Friday night A came over again. He txt me during the day asking me if he could. He did on the previso that the kids were well and truly in bed. They did show their face during the night but didn't see who it was. I lied. Bad mum and just said it was G. Anyway it was a nice night again. We watched Elizabeth Town. I love the fact he likes chick flicks. It was his movie that he brought over lol.
No moves made again and the bloody anticipation is going to kill me when I see him next. Lol. We have this bit of a joke going on at the moment about me taking him down with my taekwondo. So we had a little bit of game on that night. But as there were kids in the house and I was laughing so much we stopped. It was fun though. I haven't laughed that much in a while. So the game will be on again at some other point. Of course the good old play fight turning into a kiss. Shall we take bets as to that is what is going to happen? I am seeing him tomorrow. I will let you know lol
I had my appraisal at work Friday. I have been a little worried about it as although I know the store manager is happy with me, the service manager and I do not get along that well. But it was all great. I got exceed in lots of parts. Which from what I gather doesn't happen much. It was also said that I am the next trainee manager to come out of the store. So on the road to that I will be learning more things. Including payroll. Lol should be interesting.
Been having heaps of problems with Patrick lately. We are close to our breaking point with him. He is such a lying, horrible shit. Who has to have his nose in everything. He is rude and will not lift a finger to help. Yet expects everything to be done for him. He is constantly ripping into the other kids and is so rude and disrespectful to his teachers.
We have really started to crack down on what he is allowed to do. So things like runescape, swimming and soccer are on the cards to be taken away. It is his birthday tomorrow. 12. If he lives that long of course.
Laura had a taekwondo comp yesterday. She shocked everyone with how good she was. She beat a blue belt and a red belt. That is higher than I am. Very proud of her.
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Monday, 1 June 2009
Rest of the weekend......
So...... I had a date Saturday night. Well it was actually just a meet for a hot drink. Then that hot drink turned into dinner and then a walk and then a drive.......
He so isn't someone I would normally go for. He has facial hair. Never been out with someone who has facial hair. He is a big guy as well. Just average weight wise but a big built guy. (he has a hair chest as well. Not that I have really seen it but...... not that keen on that lol)
Anyway he is just the nicest guy, he really is. So easy to talk to, makes me laugh. He is just a big softy. He likes a lot of chick flicks as well which is good. He loves his car and is right into his sports. Football etc. So not me. lol After we had finished our hot choc and coffee and had sat for a while talking the waitress asked if we wanted menus for dinner. So we did that. The we sat talking for a while more. Then went for a walk. Freezing but nice. We went to the end of the jetty and stayed there for ages just yacking. (reminded me of D as that is where we went as well on our first date) After that we walked back to the cars. Neither one of us wanted to end it but not really knowing what to do either. lol. So in the end we went for a drive. While we were driving up the esplanade he told me about this coffee shop Spats near the city that he had heard about but never been. I had been there about 15 years ago. So off we went.
We couldn't believe how packed it was. So popular. We had to wait for a sit but not to long and the whole time we were there there was just people waiting to be seated. It was really nice.
Then we went for another drive to all the hot spots of Adelaide lol. So Rundle St, Hindley st and Glenelg, and made our way home. It was so cosy in his car though. Nice leather seats, we had great one hit wonder songs on. Seriously though if he had to go any further I would have fallen asleep. I was just so cosy lol
So as Raina would say no octopus arms. He was the perfect gentleman and it was such a great night.
Yesterday morning I got a call from Karen (it was her birthday) saying that they were having a bonfire etc and did I want to come. I was supposed to be meeting G and then going to mum and dad's for tea. So bit ticked I would miss it. So then I get a txt from G cancelling on me. I give up on him now. Sick of it. I know he has got heaps of shit to deal with. (haven't gone into it on here and won't be.) But even so. Anyway long story short I went out to Karen's.
