Weighing it up

So I don't think I have mentioned that A has been this whole time on the dating site. Mainly I guess because it worries me so much and is a massive feeding ground for my insecurities.

We have spoken about it many times. Even his friend, who is now my friend as well, has spoken to him about it.

(just as an aside, I have just taken my work shoes off. For some reason they stink. Never noticed it before. I am sitting cross legged on my bed, perhaps that is why. They are closer to my nose???)

Anywho, he knows how much I hate it. It gets brought up every so often. And he continually assures me I have nothing to worry about. He is not D and all is well.

I have hardly seen him because of him being so sick and then this week he has been very distant, with barely any contact. It all came to a head last night when long story short he got set up for the want of better words, on the dating site. He told this woman that he was looking for ....blah blah. He went on about how he is always honest etc etc.

Needless to say I am pretty upset about it. Raina was my first point of call and she helped me heaps. I then spoke to M. She was shocked. She has known A for 8 years and said this is so not him. I am at this point convinced he is going to ditch me and he is in the process of finding someone new.

He was going to meet me for lunch but cancelled on me. Of course. I got him to ring me after that txt and just played it all light and asked about Friday as I have no kids. It was all fine. He was just his normal self and we talked for a while. Making plans.

I later get a txt saying what is this about me dumping you? Seems M spoke to him. I haven't spoken to A since so who knows. But he knows I talk to M about the dating site etc so not to worry.

The question now to be asked is what do I do. The two people who I have spoken to about it that I value their advice have said it doesn't sound like him and it is not normal. And it does go against everything I know of this wonderful man. But the point is still that he is on this site and I hate it.

M told me that A has never dumped anyone. I would believe that. He also doesn't like being smothered. So I guess I will do what the girls have said. Not to stress just bring it up. I think I will just say it is a problem what can we do about it.

He is such a wonderful man and this is just not me saying it. M has known him for 8 years and she says the same. You can't fool someone for 8 years and it fits with him never dumping anyone.

My part in this I am going to settle down. I don't know what the deal is I really don't. People are agreeing it is out of the norm for him. I am going to enjoy what I have with him. Accept that he is a bloke and as a result is slack in doing txt messages etc. I am going to back off a bit. Just to give myself space I think. And to show him I don't need him.

I have found a good friend in M and I think I will go out with her a bit now. I would go out Friday but given I haven't seen A for so long I do think we need a night home. (or at his house as the case is Friday)

So yeah I have not got my happy ending yet. I have more insight into this man I am seeing. And I guess I am just viewing this as a hiccup. As Raina said he is holding onto to this for a few reasons. Time will tell. Lol how many times do I have to say that. But as normal you all will be kept informed.