Come on, how long can it take??? Make a decision already.
I have an interview with Coles at Brighton tomorrow. I don't want that job. It is to far away from home. It is near where I see G at the gym. I don't want to go to the interview even. I thought that I would be content just being a checkout chick but I am not. I don't want that job. I know I haven't got it yet but all this waiting for the HN job is just making me want it more.
Ok Off now. I am going off to see G. I am boxing today. I think I need it.
Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Monday, 29 October 2007
and the tension builds
I just rang Harvey and the guy is still thinking. Who knows if it was the right thing to do or not. On one hand it is great that I did it as it shows I am keen and happy to be a bit pushy to get what I want. Which could translate into get that sale. On the other hand I appear pushy and he doesn't like that. So I am not out of the running yet so that is good I guess.
Laura hasn't thrown up in a while so hopefully she is over it now. I left a message at Matt's work saying be at school or he doesn't get the kids. He is such a dick. He wants me to make my life around him. It doesn't work like that. These are his kids. I am happy for them to stay home but of course it means I miss out and that sucks. But least I know they are ok with me. We shall see at 3.20. I left a message on his home phone as well just in case. The woman at his work wasn't keen to take the message. She said it puts her in a hard place. I told her that I needed to let him know and I am just asking her to pass the message on. Geez surely it isn't that hard. But then who knows what he has told them about me.
So waiting waiting waiting. Please please please let this be my job. You guys will be the first to know. Well after I ring mum and dad and txt G and Karen! lol
Laura hasn't thrown up in a while so hopefully she is over it now. I left a message at Matt's work saying be at school or he doesn't get the kids. He is such a dick. He wants me to make my life around him. It doesn't work like that. These are his kids. I am happy for them to stay home but of course it means I miss out and that sucks. But least I know they are ok with me. We shall see at 3.20. I left a message on his home phone as well just in case. The woman at his work wasn't keen to take the message. She said it puts her in a hard place. I told her that I needed to let him know and I am just asking her to pass the message on. Geez surely it isn't that hard. But then who knows what he has told them about me.
So waiting waiting waiting. Please please please let this be my job. You guys will be the first to know. Well after I ring mum and dad and txt G and Karen! lol
Men are bastards
Well some anyway. Laura has gastro and been vomiting through out the night. I rang Matt to inform him that she can't go into OSCH and he lets me know that he won't be there until 4.30. Like I am a taxi service. Picking the kids up, going back to my house for a while then bringing them back. Not only do I not have the time, I also do not have the inclination. If the kids fit around him then great otherwise no go. Arse hole. He now won't answer the phone so I will be ringing his work when the office opens to leave a message for him saying if he is not there by 3.25pm I will be taking the kids home and he will not having the kids tonight. He goes on about me following the court order well he needs to as well.
J been hanging around again. No joke he really does have the ability to hurt me. I know I am so lonely which makes me venerable and boy does he play on it. That is all I am going into about that. I have not spoken to him for ages but there are txt and emails flying.
Saw G on Sunday. He txt me and said did I want to bring the kids down to colonnades for a hot choc, his shout. After confirming that he did in fact want to be exposed to my kids we went down there. Of course no Laura!! It is like this big conspiracy now about Laura not meeting him. Still it was nice. He went for a wonder around and told the boys that if he goes into a shop with someone he has to buy them something! Well the boys were in on that. He brought them choc. Lachlan thinks G is wonderful. Kept wanting to hold G's hand with G handing him back to me all the time. I said don't you like holding his hand. G said he is a boy. Lol. But he was lifting Lachlan up etc which Lachlan loved as G is so tall. So it was very nice. Of course it made me a bit sad once I got home because I want more. G is the only guy in my life. So of course I am going to get these feelings. Sad and annoying.
G also spoke to the guy he knows at Hardly Normal. Who in turn was going to speak to the guy who did my interview. Who knows if it will help or not but oh well. I am not high enough not to accept outside help in getting a job.
Ok better get dressed and see how madam is traveling. Of course if I do end up having the kids it means I can't go to the gym. Pissed off about that.
J been hanging around again. No joke he really does have the ability to hurt me. I know I am so lonely which makes me venerable and boy does he play on it. That is all I am going into about that. I have not spoken to him for ages but there are txt and emails flying.
Saw G on Sunday. He txt me and said did I want to bring the kids down to colonnades for a hot choc, his shout. After confirming that he did in fact want to be exposed to my kids we went down there. Of course no Laura!! It is like this big conspiracy now about Laura not meeting him. Still it was nice. He went for a wonder around and told the boys that if he goes into a shop with someone he has to buy them something! Well the boys were in on that. He brought them choc. Lachlan thinks G is wonderful. Kept wanting to hold G's hand with G handing him back to me all the time. I said don't you like holding his hand. G said he is a boy. Lol. But he was lifting Lachlan up etc which Lachlan loved as G is so tall. So it was very nice. Of course it made me a bit sad once I got home because I want more. G is the only guy in my life. So of course I am going to get these feelings. Sad and annoying.
G also spoke to the guy he knows at Hardly Normal. Who in turn was going to speak to the guy who did my interview. Who knows if it will help or not but oh well. I am not high enough not to accept outside help in getting a job.