Had the best afternoon. The bbq'ed lamb was yum. We just had it in rolls with gravy. It was their own sheep and it was delicious. I had a ride on one of the bikes. Shane took me. OMG how scary and fun all at once. He did a wheelie with me on the back and just went flat out. Then he said want to go again of course I said yes. lol Surprised they couldn't hear me at teh bottom of the hill.
Later on that night I was chatting to A on the net and I mentioned that I was going to watch The Holiday. I had only seen it the once ages ago. He said I wish I was there, I love that movie. So I invited him over. Again another great time. I got a bit happy with my southern comfort. But not to bad. He ended up staying until about 1am. Again the perfect gentleman. I got a kiss on the cheek when he arrived and a hug when he left. lol. But it is there, the build up to something lol. I am liking the build up. Normally I don't. But the flirting was there etc.
I blogged about a guy a couple of years back who just never made a move. He lived to far away and after a couple of dates I called it quits. It just wasn't happening. This is the first time in a long time I have not had a guy try something on the first date let alone the second. But it is there. I know it is and that's what makes it different from this other guy. There was no flirting with that other guy. So now I am wanting the move to be made hehehehe.
I txt him this morning but didn't get a reply and that worried me. Me being me I worry to much about the little things. I need to stop that. Anyway he finally replied tonight with a lovely txt that made me smile and had the little innuendos in it as well that relate back to the flirting etc that went on last night.
So I have a smile on my face. (apart from the kids fighting) And we will see where this one leads. I still miss D so much but it is nice to know that that is getting easier though. In a way I am not looking forward to him coming back but I still have 3 more weeks before that happens.
My weight is continuing to drop. It is amazing what happens when you do not continually stuff your face with food. Of course today has been one of those days where i have not been hungry at all because I have done nothing but EAT!!! Oh well tomorrow is another day and I know if I am sensible today won't matter. And if I am sensible all week by Friday I may just see the 70 something. Now that has not happened in many years!!
Now I am off to get the kids organised for bed so I can head to bed myself. 4 hours sleep last night is not a good thing for me.
He so isn't someone I would normally go for. He has facial hair. Never been out with someone who has facial hair. He is a big guy as well. Just average weight wise but a big built guy. (he has a hair chest as well. Not that I have really seen it but...... not that keen on that lol)
Anyway he is just the nicest guy, he really is. So easy to talk to, makes me laugh. He is just a big softy. He likes a lot of chick flicks as well which is good. He loves his car and is right into his sports. Football etc. So not me. lol After we had finished our hot choc and coffee and had sat for a while talking the waitress asked if we wanted menus for dinner. So we did that. The we sat talking for a while more. Then went for a walk. Freezing but nice. We went to the end of the jetty and stayed there for ages just yacking. (reminded me of D as that is where we went as well on our first date) After that we walked back to the cars. Neither one of us wanted to end it but not really knowing what to do either. lol. So in the end we went for a drive. While we were driving up the esplanade he told me about this coffee shop Spats near the city that he had heard about but never been. I had been there about 15 years ago. So off we went.
We couldn't believe how packed it was. So popular. We had to wait for a sit but not to long and the whole time we were there there was just people waiting to be seated. It was really nice.
Then we went for another drive to all the hot spots of Adelaide lol. So Rundle St, Hindley st and Glenelg, and made our way home. It was so cosy in his car though. Nice leather seats, we had great one hit wonder songs on. Seriously though if he had to go any further I would have fallen asleep. I was just so cosy lol
So as Raina would say no octopus arms. He was the perfect gentleman and it was such a great night.
Yesterday morning I got a call from Karen (it was her birthday) saying that they were having a bonfire etc and did I want to come. I was supposed to be meeting G and then going to mum and dad's for tea. So bit ticked I would miss it. So then I get a txt from G cancelling on me. I give up on him now. Sick of it. I know he has got heaps of shit to deal with. (haven't gone into it on here and won't be.) But even so. Anyway long story short I went out to Karen's.
