So I drive home from work and there is something missing. I have this job now which means more money into the house. Not a huge amount but enough to be better off than before. I am soon to have my four bedroom house. (the witch better be out. She is running out of time and she is about to get a letter)So what is missing???
A guy. How sad is that? I have a day off today and I am really sad. I want to share my life with someone. Preferably male lol. When I get home from work my kids don't hug me and say how was your shift? They don't sit on the couch with me and and watch M rated movies with me. They don't appreciate me. And that is fine they are kids. Which is why I would love a guy in my life. I feel I have so much to give someone and yet feel so rejected. Past history has shown that I will hold my hand out in my personal life many many times even though it has been slapped back. I want to hold my hand out to someone who will take it.
I am glad that this time I have deleted all of J's numbers, email address, msn address, everything because now is the time that I would cave and get in touch with him just to have something. Because something is better than nothing. Even if they couldn't be with me just to have that phone call to know they are thinking of me.
I hate that I feel like this I really really do. I don't want to feel like I have to have a guy. And I know we have had this post numerous times before. But honestly my heart hurts. Even G hurts me and he doesn't even know it. lol he doesn't even want to have sex with me anymore. He treats me like one of the guys. Which is good but I constantly think. "why aren't I good enough though" When we are in the gym and he is pointing out the hot chicks he likes I just want to turn around and strangle him. I know he isn't meaning to hurt me but it does. It hurts me that he is in contact with his last girlfriend and he is training her now and he went to her house to fix her treadmill. He sees me as a friend. Which I am pleased that he does. But having no other guy in my life I just wish that he would see me like he sees these other girls.
I am enjoying my job, it is so nice to have adult interaction. Am I selfish to still want more?
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2 comments:
You aren't selfish, just human.
It sucks being a single parent. When the kids get older they will sit and watch movies with you and even cuddle etc but I know it's not the same. The challenges continue, they just change shape.
Maybe this is a learning time for you Kate ... a time when you can really learn to nurture yourself (talking to myself here too!) and not be dependent on having a guy to feel happy. You are a great person, and when the time is right and you are not looking for it, that's when someone fantastic will come along that appreciates YOU for your YOU-ness.
*hugs* hang in there
Thanks Raina. You do always say the right things!!
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