Ok better get dressed and see how madam is traveling. Of course if I do end up having the kids it means I can't go to the gym. Pissed off about that.
Friday, 26 October 2007
waiting waiting waiting
So the interview on Wednesday went great. Well I thought so anyway. I was there for over an hour and the guy and I chatted about a lot of things. Turns out there is only one position. I was supposed to find out today. I haven't heard a word. Is that good or is that bad??? It is really hard to stay positive and think yes I have it. The power of positive thinking and all because it is going to be a let down if I don't get it. Does that make sense? It would be a great job. Money, Selling stuff I like, money, being around people all the time, and of course the money. There is the side that I am going to go into complete shock working full time again and trying to study. Well I have never worked full time and studied so it will be a big rearrangement of my life. But money I need the money man. Show me the bloody money.
So I will wait.....
Only got the boys home tonight. Laura is off to a friend's house for a sleep over. It is the friends birthday so she invited Laura and another friend to sleep over. They are going out to dinner at Cafe Primo then off to the beach house tomorrow. Half her luck. Wish we could do that. Single mum, working full time, one child and a dad who pays his share of child support. She admits she has it good money wise. She is a lovely lady though we get on well.
Had a course today. Admin 1. It is run through the Office of Community Housing. No cost. Don't have to go but mum conned me into it. The lady taking it is great. She mediated some of our meetings when we had trouble. So we had a good catch up and she was telling me about a non renewal of lease they had that the RTT said yep they are to go and then the appeals board so no she can stay!! Sooooooo wrong. They have now employed a lawyer. It would seem that the appeals board has over stepped the mark. I would have thought that the RTT was the higher power??? Anyway she is going to let me know what happens.
Patrick has cricket in the morning. Oh what fun oh what joy. Least Laura and Lachlan won't be fighting if Laura isn't there. I will take the puppy with us so that should keep Lachlan occupied for a bit. Then there is always abc kids on my phone for the rest of the time. It is just soooo bloody boring. I read normally. I look up when Patrick is bowling. I look up when he is batting and that is it really. Can you tell Iam not a cricket fan.
So I will wait.....
Only got the boys home tonight. Laura is off to a friend's house for a sleep over. It is the friends birthday so she invited Laura and another friend to sleep over. They are going out to dinner at Cafe Primo then off to the beach house tomorrow. Half her luck. Wish we could do that. Single mum, working full time, one child and a dad who pays his share of child support. She admits she has it good money wise. She is a lovely lady though we get on well.
Had a course today. Admin 1. It is run through the Office of Community Housing. No cost. Don't have to go but mum conned me into it. The lady taking it is great. She mediated some of our meetings when we had trouble. So we had a good catch up and she was telling me about a non renewal of lease they had that the RTT said yep they are to go and then the appeals board so no she can stay!! Sooooooo wrong. They have now employed a lawyer. It would seem that the appeals board has over stepped the mark. I would have thought that the RTT was the higher power??? Anyway she is going to let me know what happens.
Patrick has cricket in the morning. Oh what fun oh what joy. Least Laura and Lachlan won't be fighting if Laura isn't there. I will take the puppy with us so that should keep Lachlan occupied for a bit. Then there is always abc kids on my phone for the rest of the time. It is just soooo bloody boring. I read normally. I look up when Patrick is bowling. I look up when he is batting and that is it really. Can you tell Iam not a cricket fan.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
fit but not so fabulous
Well I have just come back from seeing G. Mixed feelings about how it all went. Abs sucked big time. Only got to level one. (lying on back hands on thighs and reach up to put wrists on knees. Next level is elbows to knees. LOL that was a joke) strength was above average (push ups on toes: I did 26 before I died) Flexibility was excellent. 6 Min bike test was excellent (sit on a bike. Started at level 7 each minute it goes up a level and check heart rate each level. My heart rate got to 127 on level 9 I think) I also did the beep test but that sucked. 4.8. My resting heart rate is 60 which he said was great. (why he had to sound so surprised I don't know!)
He also took all my measurements. I have been so grumpy this morning and I was nearly in tears when he did this this morning. I wasn't going to do the pinch test but I did. Surprisingly it was better him doing it. He wasn't as invasive perhaps. Didn't take as many measurements. The worst was just above my hip bone. So after all that it wasn't' so bad. Lol I have a 3 cm different between my thigh measurements. (this is the measurement done with a tape measure) Weird. I don't know what my measurements were. I didn't want to know. I know my fat percentage is 37.5, which is bad, bad because at the start of the year I was close to 35. He wrote down all the exercise I usually do in a week and said well that is fine so it just must be your eating. Yeah well I knew that!!
Anyway I am still seeing him once a week but once a month we will do the tests again. I have to fill out a food diary for the month and exercise diary. (these are the ones I made up for him, so nothing flash.) So I am determined to do this. Few reasons. One being that I need to. I also realise that I am on a good thing. I am getting this all for free. (well apart from computer work occasionally) and also G is my friend and I really care what he thinks for me to not make a change and do this right will make me think he is disapproving of me. He would never think that. But it does really matter to me how he sees me etc. Be that right or wrong that is the way I feel and if it means I move my butt then so be it.