Had the best afternoon. The bbq'ed lamb was yum. We just had it in rolls with gravy. It was their own sheep and it was delicious. I had a ride on one of the bikes. Shane took me. OMG how scary and fun all at once. He did a wheelie with me on the back and just went flat out. Then he said want to go again of course I said yes. lol Surprised they couldn't hear me at teh bottom of the hill.
Later on that night I was chatting to A on the net and I mentioned that I was going to watch The Holiday. I had only seen it the once ages ago. He said I wish I was there, I love that movie. So I invited him over. Again another great time. I got a bit happy with my southern comfort. But not to bad. He ended up staying until about 1am. Again the perfect gentleman. I got a kiss on the cheek when he arrived and a hug when he left. lol. But it is there, the build up to something lol. I am liking the build up. Normally I don't. But the flirting was there etc.
I blogged about a guy a couple of years back who just never made a move. He lived to far away and after a couple of dates I called it quits. It just wasn't happening. This is the first time in a long time I have not had a guy try something on the first date let alone the second. But it is there. I know it is and that's what makes it different from this other guy. There was no flirting with that other guy. So now I am wanting the move to be made hehehehe.
I txt him this morning but didn't get a reply and that worried me. Me being me I worry to much about the little things. I need to stop that. Anyway he finally replied tonight with a lovely txt that made me smile and had the little innuendos in it as well that relate back to the flirting etc that went on last night.
So I have a smile on my face. (apart from the kids fighting) And we will see where this one leads. I still miss D so much but it is nice to know that that is getting easier though. In a way I am not looking forward to him coming back but I still have 3 more weeks before that happens.
My weight is continuing to drop. It is amazing what happens when you do not continually stuff your face with food. Of course today has been one of those days where i have not been hungry at all because I have done nothing but EAT!!! Oh well tomorrow is another day and I know if I am sensible today won't matter. And if I am sensible all week by Friday I may just see the 70 something. Now that has not happened in many years!!
Now I am off to get the kids organised for bed so I can head to bed myself. 4 hours sleep last night is not a good thing for me.
Friday, 29 May 2009
Some things just do not change...
Ok so for a bit of background as I don't know how much I have mentioned. Shit for brains, has a girlfriend. A. The kids for a little while have commented that SFB has changed. They have enjoyed going around there a bit more. And things seemed better.
Lol well that was short lived. Patrick has a party to go to on Saturday. The kids are at SFB house this weekend. The party is from 3-7 and Patrick really wants to go as this I think is his girlfriend. Anyway. SFB is seeing a lot of this A girl. They go to her house all the time. The kids are bored brainless and SFB makes the kids do the dishes at this woman's house all the time after dinner etc.
So apparently there is a thing SFB wants to go to which starts at 7 which means they have to leave at 6. SFB originally suggested that I take Patrick. Which meant of course that he would have to spent the night with me. But SFB wants him back at his house at 9 the next morning. Who cares about my plans or that I may want to sleep in. Anyway after basically talking to SFB and having him be rude to me I said to Patrick I couldn't do it. He understood.
So the next thing was that Mum and dad offered to take Patrick to the party and then drop him off at Maccas at 5.30. So Patrick could still go to some of the party and SFB could still go to his thing. Patrick asked him about it but he went off basically saying no they were going straight after soccer so SFB could see A. Patrick went off back and said you always see her. You say you put us first but you don't really. SFB sprouted all the stuff back out again. How I poisoned the dog. (of course I didn't) and that why couldn't I take Patrick to the party. Blah blah. He went off at Lachlan and Laura because they stood up for me.
