crapity crap crap crap

So the tenant in my house is supposed to be out on Sunday. There were phone calls flying around over the week as she in touch with this organisation who help people find accommodation. They wanted her to have more time. We the hard nose co-op that we are have said no. Thank God. I was worried there for a bit. But I still don't think she will be out. I have drawn up a form 7 to lodge with the Residential Tenancies Tribunal first thing Monday if she is not out. Which she won't be. I knew this would happen but I am still really upset by it. Add to that I have been trying to fix falling apart furniture that is just so old it is crazy I am feeling really crappy and teary.

I miss J. I miss him because I could just call him up and by the end of the phone call I would be feeling better. M and I are getting on really well but we are not up to that yet. He is not ready to see me who gets upset about stuff. At this point he is seeing the me who just lets everything roll over her and nothing upsets me. I replied to an email of his this morning. The closest i go to saying anything was just that I was frustrated about it all and need to stop thinking about it. When in truth I am sitting here in tears just sick of it all. I am so tempted just to pick up the phone and call J at the moment and then just feel better. But I know that will only be short term.

Why is everything so hard? Surely I have had my time with no money, small house and crap furniture? Can i have some time now where things are just a little bit easier? Why can't my ex just get on with his life and leave me and the kids the fuck alone.

I am looking forward to Monday though. Have I said this? That M and I are going to lunch together. We are meeting somewhere and then going up to the hills to Hahndorf in his car. We have had some good chats and he knows how I want to take it slow. But if we get alone well I don't want to take it that slow. I will never make the first move but I said to Rachel that I am going to have to start a bit of flirting if that is the case lol. I hope that this second meeting is a good as the first that he is as ok looking as he was the first time. I know that sounds odd but you know how you look at houses when thinking of buying and it isn't until later you sort of think "oh I didn't' notice that the first time?" I just want that comfortable stage like I had with J and have with G and then to take it to that next stage that steps beyond the boundaries of friends. I hate all this dancing around one another getting to know you biso. I know it is needed but I want to press fast forward. God will I ever be happy