He also took all my measurements. I have been so grumpy this morning and I was nearly in tears when he did this this morning. I wasn't going to do the pinch test but I did. Surprisingly it was better him doing it. He wasn't as invasive perhaps. Didn't take as many measurements. The worst was just above my hip bone. So after all that it wasn't' so bad. Lol I have a 3 cm different between my thigh measurements. (this is the measurement done with a tape measure) Weird. I don't know what my measurements were. I didn't want to know. I know my fat percentage is 37.5, which is bad, bad because at the start of the year I was close to 35. He wrote down all the exercise I usually do in a week and said well that is fine so it just must be your eating. Yeah well I knew that!!
Anyway I am still seeing him once a week but once a month we will do the tests again. I have to fill out a food diary for the month and exercise diary. (these are the ones I made up for him, so nothing flash.) So I am determined to do this. Few reasons. One being that I need to. I also realise that I am on a good thing. I am getting this all for free. (well apart from computer work occasionally) and also G is my friend and I really care what he thinks for me to not make a change and do this right will make me think he is disapproving of me. He would never think that. But it does really matter to me how he sees me etc. Be that right or wrong that is the way I feel and if it means I move my butt then so be it.
Monday, 22 October 2007
Hardly Normal
Got a phone call today to come in for a "chat"!! for harvey norman. They are looking for someone to work in their computer area. (mobiles phones, cameras etc) It is a salary based job but apparently you do have to reach sales targets, which I am not that keen on. But we will see.
G actually knows the regional manager and yesterday said to me if I got an interview I should mention his name. We will see. G is actually one of my references. (I am hard pushed to find people and I have done some work for him, computing at that lol)
So quite excited but nervous all the same. It would be good.Not to far from home. Selling stuff I enjoy, which would be a good thing. I have mystery shopped them so I will be commenting on that in the interview.
Funny though my age isn't on my resume or anything but it says I am a uni student. So when the guy rang I got the impression that he thought I was a young uni student. I did inform him I was a parent. I will just impress on them that that does not matter as I have lots of support and the kids will not interfere with my work. I have to at least get the job first lol
G actually knows the regional manager and yesterday said to me if I got an interview I should mention his name. We will see. G is actually one of my references. (I am hard pushed to find people and I have done some work for him, computing at that lol)
So quite excited but nervous all the same. It would be good.Not to far from home. Selling stuff I enjoy, which would be a good thing. I have mystery shopped them so I will be commenting on that in the interview.
Funny though my age isn't on my resume or anything but it says I am a uni student. So when the guy rang I got the impression that he thought I was a young uni student. I did inform him I was a parent. I will just impress on them that that does not matter as I have lots of support and the kids will not interfere with my work. I have to at least get the job first lol
Sunday, 21 October 2007
Holy Crap
Met up with G this morning. We went for a long walk and came back and did........."the stairs"!!!! All up an hour. I am stuffed. The little piddly bit I did on the stairs is nothing compared to this time. I certainly push myself a lot harder when I am with someone else. Lol we were going to do it one more time but he said he didn't want me to die. I was bloody close!! Good thing though was a stopped puffing before I got to the car which was maybe a minute walk away so that was good.
On Tuesday I start being a guinea pig for his new work stuff. Thankfully he is not going to measure my fat with the pinch test. Just a tape measure. Not quite as bad but still pretty bad. Oh well. Not doing the beep test as the room will be in use. But have to do this bike test. (will let you know what that is when I know) Abs and push ups. Should be interesting. I also have to fill out a food and exercise diary. lol should be very interesting!! Think it is what I need. I am one of the lucky ones who can lose weight fairly easily if I just put my mind to it so Kate put your bloody mind to it.
Scales not showing much movement this week but that is fine as I have upped the exercise and they never move when I exercise, However I am hoping to start really feeling it in my clothes soon though.
Off to a co-op meeting today. Really not in the mood. Just want to watch movies. It is really hot here today and no air con I hate it. Least my car has it and the meeting place. Even so though. Yuk.
Applied for a couple of jobs with Harvey Normal. It would be good to get one of those.
On Tuesday I start being a guinea pig for his new work stuff. Thankfully he is not going to measure my fat with the pinch test. Just a tape measure. Not quite as bad but still pretty bad. Oh well. Not doing the beep test as the room will be in use. But have to do this bike test. (will let you know what that is when I know) Abs and push ups. Should be interesting. I also have to fill out a food and exercise diary. lol should be very interesting!! Think it is what I need. I am one of the lucky ones who can lose weight fairly easily if I just put my mind to it so Kate put your bloody mind to it.
Scales not showing much movement this week but that is fine as I have upped the exercise and they never move when I exercise, However I am hoping to start really feeling it in my clothes soon though.
Off to a co-op meeting today. Really not in the mood. Just want to watch movies. It is really hot here today and no air con I hate it. Least my car has it and the meeting place. Even so though. Yuk.
Applied for a couple of jobs with Harvey Normal. It would be good to get one of those.
