whoa she's gonna big a big one

Thank you girls for your comments! You know the wwoz girls are always there for each other. God how we would all benefit if we did live closer together. The love, support and encouragement would be more than it is now and right now it is pretty damn big.

Today I have had the morning from hell with Lachlan. Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. Every time I say no to him he loses it and just gets worse and worse the more he doesn't get what he wants. This morning I established after talking to the other kids that Matt gives into him when Lachlan gets worse. Having said that of course I got them back from their dad yesterday. Lachlan played up at taekwondo and I put a punishment in place and it just spiraled from there and continued until he went to school. He is supposed to have swimming lessons tonight and I have asked mum and dad to pick him up from the pool so he can't swim. I know that if he stays with me while the other two have their lessons he will go off his nut and I just don't have the strength to deal with it, especially in public. This morning he was throwing things, calling me names, kicking the seat in the car and screaming. All because I told him no he wasn't watching tv or playing the PS2.

Patrick was ok at Matt's. Apparently Matt was very grumpy and barely said two words to Patrick. Which Patrick was very happy with. Patrick also saw the counsellor or whatever she is. He told her what happened the other weekend and she said she would act on it. Matt went into the room after Patrick and he heard him laugh. He said it was his fake laugh. Poor Patrick, I can just picture Matt. This woman would have said something about the violence and Matt would have just laughed that stupid fake laugh of his and told her Patrick was lying.

It is such an uphill battle. I am trying to teach the kids there is a way to behave that is right and Matt is teaching them the opposite by his behaviour. I feel like I am taking one step forward and twenty back.

Saw G on Tuesday. I told him about M. He was quite pleased actually that I made that decision. He knows me well enough to know how much I crave someone to just want me and love me. So for me to turn it down and not settle surprised him I think. But he told me he was glad I did it if I wasn't happy so that was nice.

Heard from the police yesterday. I am going in for a psych assessment in a couple of weeks. After the initial freak out I am fine with it now. Of course on the day I will be bad but until then no biggy. It is just the start of a long process. I know that there it can go both ways. I just hope it goes the way I want it too.

Se generally? I feel like crap, still can't get my head around anything. SO far behind on my study and want to drop the subject but I can't. I need to lose weight and am struggling with that as well. You would think that the police would be motivation enough but it isn't.

J is still in my life. At a very long arm's distance. I don't want to get hurt but I can't let go either. I don't understand why he wants to keep himself in my life but I guess he still does. I am on RSVP but well that is so full of men throwing themselves at me....not. Last night a guy started chatting to me. Now that would have cost him. He asked for the password for my photo. I gave it to him. Then nothing. When I am trying to recover from many forms of rejection, crap like that is not good.

Have I said about my house? We go to the RTT on Monday. She has put in an application saying basically don't throw us out on the street. Honestly this woman has no clue. She is a law student as well. She is also about 10 years older than I am but really I feel like I am the older one. For someone who is studying law she really should have a better idea. I mean you don't send a letter to the co-op but addressed to me, saying we are breaching provisions in the Act if you can't actually back that up!! We were not breaching the Act. I wouldn't have instigated all this if I thought we were doing something illegal!! It is a joke really. Her lease expired on the 2nd Sept, she is still there. Here is an example of her fine legal skills and her grasp on the English language. (Ok I am not the best either but this is a legal document)

Order or determination sought from RTT:
"not let them send us out on the street. Reinstate our tenancy as we have nowhere to go we will be homeless, have looked but no luck"

Then:
Grounds of application:

"when we first moved into the premises we were under the impression we could stay as long as we wanted now we have nowhere to go."

I can only hope the person making the decisions doesn't go for it and she is booted. My view of all things legal has been tainted a bit of late.

I should point out that the reason why this woman is getting the boot is because she was a tenant in a housing co-op, working towards membership. Rent in a co-op is determined by your income. You have to declare your income and then your rent is decided upon that income.(usually about 25% of your income). She failed to declare all income and as such got a cheaper rent. She was given a probation period but blew that as well and to my knowledge is still not declaring all the income. This has been going on since May!

Grading for taekwondo is next week. I am looking forward to it but not looking forward to it. I get nervous and stuff up. It is hard to remember everything. I am still blown away by how much I enjoy it. I would do it every day if I could. Really hoping that I can get my blue belt by the end of the year. Not sure though as it is a big jump in what you have to know from yellow to blue. But I will give it a good go. Practicing at home as certainly helped with the forms and step exercises.

Back to my gym today. I still have my cold but I am doing my weights rather than cardio so I should be ok. I need to start going back. I am letting all the bad things rule and I need to stop but it is hard.

Haven't done a war and peace effort in a while so enjoy lol.