Alone

Feeling really down atm. Even though D has just left. Basically the reason is because I realise he has no interest in me in a way that I would like him to and all I do is wonder why. He keeps saying things like "this is why we can't be together..." one of those things is my kids. No wonder I am single. We took them down to the beach and they are just full on. And I know they are just kids. But they are all over him like a rash and just don't leave him alone. He is not used to that. Add to that his back problems it is a lot for him. But I can't say to them just stop. Well I do when they get out of hand but generally I can't. They like him. They have a crappy dad so they are attracted to someone who treats me with respect and someone who treats them better than their dad does. But the catch is it gets boring after a while. Boring is not the word annoying is probably a better phrase.

I don't know anymore. I really don't. There is no one else even remotely like D on the horizon. We get on so well. I know he likes me as well but there are so many things that for the want of better words push him away.

I just don't know what to do anymore. It is getting me down.