Men are just weird.

Ok. so D has said he doesn't want to see me again. I rang him Wednesday night and we were talking. Talking about Monday night etc. And it went back to the old we are just friends thing. I guess though I was fishing for a bit more. I don't know. In the end he just said I don't see any way around this other than I dont' see you anymore. I was devastated. I can see where he is coming from. I am getting in way to deep. He has no desire to hurt me. The biggest thing for me I guess is that the words out of his mouth are friends but his actions scream relationship.

In a way I guess that says stuff about him. He has stuff to sort out. I did try txting him and he just told me to stop. So I left it. I can't imagine my life now without him it.

Thursday afternoon he txt me asking if I can drop his mum's shot glasses back to her. If she is not there then just put them on the back step. I replied that I would do it Friday. I also mentioned that I hated the fact that our friendship had gone and that we got on to well for it all to turn to shit. No reply.

Yesterday he rolls into work!!! To ask me what I am doing Saturday at 1.15. He is getting his tattoo and I had ask to come and watch and did I still want to.

So he said he would be at his mum's when I dropped the glasses off and would see him then. I went around there after work. Didn't get home until after 12. All above board and very friend like. We didn't get much time to talk and even when we could we didn't really. We were helping his eldest son move house. When we were in the car together he says see this is more what friends do. My comment was well we do this anyway. It is all just the added stuff. He agreed. I said that I didn't want to lose him out of my life. He stated he knew that and he didn't want to lose me out of his life either. (I guess making the move of seeing me at work)

In the original phone call he said that we can't keep our hands off each other and it is true. So that is going to be a lesson in self control to stop that. It is screwing both of us.

In a way I think he has it fixed in his head he has to do certain things before he can commit to someone again. Which I guess makes sense. Anyway he must have done some thinking. Well he even said he felt he had to start doing stuff. So he has just about booked his tickets for overseas. This is the major thing. He is leaving on the 11th May and doesn't come home until 14th July. And the sudden action on getting the tattoo. He has been talking about these things for ages.

I know now how much he does like me but is really not ready. And although he is falling for me he really really is not ready for that or he would allow it to happen. However, I will not allow myself to get hurt like that again. I was devastated he said he didn't' want to see me anymore. So I will tread slowly. I will enjoy what we have and no longer try and see stuff that he is not ready for me to see. Yeah I know you are all going well doh. But it is hard for me. Although I am gaining more confidence I am still very much lacking. I need to hear the good stuff. I need to hear that he likes me etc. I need to now remember that he came back to me and not the other way around. That he isn't going out with anyone else. That he does very much need his space so he can do his own stuff. I need to be assured that he is my best friend and he enjoys my company just as much as I enjoy his and he is not interested in a relationship with anyone and if he was I would be the one. KATE YOU MUST REMEMBER THESE THINGS.