Really nothing happening here. The last few days have seen me do a mountain of co-op stuff. It has been all complicated with trying to work stuff out within the rules, regulations and acts but I have finally finished.
Today I had over the rent stuff to the new rent coordinator. I am now the maintenance coordinator. Supposedly a low work job in case I do get into the cops.
Yesterday I went to the gym and spent some time on the bike. Worked up a nice sweat. Yuk. The got on the treadmill when Karen arrived for another 10 minutes there. We then did body balance. I enjoyed this one better than last week. I am surprised at how flexible I am. I can do all the "advanced" moves so that is certainly a confidence booster. Ok so I maybe over weight but I am fairly fit, strong and flexible!! Lol what guy would complain about that hehehe.
This morning I was up at sparrows fart and drove down to Seacliff to see if I could find these stairs G was telling me about so I could run up and down them. Surprisingly I love stuff like that. Weird I know. Couldn't find them but went for a walk along the beach for an hour instead. Heaps of people out. Public holiday and all I guess.
My eating I think is a bit better. Mind you have have no money and the last few days I have been scrounging around in the freezer trying to find stuff to eat. Thankfully I get paid tomorrow so I can buy some stuff.
It really is the night that is the killer. I need to really work on that. However overall I feel better so I must be doing ok. I think I am heading back into the zone. Big kisses to you G, although I hated him pointing it out to me it is what I needed obviously.
Off to read some of my book now. One of those books where you just don't know if you really want to read it but then you get more than half way through it and think well I have to finish it now so I can find out what happens!! It is taking me forever to read which is a big sign I am struggling with it. It is ok, not bad but not great either. Blood of Angels. Michael Marshall, for those who are interested. A thriller which is usually my book of choice.
Monday, 1 October 2007
Friday, 28 September 2007
weighting game
So yesterday G kindly pointed out during my PT session that I had put on weight! Yes I know but I really didn't need him to point it out to me. Ok well perhaps I did. We had a conversation about it over the time I was there. It was done in dribs and drabs. I think he was trying to be nice when he actually wanted to grab me and shake some sense into me.
He pointed out to me all the reasons I wanted to lose weight, ie the cops. He asked me why have I put on weight. Food. He then lectured me about sensible eating and how it isn't about will power. Which I know it isn't. About how I will always have stress in my life. Yes I may like the food but I am going to have to stop eating like I am. If there is something i want to achieve then I should set my mind to it and achieve it. Why is it easier for some people to do that and not others? So my plan this week is to have a week of sensible eating. It did really shake me up.
Dropped the kids at school. Matt picks them up after school and has them for a week. Can't say that the kids were overly excited. I feel sorry for them. They should enjoy the time with their dad but they don't.
So needless to say yet again I am not feeling the best. A week of not spending time with people is sucky. Yes mum and dad are here but they are my parents and they like everyone else have a life. So although I will spend some time with them, ultimately another lonely week is coming up and I am not looking forward to it.
He pointed out to me all the reasons I wanted to lose weight, ie the cops. He asked me why have I put on weight. Food. He then lectured me about sensible eating and how it isn't about will power. Which I know it isn't. About how I will always have stress in my life. Yes I may like the food but I am going to have to stop eating like I am. If there is something i want to achieve then I should set my mind to it and achieve it. Why is it easier for some people to do that and not others? So my plan this week is to have a week of sensible eating. It did really shake me up.
Dropped the kids at school. Matt picks them up after school and has them for a week. Can't say that the kids were overly excited. I feel sorry for them. They should enjoy the time with their dad but they don't.
So needless to say yet again I am not feeling the best. A week of not spending time with people is sucky. Yes mum and dad are here but they are my parents and they like everyone else have a life. So although I will spend some time with them, ultimately another lonely week is coming up and I am not looking forward to it.
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
The good, the bad and the just plain annoying
Omg what a week. Monday started off with the RTT. The woman in the house spun a big sob story and the RTT fell for it. Under the Act they can extend the lease for 90 days if the tenant can show hardship. So she has until 11.59pm 23/12/07. The was my worst case so not to surprised. Pays to read the act that is for sure. Least I had the heads up on it. Her 19 is apparently pregnant. As we came out she went off at us saying it will be our fault if she miscarries! Sure love what ever you say. The drugs you take will have nothing to do with it.