Anyway. SFB decided to take them down to the beach after he picked them up from OSCH. 5.00pm so he could go fishing. It is freezing here. Even colder right on the beach. I get a phone call from Patrick at about 5.20pm. (I don't know all of this yet) He has ticked off from SFB and needs me to pick him up. I go to one part of the beach but because of the dates can't drive on that one anymore. So I go up to Silver Sands which is where SFB has parked. I didn't realise he would be so close to the entrance and he sees me. I drive off still talking to Patrick on the phone. Long story short. I eventually find him. After SFB caught up to me. But I got in my car quick. (which in a way was sad as I am just waiting for a chance to hurt him lol)
So I drive to Mum and Dad's because I know SFB will go to my place. He eventually calls me and asks what is Patrick doing staying or going back to his place. So I have Patrick with me now. I am not impressed but he couldn't go back to SFB tonight. He really was scared to. He said by Sunday it won't be as fresh in SFB mind. How sad is that?
My sleep in is down the drain. Soccer is at 9.00. Have to be there by 8.30. So I guess we will leave here at about 8.00 maybe a bit before. Fantastic.
I now have a date as well Saturday. Patrick has his party at 3. Mum and dad have said they will have him overnight. So I am meeting this guy at 3.30. For coffee. If it goes well as he put it we will progress to dinner and wine. lol. We shall see. Mum and dad are taking Patrick to Macs at 9 on Sunday morning.
This all just sucks. He is such a dick. The kids are over going to A's. That is all they do. The kids just watch TV or do the dishes or clean. At her house! I did tell them that sometimes he would want to be with her and not do much. Just spend time with A. But they say it is all the time. Not like D and I who did stuff with the kids. We went out. Or if he was here they would be included for some of it. Of course there were times where we did just want and did have our time. But for the most part we did stuff with the kids. That is not happening with SFB and A.
Who knows what will happen. This is the second weekend in a row of his that I have had one of the kids. Last time it was taking Lachlan to soccer because SFB didn't want to drive so far.
I am over it. I wasn't looking forward to a boring weekend. So I guess now it isn't.
And yes he will now be called SFB because I think it is fitting.
Lol well that was short lived. Patrick has a party to go to on Saturday. The kids are at SFB house this weekend. The party is from 3-7 and Patrick really wants to go as this I think is his girlfriend. Anyway. SFB is seeing a lot of this A girl. They go to her house all the time. The kids are bored brainless and SFB makes the kids do the dishes at this woman's house all the time after dinner etc.
So apparently there is a thing SFB wants to go to which starts at 7 which means they have to leave at 6. SFB originally suggested that I take Patrick. Which meant of course that he would have to spent the night with me. But SFB wants him back at his house at 9 the next morning. Who cares about my plans or that I may want to sleep in. Anyway after basically talking to SFB and having him be rude to me I said to Patrick I couldn't do it. He understood.
So the next thing was that Mum and dad offered to take Patrick to the party and then drop him off at Maccas at 5.30. So Patrick could still go to some of the party and SFB could still go to his thing. Patrick asked him about it but he went off basically saying no they were going straight after soccer so SFB could see A. Patrick went off back and said you always see her. You say you put us first but you don't really. SFB sprouted all the stuff back out again. How I poisoned the dog. (of course I didn't) and that why couldn't I take Patrick to the party. Blah blah. He went off at Lachlan and Laura because they stood up for me.
Anyway. SFB decided to take them down to the beach after he picked them up from OSCH. 5.00pm so he could go fishing. It is freezing here. Even colder right on the beach. I get a phone call from Patrick at about 5.20pm. (I don't know all of this yet) He has ticked off from SFB and needs me to pick him up. I go to one part of the beach but because of the dates can't drive on that one anymore. So I go up to Silver Sands which is where SFB has parked. I didn't realise he would be so close to the entrance and he sees me. I drive off still talking to Patrick on the phone. Long story short. I eventually find him. After SFB caught up to me. But I got in my car quick. (which in a way was sad as I am just waiting for a chance to hurt him lol)
So I drive to Mum and Dad's because I know SFB will go to my place. He eventually calls me and asks what is Patrick doing staying or going back to his place. So I have Patrick with me now. I am not impressed but he couldn't go back to SFB tonight. He really was scared to. He said by Sunday it won't be as fresh in SFB mind. How sad is that?
