I have had a niggly little headache for a few days now. I only came to the conclusion that it is a stress headache. The silly thing is I am happy. Yes there is crap in my life but I am not dwelling on it etc. But I thought back and realised that this has happened before.
So the stresses in my life. Well the kids for one. OMG they were horrible last weekend. I am surprised that A wants to still see me they were so feral. Things have changed in the house a lot since then. Only today have they been allowed to watch tv and there has been a big improvement. Patrick did lie about something yesterday. Long story but I was calm and stuck to my guns even though I nearly believed him and felt guilty. He ended up telling the truth.
The other thing is I have my surgery tomorrow. That of course is freaking me out. Add to that I am over a week late with my period. Now I have been on the pill so in reality I can't be pregnant. Well I can be but it is unlikely. But I am still a bit concerned. I have done three pregnancy tests. All negative. Now in all the times I have done pregnancy tests I have never had a negative one when I was indeed pregnant. So that is a relief. But does not solve the problem as to why I do not have my period when I am normally so on time.
And yes my insecurities are unfounded. On the weekend I really tried hard to step back and it was ok. The kids being so horrible really didn't help me though. At one point I said to him you really are not going anywhere are you regardless of my kids. He just said of course not and hugged me.
Monday night on the other hand was great. We were just together. We visited a friend in hospital. Then went and got Chinese for dinner and back to his house. We watched top gear then Flash of Genius. Good movie but I did fall asleep. But that was me not the movie. I was tired. It was just a nice night. Nothing nicer than waking up in the night to A just kissing my shoulder as he is rolling over. He said he sleeps really well when I am in his bed which is nice.
Anyway the outcome of this is that I am making a real effort to put my stupid insecurities behind me. And it is working. I just really concentrate on all the good stuff all the time.
So I am decided that this weekend I am making an effort to chill and try and destress. A said it should start tomorrow but I will freak out about the surgery first. Then I guess it can start but I still have the kids, but A will be here so perhaps that will help. We are doing nothing on the weekend other than a party at the casino on Saturday if I am up to it. Which I am sure I will be.
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