So then after the RTT it was off for the pscyh test with police recruiting. That was fairly easy. 2 tests. One just consisting of 20 questions along the lines of I often think of ways to kill myself, I never drink drive, I use illegal drugs. False, somewhat true, true, etc etc.The next one was full of questions aimed at deciding if you are a loner, work well with others blah blah. If I was looking at mine I would say I was practical, follow the rules and very moral, love being around people and don't bottle up my emotions!! Lets hope that is clearly seen in the test.
Then Tuesday I got to do a house inspection. Now this house i have inspected before. The couple have 6 kids. Their house is trashed. I not saying that is because they have 6 kids. (that would mean to me that it would be easier to keep clean as the 17 year olds etc could help) So we went back yesterday to check they had cleaned up. There are other issues here but long story. Because of their house etc we are terminating their membership within the co-op as well. Anywho.... they wouldn't let us in and there was a big to do in the drive way. She had her dad there who totally went off at me. IT was on for young and old. Proud to say that I was just calm and tried to sort it out. But like the woman in my house they refuse to see certain facts and nothing you say will make them change their view point.
To make matters worse it turns out that the process that was done to terminate their membership was not done correctly. Great just great so guess who now has to tidy it all up and fix it?? yep me. Oh well it is all good stuff to use in the police interview if I get that far.
Later that day I got a call from police recruiting. I am to come in next week for a interview with the psych. Apparently this is normal for people who get asked to do the psych test first. I guess it all related to the Matt crap and the violence. Time will tell I guess. It is next week.
Tonight we had grading for taekwondo. Oh boy was I nervous this time and I don't even know why. No different from the other two gradings. The guy grading me was very impressed so that was good. Next step blue belt. I really want to get that this term as after that I will probably have to slow down a bit if I get into the police. So get while the going is good basically. Laura and Patrick both passed as well. Mum and dad came and poor Lachlan fell asleep. Mind you it was the quietest he has ever been there!!!
Ahhh lets see what the rest of the week holds.
So then after the RTT it was off for the pscyh test with police recruiting. That was fairly easy. 2 tests. One just consisting of 20 questions along the lines of I often think of ways to kill myself, I never drink drive, I use illegal drugs. False, somewhat true, true, etc etc.The next one was full of questions aimed at deciding if you are a loner, work well with others blah blah. If I was looking at mine I would say I was practical, follow the rules and very moral, love being around people and don't bottle up my emotions!! Lets hope that is clearly seen in the test.
Then Tuesday I got to do a house inspection. Now this house i have inspected before. The couple have 6 kids. Their house is trashed. I not saying that is because they have 6 kids. (that would mean to me that it would be easier to keep clean as the 17 year olds etc could help) So we went back yesterday to check they had cleaned up. There are other issues here but long story. Because of their house etc we are terminating their membership within the co-op as well. Anywho.... they wouldn't let us in and there was a big to do in the drive way. She had her dad there who totally went off at me. IT was on for young and old. Proud to say that I was just calm and tried to sort it out. But like the woman in my house they refuse to see certain facts and nothing you say will make them change their view point.
To make matters worse it turns out that the process that was done to terminate their membership was not done correctly. Great just great so guess who now has to tidy it all up and fix it?? yep me. Oh well it is all good stuff to use in the police interview if I get that far.
Later that day I got a call from police recruiting. I am to come in next week for a interview with the psych. Apparently this is normal for people who get asked to do the psych test first. I guess it all related to the Matt crap and the violence. Time will tell I guess. It is next week.
Tonight we had grading for taekwondo. Oh boy was I nervous this time and I don't even know why. No different from the other two gradings. The guy grading me was very impressed so that was good. Next step blue belt. I really want to get that this term as after that I will probably have to slow down a bit if I get into the police. So get while the going is good basically. Laura and Patrick both passed as well. Mum and dad came and poor Lachlan fell asleep. Mind you it was the quietest he has ever been there!!!
