Feeling crappy

So I give up with A. I don't know if he txt me last week accidentally or what. I txt him last night to see if he wanted to go to the movies and no reply. I txt again today. Again no reply. So fine. He doesn't want me well he doesn't have me.

I am hurt, angry and upset. I hate feeling like this and do not know how I am going to trust what a guy says anymore. It will all turn to crap regardless. And yet I want to settle down with a nice man so much. I hate being alone.


My boys night was great. I did get very drunk. But didn't pass out or lose control. I did nothing that I wouldn't have done sober. Apart from maybe showing them a couple of photos of me that I had sent A. No nudity but there was cleavage. But probably wouldn't have shown them if sober.

It was a really good night though. To see these guys do sing star with disney songs was so funny. I didn't even know most of them but they did lol. They were good for my ego. Complimenting me etc. We ended up on the couch and J and I fell asleep. Which sucked for M because he had to go home lol. He got out the mattress for me to sleep on. Turned the heater on and lights out. Very sweet. The next morning I felt foul though. I ended up vomiting. Felt better after that. But that was a sign of how drunk I was. Not done that in years.

I also caught up with G Friday as well. I am seeing him Tuesday to go to the movies seeing how A isnt' going to. I feel like txting A back saying well don't worry about it I am going with someone else. But I won't.

I can't wait for Qld. To just be able to pretend that is all there is in the world. The people around me and the place I am in. I can't wait.

How is that for a quick update. I just feel foul. I feel worthless, used, and just generally crappy. So lucky this even got done really.