Thursday, 18 October 2007
rolling rolling rolling
Well I am hanging in there. I spoke to the manager of the recruiting section. I can reapply in 12 months. Apparently I am compulsive about following rules and not enough confidence. Ok maybe the confidence but please the rule thing??? Would you call someone who puts glues in lock's so their ex husband can't get into the house following the rules compulsively? Yeah sure. And isn't following the rules what they want? From what she was saying it I think it was mainly the confidence thing. I was talking to my taekwondo instructor and he said yeah the confidence thing yes.
I know that but if it was my job I would be confident. I guess they need it all over the shot. I don't know.
I am pretty shitted off over the whole thing, actually. I am waiting for the pysch who did the interview to call me back. I will be asking him some questions that is for sure. Nothing to lose. However shitted off or not it is good to know that the door is not completely closed.
So I have applied to so many retail jobs online it isn't funny. I have been shortlisted for a interview for a position at coles at Brighton (near G). Not ideal but I will worry about it if I get the job. It is always easier to get a job once you have one. Time will yet again tell.
I have been fairly down the last few days. Just the heap of shit in my life that i have to deal with is getting bigger and bigger and I can't seem to shovel quick enough. And I will say it again. Just to have that special guy in my life just to hang out with etc would make the world of difference. All the other shit honestly would be so bearable if I could just have that one person who was there for me and I didn't have to put on the brave face.
Ok moving on. I went for a chat to the principle's (more than one for different sections of the school) at the kids new school. Looks good. Of course there are bits that I like better about Reynella but hey deal with it. They are big on soccer which will make Patrick happy. The kids all seemed nice and polite. As much as kids can be anyway, which is always a good sign. I gave them all the goss on the fact that Patrick needs a firm teacher who will follow through with clear consequences if he crosses the boundaries. They were most appreciative that I told them that. They said most parents would say oh my kids are perfect. My view is that is to Patrick's detriment if I don't tell them and they give him an airy fairy teacher and he plays up.
I want my house. I want to move. Who knows what will happen. Realistically I am sure this woman will stay in the house claiming it is Christmas time, blah blah, but we have the order and we can get the bailiffs in. And so help me I will call them in!!!
Well that is it really. I got in contact with G to get together this weekend. I just need to hang out with someone who I always feel good around. (as long as he doesn't talk about my weight) I have no money so we are going to do the stairs lol. Weird isn't it?? I am meeting a guy to go and run up and down some stairs!!!! Still it will be good as I am sure that will stop and chat as well.
Also off to taekwondo Saturday morning. It is good to be back. However a couple of families have discovered that Tuesday nights you get more one on one training because not many people go. Well it bloody won't be soon if they all work it out!! I will admit it I don't want more people coming. I love Tuesdays as it is just black and red belts plus us 4!! So piss off you other people and let me enjoy my Tuesdays lol.
I know that but if it was my job I would be confident. I guess they need it all over the shot. I don't know.
I am pretty shitted off over the whole thing, actually. I am waiting for the pysch who did the interview to call me back. I will be asking him some questions that is for sure. Nothing to lose. However shitted off or not it is good to know that the door is not completely closed.
So I have applied to so many retail jobs online it isn't funny. I have been shortlisted for a interview for a position at coles at Brighton (near G). Not ideal but I will worry about it if I get the job. It is always easier to get a job once you have one. Time will yet again tell.
I have been fairly down the last few days. Just the heap of shit in my life that i have to deal with is getting bigger and bigger and I can't seem to shovel quick enough. And I will say it again. Just to have that special guy in my life just to hang out with etc would make the world of difference. All the other shit honestly would be so bearable if I could just have that one person who was there for me and I didn't have to put on the brave face.
Ok moving on. I went for a chat to the principle's (more than one for different sections of the school) at the kids new school. Looks good. Of course there are bits that I like better about Reynella but hey deal with it. They are big on soccer which will make Patrick happy. The kids all seemed nice and polite. As much as kids can be anyway, which is always a good sign. I gave them all the goss on the fact that Patrick needs a firm teacher who will follow through with clear consequences if he crosses the boundaries. They were most appreciative that I told them that. They said most parents would say oh my kids are perfect. My view is that is to Patrick's detriment if I don't tell them and they give him an airy fairy teacher and he plays up.
I want my house. I want to move. Who knows what will happen. Realistically I am sure this woman will stay in the house claiming it is Christmas time, blah blah, but we have the order and we can get the bailiffs in. And so help me I will call them in!!!
Well that is it really. I got in contact with G to get together this weekend. I just need to hang out with someone who I always feel good around. (as long as he doesn't talk about my weight) I have no money so we are going to do the stairs lol. Weird isn't it?? I am meeting a guy to go and run up and down some stairs!!!! Still it will be good as I am sure that will stop and chat as well.
Also off to taekwondo Saturday morning. It is good to be back. However a couple of families have discovered that Tuesday nights you get more one on one training because not many people go. Well it bloody won't be soon if they all work it out!! I will admit it I don't want more people coming. I love Tuesdays as it is just black and red belts plus us 4!! So piss off you other people and let me enjoy my Tuesdays lol.
Sunday, 14 October 2007
Getting it together
I really really enjoyed the movie yesterday. Good message. In one part it was said "If we ask God to give us courage he does not make us courageous but gives us opportunities to be courageous etc." That rung a bell with me. It is very true.