Ahhh lets see what the rest of the week holds.
Saturday, 22 September 2007
are we all just in the same boat?
I was talking to someone last night and much of what she said seem to apply to me as well. Are all women looking for the romance and idyllic life of a princess? Thing is though that is not reality is it? Right now I would settle for a cuddle on the couch while we watch a DVD together. I am sure I could have had that with M. Does that mean I don't know what I want? Does that mean my expectations ultimately are to high?
In all reality I don't think I am that much different from anyone else. When I was with shit for brains I honestly didn't know any better. In a way I guess I did but not really. We got together young. I have never experienced what it is like to be with someone who truly loves you. I know there are couples out there and they have found that they are exact matches. They are not settling for each other. They are complete with each other. So that goes to show that it does happen. But does it or can it happen for everyone? Why do some of us get picked and others don't get picked for that life? Do we singletons get to a point where we go well I am getting up in years I am just going to have to settle now? Or do you hang out for the hope of prince charming.
Yeah I know Prince Charming..... but i am sure that these couples who have "that" relationship think of each other like that. Look don't get me wrong I know if I was in a "perfect" relationship it wouldn't be perfect. There will always be differences. But those differences that turn into arguments are normal. And afterwards after the fight has finished and differences resolved the respect is still there, the love is still there because when all said and done it was just an argument about why the hell can't he put the clothes in the washing basket instead of the floor.
Over the last few months I had hope. (last couple of years actually) Hope that men could offer a girl that. The happy ever after. That one man had all the answers, that he could make me feel loved, that we could talk about anything, that we could fight but still be ok and generally just be there for each other. To hold me and tell me that yeah sometimes life is hard but I am there for you and will always be there for you. So that I could enjoy my alone time because I knew that this wonderful man would always be there. My best friend.
Then the hope is gone. I find out that words are not always what they seem. That despite assurances the words are true, the actions are not there to confirm. The arms aren't there to hold me, there is no spending time together, no just mucking around and being friends. The hope has turned into a dream and dreams as you all know rarely come true.
I have an immense sadness lately. Not depressed but just sadness. I don't know how to deal with that.
I have been told that I have to love myself for others to love me. But I think that is crap. I can love myself to death. I can enjoy my own company, I can think I am the most attractive person in the world. Well that is all well and good but who gives a shit if people don't agree. And please don't say it doesn't matter what they think. Because it does matter. Of course it matters. I am a people person but for some reason I don't seem to have that many people in my life. Especially that ever elusive gentleman who loves me to bits and wants to spend eternity with me.
I don't think it is wrong to have hopes and dreams. What else is there if we don't have those. But how easily those are abused. How easily someone without thought other than to their own gain can just take that hope away.
Matt once said to me that I was the most trusting, see the good in everyone, happy go lucky person that he ever knew. Guess what were the first things to fade to the background. And just went they start to come to the front again someone else pushes them to the back again.
My life seems to be one big game of catch up. I will keep trying. I haven't given up yet I am not about to start now, but sometimes it just wears you down to the point it is hard to get the momentum going again. I guess that is where I am now.
God I wish I could do taekwondo every day. The one thing at the moment that I really enjoy. Yes I enjoy my kids but taekwondo doesn't answer me back!!Yes that came out of left field but I am always cheered when I do taekwondo.
In all reality I don't think I am that much different from anyone else. When I was with shit for brains I honestly didn't know any better. In a way I guess I did but not really. We got together young. I have never experienced what it is like to be with someone who truly loves you. I know there are couples out there and they have found that they are exact matches. They are not settling for each other. They are complete with each other. So that goes to show that it does happen. But does it or can it happen for everyone? Why do some of us get picked and others don't get picked for that life? Do we singletons get to a point where we go well I am getting up in years I am just going to have to settle now? Or do you hang out for the hope of prince charming.