My sleep in is down the drain. Soccer is at 9.00. Have to be there by 8.30. So I guess we will leave here at about 8.00 maybe a bit before. Fantastic.
I now have a date as well Saturday. Patrick has his party at 3. Mum and dad have said they will have him overnight. So I am meeting this guy at 3.30. For coffee. If it goes well as he put it we will progress to dinner and wine. lol. We shall see. Mum and dad are taking Patrick to Macs at 9 on Sunday morning.
This all just sucks. He is such a dick. The kids are over going to A's. That is all they do. The kids just watch TV or do the dishes or clean. At her house! I did tell them that sometimes he would want to be with her and not do much. Just spend time with A. But they say it is all the time. Not like D and I who did stuff with the kids. We went out. Or if he was here they would be included for some of it. Of course there were times where we did just want and did have our time. But for the most part we did stuff with the kids. That is not happening with SFB and A.
Who knows what will happen. This is the second weekend in a row of his that I have had one of the kids. Last time it was taking Lachlan to soccer because SFB didn't want to drive so far.
I am over it. I wasn't looking forward to a boring weekend. So I guess now it isn't.
And yes he will now be called SFB because I think it is fitting.
Saturday, 23 May 2009
It is going down.......
I am hitting the 71's. I am a tad pleased about that!!!
Soccer today. Just taken Lachlan over to the school. They may actually win. They had scored 2 goals in the first half. I have come home now to kick the other two up the bum as Patrick has soccer over at McClaren Flat. It is a cup match so hopefully they will do well.
Later on I am taking the younger two to see Night at the Museum. Patrick isn't going because of his behaviour this week. I hope this works as I feel really guilty. But I have always said if this continues this won't happen etc etc but with the big stuff never done it. So now it is getting serious.
I was chatting to two guys last night and will probably be seeing both Monday. I have a date with one Monday night. S. And A says he is coming into work Monday morning. They are both very different guys and I am nervous as all get out as normal. S is a nice guy who is clean cut and a tad on the reserved side from what I can gather. A is a bit more out there but really nice. Bit of a dag. Bit rougher for the want of better words.
D has been in contact. Albeit just to forward funny emails to me. But least it means he is actually still talking to me. Who knows what will happen when he comes back. I miss him so much it hurts. So it is nice to know that we can still be friends. I guess that is why I am a worrying about these guys as well. I want something so bad I really want to meet someone and have what I had with D. Now I know it can happen. I fall so easily as well which just opens me up for heartache.
I thank Raina though. We have been talking so much and I know that if she wasn't around I would be feeling lonely and depressed all the time. It really is amazing what a good friend who is there for you can do. My life is so different from a year ago. Even with missing D and feeling that hurt. I am not back to where I was before I met him. I am thankful for that.
Qld is booked. I can't wait. Really really can't wait. It just seems so far away.
Soccer today. Just taken Lachlan over to the school. They may actually win. They had scored 2 goals in the first half. I have come home now to kick the other two up the bum as Patrick has soccer over at McClaren Flat. It is a cup match so hopefully they will do well.
Later on I am taking the younger two to see Night at the Museum. Patrick isn't going because of his behaviour this week. I hope this works as I feel really guilty. But I have always said if this continues this won't happen etc etc but with the big stuff never done it. So now it is getting serious.
I was chatting to two guys last night and will probably be seeing both Monday. I have a date with one Monday night. S. And A says he is coming into work Monday morning. They are both very different guys and I am nervous as all get out as normal. S is a nice guy who is clean cut and a tad on the reserved side from what I can gather. A is a bit more out there but really nice. Bit of a dag. Bit rougher for the want of better words.