Anywho moving on. How awful is this? It is so nice not having Lachlan here. No fights etc. It is great. Not forever but just for last night and today it is nice. Last night we sat on the floor in front of Ice Age 2 and ate pizza and chocolate. I got to sleep in this morning as there were no fights. I can't wait for him to get older and more responsible.
Took the kids horse riding yesterday. Laura went without the lead rope which was great. Patrick actually went off without the lead rope and without me walking beside him. He was pretty pleased with himself.
I should say that Patrick is the master at the moment for changing the lyrics for songs. The latest... I see you watching me watching you..... its where your doggie peed!! oh dear lol
Anywho moving on. How awful is this? It is so nice not having Lachlan here. No fights etc. It is great. Not forever but just for last night and today it is nice. Last night we sat on the floor in front of Ice Age 2 and ate pizza and chocolate. I got to sleep in this morning as there were no fights. I can't wait for him to get older and more responsible.
Took the kids horse riding yesterday. Laura went without the lead rope which was great. Patrick actually went off without the lead rope and without me walking beside him. He was pretty pleased with himself.
I should say that Patrick is the master at the moment for changing the lyrics for songs. The latest... I see you watching me watching you..... its where your doggie peed!! oh dear lol
Saturday, 13 October 2007
we regret to inform you......
surprise surprise....... I tried to ring to get feedback which they said to do but no one has rung back.
I am pissed off that one man had the power to do this to me. He doesn't know me. He does not know that if my job required it I can be dominate and forceful. I can think outside the square. I do it all the time. I can adapt to different situations. I could handle someone going off at me. Who cares, those dick's aren't my friends, so I don't care if they go off at me.
I really wanted that job. I wanted the variety it would have brought. I wanted to be able to help people. I WANTED TO BE A BLOODY COP!
So moving on. I have applied online to so many retail places. Angus and Robertson, Sanity Music, Coles and all their affiliated stores, Woolworths and all their affiliated stores (amazing how many are owned by the same people) I have written I enjoy opportunities to provide superior customer service that many times it isn't funny. Because I haven't worked I struggle for references. I am using someone from the co-op and G. Bless him. I guess I have been doing so much work for him lately he can comment on that as well as friendship.
I just feel so old all of a sudden. My law degree is so far away. I really don't want a checkout chick job, but I am not really qualified for anything else. And lets face it I am good at it. It will be good just to get out of the house and meet people.
Not many people know about the cops yet. I just don't really want to talk about it. I sort of knew last week so I am not as upset as I thought but even so. I do the whole pretend everything is just peachy. Yet again. Just be nice to have the special guy in my life, my best friend who knows me so well to hold me and say it will be fine. Where I don't have to hold it together, just for a few minutes. Lol well I guess he won't be a cop!! Who knows when and where he will turn up but hey mister I could do with that hug soon!!!!!!
So school holidays are drawing to a close! Thank god. The kids have been great. They drove me insane last night just with their silliness but generally they have been good. Lachlan has been out twice on his bike and yesterday he did great. Hopefully we will have time today and he will really get it but not sure if we will have time. We are going horse riding this morning and then dropping Lachlan at mum and dad's for the night and I am taking the older two to see Evan Almighty.
Fingers crossed someone will call next week begging me to work for them. lol. I do live in hope don't I. Like I told G the other day. It never in the past takes me long to find a job when I put my mind to it. So hopefully it won't take long this time.
talking of G. Laura said to me the other day, "have I met G" I told her no. She then went on to say she wanted to meet him. I said she could come with me to the gym if she wanted but she would be bored so would have to take a book etc. She was ok with that. Gets up the next morning decides that she doesn't want to after all. I told G. Lol I think he was a bit put out she changed her mind.
Wednesday when the kid were in Vac care. I drove down to the gym to drop the stuff off to him. He wasn't there so I just txt saying I left them there. He txt back saying he just got home if I wanted to call in and say hi. So I do just that. I go in, flop down on the couch and he says to me "where are the kids" I told him. He goes Oh that was the whole reason I said to call in so the kids could meet me!! I just laughed and said G you do not want my three kids here. He just said oh they would have been ok for 5 minutes. I find it funny that after 2.5 years he now wouldn't mind meeting my kids. I don't have a problem with it at all but just not high on my priority list to arrange it.
Oh and add to my woes at the moment, I think my microwave blew up last night. It started making weird noises and the light was flashing on and off. I quickly stopped it but when I opened it there was a bit of smoke and some black crap in it. Just what i need. Not.
Ok enough. Ramble over. Back to life.
I am pissed off that one man had the power to do this to me. He doesn't know me. He does not know that if my job required it I can be dominate and forceful. I can think outside the square. I do it all the time. I can adapt to different situations. I could handle someone going off at me. Who cares, those dick's aren't my friends, so I don't care if they go off at me.
I really wanted that job. I wanted the variety it would have brought. I wanted to be able to help people. I WANTED TO BE A BLOODY COP!