Yeah I know Prince Charming..... but i am sure that these couples who have "that" relationship think of each other like that. Look don't get me wrong I know if I was in a "perfect" relationship it wouldn't be perfect. There will always be differences. But those differences that turn into arguments are normal. And afterwards after the fight has finished and differences resolved the respect is still there, the love is still there because when all said and done it was just an argument about why the hell can't he put the clothes in the washing basket instead of the floor.
Over the last few months I had hope. (last couple of years actually) Hope that men could offer a girl that. The happy ever after. That one man had all the answers, that he could make me feel loved, that we could talk about anything, that we could fight but still be ok and generally just be there for each other. To hold me and tell me that yeah sometimes life is hard but I am there for you and will always be there for you. So that I could enjoy my alone time because I knew that this wonderful man would always be there. My best friend.
Then the hope is gone. I find out that words are not always what they seem. That despite assurances the words are true, the actions are not there to confirm. The arms aren't there to hold me, there is no spending time together, no just mucking around and being friends. The hope has turned into a dream and dreams as you all know rarely come true.
I have an immense sadness lately. Not depressed but just sadness. I don't know how to deal with that.
I have been told that I have to love myself for others to love me. But I think that is crap. I can love myself to death. I can enjoy my own company, I can think I am the most attractive person in the world. Well that is all well and good but who gives a shit if people don't agree. And please don't say it doesn't matter what they think. Because it does matter. Of course it matters. I am a people person but for some reason I don't seem to have that many people in my life. Especially that ever elusive gentleman who loves me to bits and wants to spend eternity with me.
I don't think it is wrong to have hopes and dreams. What else is there if we don't have those. But how easily those are abused. How easily someone without thought other than to their own gain can just take that hope away.
Matt once said to me that I was the most trusting, see the good in everyone, happy go lucky person that he ever knew. Guess what were the first things to fade to the background. And just went they start to come to the front again someone else pushes them to the back again.
My life seems to be one big game of catch up. I will keep trying. I haven't given up yet I am not about to start now, but sometimes it just wears you down to the point it is hard to get the momentum going again. I guess that is where I am now.
God I wish I could do taekwondo every day. The one thing at the moment that I really enjoy. Yes I enjoy my kids but taekwondo doesn't answer me back!!Yes that came out of left field but I am always cheered when I do taekwondo.
Thursday, 20 September 2007
Bit of a bright spot
Whenever we get home from somewhere the kids all pile out of the car and fight over who is going to be first through the door after I unlock it. I hate it. They push and shove and drive me insane with it.
I was a bit slower coming to the door this time and as I was walking towards the door and the kids, watching them push and shove and fight, I loudly said omg watch out for that spider! Lol I then walked straight to the door laughing as the kids scattered across the front lawn and away from the door. Guess it will be a while before i can use that one again!!
I was a bit slower coming to the door this time and as I was walking towards the door and the kids, watching them push and shove and fight, I loudly said omg watch out for that spider! Lol I then walked straight to the door laughing as the kids scattered across the front lawn and away from the door. Guess it will be a while before i can use that one again!!
whoa she's gonna big a big one
Thank you girls for your comments! You know the wwoz girls are always there for each other. God how we would all benefit if we did live closer together. The love, support and encouragement would be more than it is now and right now it is pretty damn big.
Today I have had the morning from hell with Lachlan. Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. Every time I say no to him he loses it and just gets worse and worse the more he doesn't get what he wants. This morning I established after talking to the other kids that Matt gives into him when Lachlan gets worse. Having said that of course I got them back from their dad yesterday. Lachlan played up at taekwondo and I put a punishment in place and it just spiraled from there and continued until he went to school. He is supposed to have swimming lessons tonight and I have asked mum and dad to pick him up from the pool so he can't swim. I know that if he stays with me while the other two have their lessons he will go off his nut and I just don't have the strength to deal with it, especially in public. This morning he was throwing things, calling me names, kicking the seat in the car and screaming. All because I told him no he wasn't watching tv or playing the PS2.
