arftermath

I have come home from work. I couldn't cope. I was just crying all the time and no way I could have served customers all day.

I have spoken to D and things are good. He said he has put it behind him. Things are going to be different. No cuddles and kisses etc. No sex. There hasn't been much of that anyway but there was some. But basically just friends. Of course this keeps being said and it keeps falling back to how we are now. But he has pulled back. He said he has considered asking me out but he isn't ready. So I will respect his choices. I don't have to like them but I will respect them. Our friendship is to important and the hope of a relationship is still very real. It may not happen but there is hope.

It is very different from when G and I were "seeing" each other. I was hoping and falling for something that wasn't there. There is something here this time it is just to soon for D. Perhaps it is to soon for me. I don't know. I just hope things don't change to much, in that I don't see him as much. But once he knows I will willing to respect his choices I am sure he will be happy again to be around me more. At the moment he is so worried about hurting me that he just pulled away. he keeps telling me he doesn't want to lead me up the garden path. Of course he isn't because he has always been honest.

He is not ready to settle down yet. I accept that and the minute he starts to feel he is in a relationship he gets worried. So I need to accept that.

Another thing that I haven't mentioned much of his my hassles with Patrick. He is so negative all the time and just being rude and putting people down. I am so over it and he is over me being over it and we are butting heads. I feel guilty all the time and blah blah blah. I am sure you all get what I am saying. So everything that normally I would cope with seems to have just hit me and made me unable to cope. I have the rest of the week off work. The funeral is on Friday.

Today I am sitting with a chip filled cheese and bacon roll and a brownie and watching some movies. The dishes and my diet can wait for tomorrow.