So moving on. I have applied online to so many retail places. Angus and Robertson, Sanity Music, Coles and all their affiliated stores, Woolworths and all their affiliated stores (amazing how many are owned by the same people) I have written I enjoy opportunities to provide superior customer service that many times it isn't funny. Because I haven't worked I struggle for references. I am using someone from the co-op and G. Bless him. I guess I have been doing so much work for him lately he can comment on that as well as friendship.
I just feel so old all of a sudden. My law degree is so far away. I really don't want a checkout chick job, but I am not really qualified for anything else. And lets face it I am good at it. It will be good just to get out of the house and meet people.
Not many people know about the cops yet. I just don't really want to talk about it. I sort of knew last week so I am not as upset as I thought but even so. I do the whole pretend everything is just peachy. Yet again. Just be nice to have the special guy in my life, my best friend who knows me so well to hold me and say it will be fine. Where I don't have to hold it together, just for a few minutes. Lol well I guess he won't be a cop!! Who knows when and where he will turn up but hey mister I could do with that hug soon!!!!!!
So school holidays are drawing to a close! Thank god. The kids have been great. They drove me insane last night just with their silliness but generally they have been good. Lachlan has been out twice on his bike and yesterday he did great. Hopefully we will have time today and he will really get it but not sure if we will have time. We are going horse riding this morning and then dropping Lachlan at mum and dad's for the night and I am taking the older two to see Evan Almighty.
Fingers crossed someone will call next week begging me to work for them. lol. I do live in hope don't I. Like I told G the other day. It never in the past takes me long to find a job when I put my mind to it. So hopefully it won't take long this time.
talking of G. Laura said to me the other day, "have I met G" I told her no. She then went on to say she wanted to meet him. I said she could come with me to the gym if she wanted but she would be bored so would have to take a book etc. She was ok with that. Gets up the next morning decides that she doesn't want to after all. I told G. Lol I think he was a bit put out she changed her mind.
Wednesday when the kid were in Vac care. I drove down to the gym to drop the stuff off to him. He wasn't there so I just txt saying I left them there. He txt back saying he just got home if I wanted to call in and say hi. So I do just that. I go in, flop down on the couch and he says to me "where are the kids" I told him. He goes Oh that was the whole reason I said to call in so the kids could meet me!! I just laughed and said G you do not want my three kids here. He just said oh they would have been ok for 5 minutes. I find it funny that after 2.5 years he now wouldn't mind meeting my kids. I don't have a problem with it at all but just not high on my priority list to arrange it.
Oh and add to my woes at the moment, I think my microwave blew up last night. It started making weird noises and the light was flashing on and off. I quickly stopped it but when I opened it there was a bit of smoke and some black crap in it. Just what i need. Not.
Ok enough. Ramble over. Back to life.
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Tired tired tired
I really need to remember to take my multivitamin! They sure make a difference. I feel really run down at the moment. Shouldn't really say tired but just worn out!!
My PT session went well. Yes my legs were still sore but not to bad. I thought I got out of the cross trainer but G, bless him, saved it for last. That set them going.... oh they hurt for that. Luckily I was only on there for 5 minutes. I hate the cross trainer. We then sat down with a hot chocolate and worked out the wording for his ad for the newspaper. We got a bit stuck but I thought of something on the way home.
Sick of dieting?
Want results that last a life time?
Its time to take control and get serious.
I am a lifestyle consultant who can motivate you to achieve your goals to get you in the best shape of your life and maintain it.
Call G blah blah blah
So I have to finish up his flyer for the letter box drop and he has given me a few other things like a food diary to make pretty and I have to make up an exercise diary and a few other things as well. Busy busy bee. But like mum said it gets me some more free PT sessions lol.
Surprisingly the kids have been fairly well behaved. Mind you having said that Laura has just cracked it. 3 kids with only one TV just doesn't work when one wants to play the playstation.
I have applied online to a few retail places. Dan Murphy's are opening up a store near here. I have put in my resume to Sanity Music and also the Woolworths line of shops. (Big W, Woolworths, Tandy, Dick Smith etc.) Fingers crossed I get something soon. I need money and I need money now. I am trying hard not to think about what I am getting the kids again for Christmas.
Not much else is happening really. The kids go into Vac care tomorrow. They all wanted a day there so it doesn't cost me a huge amount so that is fine with me. Gives us all a break from one another and I can tidy the house up again.
My PT session went well. Yes my legs were still sore but not to bad. I thought I got out of the cross trainer but G, bless him, saved it for last. That set them going.... oh they hurt for that. Luckily I was only on there for 5 minutes. I hate the cross trainer. We then sat down with a hot chocolate and worked out the wording for his ad for the newspaper. We got a bit stuck but I thought of something on the way home.
Sick of dieting?
Want results that last a life time?
Its time to take control and get serious.
I am a lifestyle consultant who can motivate you to achieve your goals to get you in the best shape of your life and maintain it.
Call G blah blah blah
So I have to finish up his flyer for the letter box drop and he has given me a few other things like a food diary to make pretty and I have to make up an exercise diary and a few other things as well. Busy busy bee. But like mum said it gets me some more free PT sessions lol.
Surprisingly the kids have been fairly well behaved. Mind you having said that Laura has just cracked it. 3 kids with only one TV just doesn't work when one wants to play the playstation.