Patrick was ok at Matt's. Apparently Matt was very grumpy and barely said two words to Patrick. Which Patrick was very happy with. Patrick also saw the counsellor or whatever she is. He told her what happened the other weekend and she said she would act on it. Matt went into the room after Patrick and he heard him laugh. He said it was his fake laugh. Poor Patrick, I can just picture Matt. This woman would have said something about the violence and Matt would have just laughed that stupid fake laugh of his and told her Patrick was lying.
It is such an uphill battle. I am trying to teach the kids there is a way to behave that is right and Matt is teaching them the opposite by his behaviour. I feel like I am taking one step forward and twenty back.
Saw G on Tuesday. I told him about M. He was quite pleased actually that I made that decision. He knows me well enough to know how much I crave someone to just want me and love me. So for me to turn it down and not settle surprised him I think. But he told me he was glad I did it if I wasn't happy so that was nice.
Heard from the police yesterday. I am going in for a psych assessment in a couple of weeks. After the initial freak out I am fine with it now. Of course on the day I will be bad but until then no biggy. It is just the start of a long process. I know that there it can go both ways. I just hope it goes the way I want it too.
Se generally? I feel like crap, still can't get my head around anything. SO far behind on my study and want to drop the subject but I can't. I need to lose weight and am struggling with that as well. You would think that the police would be motivation enough but it isn't.
J is still in my life. At a very long arm's distance. I don't want to get hurt but I can't let go either. I don't understand why he wants to keep himself in my life but I guess he still does. I am on RSVP but well that is so full of men throwing themselves at me....not. Last night a guy started chatting to me. Now that would have cost him. He asked for the password for my photo. I gave it to him. Then nothing. When I am trying to recover from many forms of rejection, crap like that is not good.
Have I said about my house? We go to the RTT on Monday. She has put in an application saying basically don't throw us out on the street. Honestly this woman has no clue. She is a law student as well. She is also about 10 years older than I am but really I feel like I am the older one. For someone who is studying law she really should have a better idea. I mean you don't send a letter to the co-op but addressed to me, saying we are breaching provisions in the Act if you can't actually back that up!! We were not breaching the Act. I wouldn't have instigated all this if I thought we were doing something illegal!! It is a joke really. Her lease expired on the 2nd Sept, she is still there. Here is an example of her fine legal skills and her grasp on the English language. (Ok I am not the best either but this is a legal document)
Order or determination sought from RTT:
"not let them send us out on the street. Reinstate our tenancy as we have nowhere to go we will be homeless, have looked but no luck"
Then:
Grounds of application:
"when we first moved into the premises we were under the impression we could stay as long as we wanted now we have nowhere to go."
I can only hope the person making the decisions doesn't go for it and she is booted. My view of all things legal has been tainted a bit of late.
I should point out that the reason why this woman is getting the boot is because she was a tenant in a housing co-op, working towards membership. Rent in a co-op is determined by your income. You have to declare your income and then your rent is decided upon that income.(usually about 25% of your income). She failed to declare all income and as such got a cheaper rent. She was given a probation period but blew that as well and to my knowledge is still not declaring all the income. This has been going on since May!
Grading for taekwondo is next week. I am looking forward to it but not looking forward to it. I get nervous and stuff up. It is hard to remember everything. I am still blown away by how much I enjoy it. I would do it every day if I could. Really hoping that I can get my blue belt by the end of the year. Not sure though as it is a big jump in what you have to know from yellow to blue. But I will give it a good go. Practicing at home as certainly helped with the forms and step exercises.
Back to my gym today. I still have my cold but I am doing my weights rather than cardio so I should be ok. I need to start going back. I am letting all the bad things rule and I need to stop but it is hard.
Haven't done a war and peace effort in a while so enjoy lol.
Today I have had the morning from hell with Lachlan. Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. Every time I say no to him he loses it and just gets worse and worse the more he doesn't get what he wants. This morning I established after talking to the other kids that Matt gives into him when Lachlan gets worse. Having said that of course I got them back from their dad yesterday. Lachlan played up at taekwondo and I put a punishment in place and it just spiraled from there and continued until he went to school. He is supposed to have swimming lessons tonight and I have asked mum and dad to pick him up from the pool so he can't swim. I know that if he stays with me while the other two have their lessons he will go off his nut and I just don't have the strength to deal with it, especially in public. This morning he was throwing things, calling me names, kicking the seat in the car and screaming. All because I told him no he wasn't watching tv or playing the PS2.