D has been in contact. Albeit just to forward funny emails to me. But least it means he is actually still talking to me. Who knows what will happen when he comes back. I miss him so much it hurts. So it is nice to know that we can still be friends. I guess that is why I am a worrying about these guys as well. I want something so bad I really want to meet someone and have what I had with D. Now I know it can happen. I fall so easily as well which just opens me up for heartache.
I thank Raina though. We have been talking so much and I know that if she wasn't around I would be feeling lonely and depressed all the time. It really is amazing what a good friend who is there for you can do. My life is so different from a year ago. Even with missing D and feeling that hurt. I am not back to where I was before I met him. I am thankful for that.
Qld is booked. I can't wait. Really really can't wait. It just seems so far away.
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Bright as a beet
Not much is happening really yet again. Boooorrring! lol
Last night at taekwondo I had another allergy thing going on. I got itchy hands and then my ears and my lips went all tingly. I took a tablet when I knew for sure it was happening. But it didn't really help. My nose blocked up, which has never happened before. I popped another tablet as we were leaving. I can't take two straight up or I would be asleep in five seconds. So by the time we got home I was out of it. I crawled straight into bed. It had traveled down to just below my knees by the time I did that and I was bright red. The worse thing is that when I woke up this morning I struggled and my eyes were still red and sore. It took until lunch time to start feeling better but even now I am struggling a bit with it. If it happens again I am going to have to go to the hospital as it does seem to be getting worse.
Mum is wondering if it is all stress related. I had to come home early yesterday to pick up Patrick because his behaviour warranted it. What with the cancer thing and everything that has been going on the last couple of weeks, it is hard to hold it all together.
Not much else is happening really. I had a training thing that I had to go with the store manager to. That was interesting. Well the drive in and back was. Lol. He told me that I am doing a great job etc etc which really made me feel good. He also told me that he wants me to learn payroll. (A job the service manager does) So that is a bit exciting.
The Qld thing is all happening. Must book the accommodation. (Will speak to you Raina about actually doing this lol) It was a toss up between two houses. Raina is really keen on a lovely split level place in Burleigh Heads. I like it as well. But the more I think about it the more I can't wait to sit by the pool watching the sea, passed all the night lights and just talk!!!! I am so looking forward to this. October seems so far away though.
That is it. I had better get dinner out of the oven so the kids have time to eat before taekwondo.
Last night at taekwondo I had another allergy thing going on. I got itchy hands and then my ears and my lips went all tingly. I took a tablet when I knew for sure it was happening. But it didn't really help. My nose blocked up, which has never happened before. I popped another tablet as we were leaving. I can't take two straight up or I would be asleep in five seconds. So by the time we got home I was out of it. I crawled straight into bed. It had traveled down to just below my knees by the time I did that and I was bright red. The worse thing is that when I woke up this morning I struggled and my eyes were still red and sore. It took until lunch time to start feeling better but even now I am struggling a bit with it. If it happens again I am going to have to go to the hospital as it does seem to be getting worse.
Mum is wondering if it is all stress related. I had to come home early yesterday to pick up Patrick because his behaviour warranted it. What with the cancer thing and everything that has been going on the last couple of weeks, it is hard to hold it all together.
Not much else is happening really. I had a training thing that I had to go with the store manager to. That was interesting. Well the drive in and back was. Lol. He told me that I am doing a great job etc etc which really made me feel good. He also told me that he wants me to learn payroll. (A job the service manager does) So that is a bit exciting.
The Qld thing is all happening. Must book the accommodation. (Will speak to you Raina about actually doing this lol) It was a toss up between two houses. Raina is really keen on a lovely split level place in Burleigh Heads. I like it as well. But the more I think about it the more I can't wait to sit by the pool watching the sea, passed all the night lights and just talk!!!! I am so looking forward to this. October seems so far away though.
That is it. I had better get dinner out of the oven so the kids have time to eat before taekwondo.