I have applied online to a few retail places. Dan Murphy's are opening up a store near here. I have put in my resume to Sanity Music and also the Woolworths line of shops. (Big W, Woolworths, Tandy, Dick Smith etc.) Fingers crossed I get something soon. I need money and I need money now. I am trying hard not to think about what I am getting the kids again for Christmas.
Not much else is happening really. The kids go into Vac care tomorrow. They all wanted a day there so it doesn't cost me a huge amount so that is fine with me. Gives us all a break from one another and I can tidy the house up again.
Monday, 8 October 2007
Please please please please
let my legs feel better tomorrow for my PT session with G. They are still really sore from "the Stairs"!! I can't believe how sore. I can't squat down like I normally can without acting like an 80 year old woman with arthritis!! I gave them a good albeit painful massage and try to keep moving them all the time so fingers crossed they will be better in the morning!!
Food wise still shit.
Food wise still shit.
Sunday, 7 October 2007
All is right with the world.
That is how it feels when I get my kids back. Of course once they really start fighting I will be thinking differently. This time it is going to be heaps different though as they will be spending time one on one with mum and dad. Patrick is first tonight. They had an ok time at their dad's. Matt hurt Patrick again. Took his phone away again. Patrick felt a need to pick up a stick and protect himself because Matt was angry at him. Why can't Matt see that he is going about disciplining the kids all wrong. Patrick never feels the need to pick up a stick to protect himself from me. He is not frightened of me. Yet he has told me he gets frightened of his dad. Very sad.
Friday night I went out with Rachel. She ended up driving. I had a bit to drink which was nice. Been a while. Same creepy bald man tried to chat me up again. He is always there. Rachel and I have pretended to be gay before in the vain hope he would leave me alone. But each time we go there he always tries. A nice man came up just as we were about to leave. Looking back I should have danced with him but it was just nice a half decent man thought he would try his luck with me lol.
Dragged myself off to bed at about 3.30. Then woke up at 6.08!! Rachel was leaving her place at 6.30 to pick me up to get my car which was at her place. Then I drove down to Seacliff to find these bloody stairs that G told me about. This time I found them! I went up them half a dozen times I guess then I went for a walk along the beach. My legs today are so sore! It is great!! I only said to G the other day did he think I would ever be sore again like that. I like that soreness. It is the sore that you know you have worked hard!!
Taking the kids rollerskating today. The leisure centre have just started doing it $5 each. They only offer it once a month and last month the kids were at Matt's so they are really looking forward to it.
Friday night I went out with Rachel. She ended up driving. I had a bit to drink which was nice. Been a while. Same creepy bald man tried to chat me up again. He is always there. Rachel and I have pretended to be gay before in the vain hope he would leave me alone. But each time we go there he always tries. A nice man came up just as we were about to leave. Looking back I should have danced with him but it was just nice a half decent man thought he would try his luck with me lol.
Dragged myself off to bed at about 3.30. Then woke up at 6.08!! Rachel was leaving her place at 6.30 to pick me up to get my car which was at her place. Then I drove down to Seacliff to find these bloody stairs that G told me about. This time I found them! I went up them half a dozen times I guess then I went for a walk along the beach. My legs today are so sore! It is great!! I only said to G the other day did he think I would ever be sore again like that. I like that soreness. It is the sore that you know you have worked hard!!
Taking the kids rollerskating today. The leisure centre have just started doing it $5 each. They only offer it once a month and last month the kids were at Matt's so they are really looking forward to it.
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
and the dream disappears
Well I am pretty sure I can kiss my cop career good bye. It was awful. Apparently I don't think outside the square, I am not dominate enough, and I just want to get in so I can get men like my bastard ex. We were also talking about Matt hurting the kids and he says "and that upsets you?" well yeah of course it would. But it was like it was wrong of me to be upset.
Mum said that basically they are looking for someone who thinks of themselves. Who are basically arse holes. I am not that. And really the majority of cops are like that. Karen's friend is like that. She is out for herself.
This is something I wanted so much. It is just not going to happen. I honestly didn't think I would get knocked back because of my personality.
So I am at home, alone, in tears. Mum and dad are the only ones who know. But of course the pretence comes out. They don't know how upset I am. Why worry them with how upset I am, how rejected I feel. Why can't anything go right? Why?
One thing. I had subway for dinner. I still have tim tams in the house. I am determined not to eat. I am not hungry. I am not going to give in. But I want to so badly. Food the ultimate substitute for being told that everything is going to be ok and if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be.
Mum said that basically they are looking for someone who thinks of themselves. Who are basically arse holes. I am not that. And really the majority of cops are like that. Karen's friend is like that. She is out for herself.
This is something I wanted so much. It is just not going to happen. I honestly didn't think I would get knocked back because of my personality.
So I am at home, alone, in tears. Mum and dad are the only ones who know. But of course the pretence comes out. They don't know how upset I am. Why worry them with how upset I am, how rejected I feel. Why can't anything go right? Why?
One thing. I had subway for dinner. I still have tim tams in the house. I am determined not to eat. I am not hungry. I am not going to give in. But I want to so badly. Food the ultimate substitute for being told that everything is going to be ok and if it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be.
little butterflies.......