Patrick was ok at Matt's. Apparently Matt was very grumpy and barely said two words to Patrick. Which Patrick was very happy with. Patrick also saw the counsellor or whatever she is. He told her what happened the other weekend and she said she would act on it. Matt went into the room after Patrick and he heard him laugh. He said it was his fake laugh. Poor Patrick, I can just picture Matt. This woman would have said something about the violence and Matt would have just laughed that stupid fake laugh of his and told her Patrick was lying.
It is such an uphill battle. I am trying to teach the kids there is a way to behave that is right and Matt is teaching them the opposite by his behaviour. I feel like I am taking one step forward and twenty back.
Saw G on Tuesday. I told him about M. He was quite pleased actually that I made that decision. He knows me well enough to know how much I crave someone to just want me and love me. So for me to turn it down and not settle surprised him I think. But he told me he was glad I did it if I wasn't happy so that was nice.
Heard from the police yesterday. I am going in for a psych assessment in a couple of weeks. After the initial freak out I am fine with it now. Of course on the day I will be bad but until then no biggy. It is just the start of a long process. I know that there it can go both ways. I just hope it goes the way I want it too.
Se generally? I feel like crap, still can't get my head around anything. SO far behind on my study and want to drop the subject but I can't. I need to lose weight and am struggling with that as well. You would think that the police would be motivation enough but it isn't.
J is still in my life. At a very long arm's distance. I don't want to get hurt but I can't let go either. I don't understand why he wants to keep himself in my life but I guess he still does. I am on RSVP but well that is so full of men throwing themselves at me....not. Last night a guy started chatting to me. Now that would have cost him. He asked for the password for my photo. I gave it to him. Then nothing. When I am trying to recover from many forms of rejection, crap like that is not good.
Have I said about my house? We go to the RTT on Monday. She has put in an application saying basically don't throw us out on the street. Honestly this woman has no clue. She is a law student as well. She is also about 10 years older than I am but really I feel like I am the older one. For someone who is studying law she really should have a better idea. I mean you don't send a letter to the co-op but addressed to me, saying we are breaching provisions in the Act if you can't actually back that up!! We were not breaching the Act. I wouldn't have instigated all this if I thought we were doing something illegal!! It is a joke really. Her lease expired on the 2nd Sept, she is still there. Here is an example of her fine legal skills and her grasp on the English language. (Ok I am not the best either but this is a legal document)
Order or determination sought from RTT:
"not let them send us out on the street. Reinstate our tenancy as we have nowhere to go we will be homeless, have looked but no luck"
Then:
Grounds of application:
"when we first moved into the premises we were under the impression we could stay as long as we wanted now we have nowhere to go."
I can only hope the person making the decisions doesn't go for it and she is booted. My view of all things legal has been tainted a bit of late.
I should point out that the reason why this woman is getting the boot is because she was a tenant in a housing co-op, working towards membership. Rent in a co-op is determined by your income. You have to declare your income and then your rent is decided upon that income.(usually about 25% of your income). She failed to declare all income and as such got a cheaper rent. She was given a probation period but blew that as well and to my knowledge is still not declaring all the income. This has been going on since May!
Grading for taekwondo is next week. I am looking forward to it but not looking forward to it. I get nervous and stuff up. It is hard to remember everything. I am still blown away by how much I enjoy it. I would do it every day if I could. Really hoping that I can get my blue belt by the end of the year. Not sure though as it is a big jump in what you have to know from yellow to blue. But I will give it a good go. Practicing at home as certainly helped with the forms and step exercises.
Back to my gym today. I still have my cold but I am doing my weights rather than cardio so I should be ok. I need to start going back. I am letting all the bad things rule and I need to stop but it is hard.
Haven't done a war and peace effort in a while so enjoy lol.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