Thursday, 14 May 2009
and the results are in
So I am all over the place at the moment. Which I put down to having my period. Now this is way to much info but my blog so I will talk about it. This is the period that I didn't have to have but apparently need to have. I hate having my period and yes I guess most people do but mine are so heavy and horrible that it cuts a week out of my life. I don't get craps usually but just the heaviness of it is enough to kill me. I hate going to work. I can't go to taekwondo. (think white uniform)
Anyway I am just feeling lousy today. Niggly headache and just yuk. That of course is making me emotionally crap as well. I have been generally ok with the whole D thing but today it is bugging me. As it was late yesterday afternoon after a really good day.
Now I had my coloscopy Monday. What a horrible day that was. I was teary before I even went in there. All around me were people with cancer. It being a cancer clinic and all. The procedure itself was horrible and I was a mess. Good news though no cancer. Yep no cancer!!! But as normal I was just a complete mess during and after. I sat in my car afterwards just bawling my eyes out. I wanted D with me. Because he had been there for all the other things. I just felt so alone.
I went and saw Karen afterwards. It was really good to catch up with her. Got all teary there as well. Was such a foul day. That night though I got up with Keri from work. (well she now works at another store) I wasn't going to go out but she talked me into it. We went to Bracegirdles at Glenelg and just talked and talked for ages. She seems to think I have not heard the last of D but I am not holding my breath. We then went two doors up and got take away baskin and robbins. Which I ate Tuesday night. Yumo.
I have been chatting a lot to Raina. It has been great. I loved catching up with Karen and Keri but it is not the same as having a friend that you see all the time etc and talk and off load etc. I know I don't get to see Raina but being able to have chats has made me feel less alone.
The one thing that has been making me feel really really good is my weight. (apart from today when nothing I think would make me feel better.) I am the lowest I have been in a couple of years and I am on track to getting it lower. Did I mention that I had said to D that by the time he comes back I would be where I wanted to be weight wise? well I said that to him. Of course that was before he became a total prat and traded me in for someone else. But I knew that was the motivation I needed. So even though I may never see him again that date has stuck in my mind and I am working towards it. And I love how good it makes me feel. The only trouble though is that is costing me a fortune in work clothes. Especially work pants.
Did I mention I don't have cancer???? Guess what, I don't have cancer. So though what is causing all my problems? The doc there said that it could be the oestrogen in the pill making my cervix sensitive. So off the pill I go. Hence the period from hell. I see the registrar in a couple of weeks and from there it will probably be a hystereoscopy. And put in merina. Fingers crossed that will be the end of my problems.
I had better go. My chicken casserole that has been cooking all day is probably ready now.
Anyway I am just feeling lousy today. Niggly headache and just yuk. That of course is making me emotionally crap as well. I have been generally ok with the whole D thing but today it is bugging me. As it was late yesterday afternoon after a really good day.
Now I had my coloscopy Monday. What a horrible day that was. I was teary before I even went in there. All around me were people with cancer. It being a cancer clinic and all. The procedure itself was horrible and I was a mess. Good news though no cancer. Yep no cancer!!! But as normal I was just a complete mess during and after. I sat in my car afterwards just bawling my eyes out. I wanted D with me. Because he had been there for all the other things. I just felt so alone.
I went and saw Karen afterwards. It was really good to catch up with her. Got all teary there as well. Was such a foul day. That night though I got up with Keri from work. (well she now works at another store) I wasn't going to go out but she talked me into it. We went to Bracegirdles at Glenelg and just talked and talked for ages. She seems to think I have not heard the last of D but I am not holding my breath. We then went two doors up and got take away baskin and robbins. Which I ate Tuesday night. Yumo.
I have been chatting a lot to Raina. It has been great. I loved catching up with Karen and Keri but it is not the same as having a friend that you see all the time etc and talk and off load etc. I know I don't get to see Raina but being able to have chats has made me feel less alone.
