right back and I understand why. We got to complicated and he doesn't want complicated. We are catching up again next week sometime. So it will be good to spend time to together without complications. Without stress of us I guess.

Surprisingly I am not upset that much by it all. I know he is seeing T a fair bit. (she is without complications. He is not sexually attracted to her and is just easy to be around I guess) He is going away next weekend so we will see what happens when he comes back. We are certainly still friends and my gut feeling is that we are not finished yet. There is more to come. I don't know if that is true or not but oh well. In the mean time I will plod along.

I spoke to G today. I have been trying to catch up with him for ages. Turns out that he has been having a bit of an off again on again thing with an old girlfriend. (the one who he cheated on to have sex with me!!) And they have broken up for good. Then he gets a phone call.....she is pregnant!! Apparently it has happened before a couple of years ago. She terminated but has regretted and told him that she wouldn't be able to do it again. So will be interesting to see what happens with that one.

J has also been in contact. That is a weird one. But it has been good chatting again with no expectations. He missed his chance with me. And I have no interest in that aspect in that regards at all!!

I guess the biggest thing that is happening is that I have to have a coloscopy. They have looked for everything else so now it is to look at my cervix to see if there are abnormal cells or not. Which means cancer of course! I am horrible at the best of times with stuff like this but this is going to be even worse. I am scared brainless about it. But of course no one knows this. As per normal I am a strong, happy, carefree person. Which is crap. I am pretending. Even D doesn't know how scared or worried I am. Mainly because he is dealing with his mum. She has had cancer a couple of times and now she has a tumour that has to be removed. And she will have to have a bag. Maybe two bags. So I am not saying much about me. This is where I hate not having a really really good girlfriend. Just to kick back, talk, relax, perhaps go out. Would be great if Raina lived closer because I certainly think we would be like that.

I am really looking forward to going to Qld now. Raina has said that she and J would love to come, and I think that would be great. It is nice to know that I am going to have someone there with me. I seriously doubt D is going to come with me. He is so up and down about plans and it is so far away. Chances are he will be with someone by then anyway. I am not doing anything about it for now. But I am really looking forward to it now. I also thankful Raina understands the situation, even though many probably don't.

We went back taekwondo Wednesday night. I am so sore today but I loved it. I am hoping that I am going to be able to get my butt there at least once a week. I have missed it.

Lol so like my life this post is so up and down. I am now going back to my movies and m 'n' m's.