The one thing that has been making me feel really really good is my weight. (apart from today when nothing I think would make me feel better.) I am the lowest I have been in a couple of years and I am on track to getting it lower. Did I mention that I had said to D that by the time he comes back I would be where I wanted to be weight wise? well I said that to him. Of course that was before he became a total prat and traded me in for someone else. But I knew that was the motivation I needed. So even though I may never see him again that date has stuck in my mind and I am working towards it. And I love how good it makes me feel. The only trouble though is that is costing me a fortune in work clothes. Especially work pants.
Did I mention I don't have cancer???? Guess what, I don't have cancer. So though what is causing all my problems? The doc there said that it could be the oestrogen in the pill making my cervix sensitive. So off the pill I go. Hence the period from hell. I see the registrar in a couple of weeks and from there it will probably be a hystereoscopy. And put in merina. Fingers crossed that will be the end of my problems.
I had better go. My chicken casserole that has been cooking all day is probably ready now.
Thursday, 7 May 2009
And you think you know someone
So D goes to England on Sunday and I say bring it on. We are basically done. He has found a older, taller and sometimes I think a not so better looking person to replace me with. He told me I was getting to attached. Felt like a relationship so he pulled away......and took up with someone else! But telling her it is just friends.
Yes I am sure all you people out there are going. Oh I knew that would happen. Well frankly good on you. When you have walked in my shoes then maybe you will understand.
I was ok with us being friends but a couple of things have happened this week that have I think even cancelled that out. One being that I wanted to catch up again before he went but he kept changing the day and time and in the end I said just forget it it is to hard. He got really shitty at that. So I guess he is not fussed about being friends after all.
Yes I am hurting but I have moments of being ok. And those times will get more. I have trouble believe it isn't me. After being so rejected so many times it is hard to rally around that. I am working on it though. As a friend said, he made me cry. He isn't worth it. He was such a big part of my life, we were seeing each other all the time. And I mean all the time. Now that has gone.
I am going to survive. I always seem to. Although it is a struggle.
Raina has been a wonderful wonderful friend. We are organising our trip to the Gold Coast and I can't wait. I was worrying about going by myself. To be able to go with a good friend is just going to help keep me sane with my young kids as well as enable us to have an even better time.
I am really hoping to go visit Raina in July. Fingers crossed that I can do it. Mum and dad will be away. I will have to have my animals boarded. Which means vaccinations for them. (long story but due to studies after the initial vacs it has been found they don't actually need any more.) So I will have the costs of all that as well. I am going to try my hardest to make it happen though.
Better go. Kids have competition training for taekwondo tonight. Lachlan and I will hit the shops I think.
Yes I am sure all you people out there are going. Oh I knew that would happen. Well frankly good on you. When you have walked in my shoes then maybe you will understand.
I was ok with us being friends but a couple of things have happened this week that have I think even cancelled that out. One being that I wanted to catch up again before he went but he kept changing the day and time and in the end I said just forget it it is to hard. He got really shitty at that. So I guess he is not fussed about being friends after all.
Yes I am hurting but I have moments of being ok. And those times will get more. I have trouble believe it isn't me. After being so rejected so many times it is hard to rally around that. I am working on it though. As a friend said, he made me cry. He isn't worth it. He was such a big part of my life, we were seeing each other all the time. And I mean all the time. Now that has gone.
I am going to survive. I always seem to. Although it is a struggle.
Raina has been a wonderful wonderful friend. We are organising our trip to the Gold Coast and I can't wait. I was worrying about going by myself. To be able to go with a good friend is just going to help keep me sane with my young kids as well as enable us to have an even better time.
I am really hoping to go visit Raina in July. Fingers crossed that I can do it. Mum and dad will be away. I will have to have my animals boarded. Which means vaccinations for them. (long story but due to studies after the initial vacs it has been found they don't actually need any more.) So I will have the costs of all that as well. I am going to try my hardest to make it happen though.
Better go. Kids have competition training for taekwondo tonight. Lachlan and I will hit the shops I think.
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