Shit shit shit..... Starting to get nervous now. I also had to wear my size 12 goodwill pants!! Fuck it. I could have worn my 10's but the muffin top exploding over the top is not a look I wish to show. After my minor blow out... ok so a whole pack of tim tams over the space of 6 hours is a major blow out I am back on track today. Bugger the maintenance meeting on Friday, that is the only reason I got them. And now I need to buy another packet. Yeah I could have done something else for the meeting but that is the easiest thing and they were on special. I will just buy another packet just before the meeting.
Ok I am rambling. Anything to fill in a bit of time. I am allowing an hour to get into town but realistically this time of the day I doubt it will take close to that but I need to be sure.
I guess I just need to convey I am a confident, self assured person who has all the qualities to be a cop. Which I have, I just don't apply them to myself. But that doesn't matter. I can be a great cop and my personal life does not effect that.
Ok off to put make up on.
Ok I am rambling. Anything to fill in a bit of time. I am allowing an hour to get into town but realistically this time of the day I doubt it will take close to that but I need to be sure.
I guess I just need to convey I am a confident, self assured person who has all the qualities to be a cop. Which I have, I just don't apply them to myself. But that doesn't matter. I can be a great cop and my personal life does not effect that.
Ok off to put make up on.
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
I've got the knowledge
So I have handed over all the co-op's rent stuff to the guy who is now going to be doing it. I have done this job for 1.5 years. I have organised all the records within an inch of their lives. I have knocked down the arrears owing by $1000's. In order words just to big note myself I did a bloody good job.
I hate handing it over. This guy really doesn't know to much about it. My down fall is I suck as a teacher. I tried to show him sum stuff but i don't think he really got it. I just don't want it all to fall in a screaming heap after I have worked so hard to get it up and running smoothly.
Saw G again today for my PT session. I died but it was good. He wants me to do another flyer for him. He wants to get away from the PT training and go more into fitness and lifestyle coaching. Honestly I love this man. I think it is a great idea with the aim at lower income earners. They would have an initial consult. Work out goals, go through diet, ideas on healthy shopping and eating, etc and then just see him once a month. During that month he would txt them etc reminding them to stay on track, to drink their water etc. One the once a month visits he would do measurements, talk about issues they having and evaluate goals.I think this is fantastic. There is no way I could afford a personal trainer. These people wouldn't have to go to the gym, they could just use what they have. Yet would still have the accountability. For someone like me it would be perfect. Hope it works for him.
The week seems to be flying by. I haven't really done much. Haven't seen anyone really. I am lonely but seem to be coping with it a bit better. Think the key is not to watch romantic chick flicks which end up depressing myself. Don't get me wrong I am desperately lonely, I long for a guy to want to be with me, to just hang out. Of course that isn't happening. But I am not in tears constantly over it. So I guess that is a good thing.
Got the appointment with the psych tomorrow. Fingers crossed it goes well and I move onto the next step quick. My dream is to be in the academy before Christmas so I can start earning some money. I am so broke it isn't funny. Shit that reminds me I need to ring the elec company and beg for more time! (see why it is easy for me to get depressed) At this rate Christmas is going to be sucky again. Great.
I hate handing it over. This guy really doesn't know to much about it. My down fall is I suck as a teacher. I tried to show him sum stuff but i don't think he really got it. I just don't want it all to fall in a screaming heap after I have worked so hard to get it up and running smoothly.
Saw G again today for my PT session. I died but it was good. He wants me to do another flyer for him. He wants to get away from the PT training and go more into fitness and lifestyle coaching. Honestly I love this man. I think it is a great idea with the aim at lower income earners. They would have an initial consult. Work out goals, go through diet, ideas on healthy shopping and eating, etc and then just see him once a month. During that month he would txt them etc reminding them to stay on track, to drink their water etc. One the once a month visits he would do measurements, talk about issues they having and evaluate goals.I think this is fantastic. There is no way I could afford a personal trainer. These people wouldn't have to go to the gym, they could just use what they have. Yet would still have the accountability. For someone like me it would be perfect. Hope it works for him.
The week seems to be flying by. I haven't really done much. Haven't seen anyone really. I am lonely but seem to be coping with it a bit better. Think the key is not to watch romantic chick flicks which end up depressing myself. Don't get me wrong I am desperately lonely, I long for a guy to want to be with me, to just hang out. Of course that isn't happening. But I am not in tears constantly over it. So I guess that is a good thing.
Got the appointment with the psych tomorrow. Fingers crossed it goes well and I move onto the next step quick. My dream is to be in the academy before Christmas so I can start earning some money. I am so broke it isn't funny. Shit that reminds me I need to ring the elec company and beg for more time! (see why it is easy for me to get depressed) At this rate Christmas is going to be sucky again. Great.
Monday, 1 October 2007
on an even keel!
Really nothing happening here. The last few days have seen me do a mountain of co-op stuff. It has been all complicated with trying to work stuff out within the rules, regulations and acts but I have finally finished.
Today I had over the rent stuff to the new rent coordinator. I am now the maintenance coordinator. Supposedly a low work job in case I do get into the cops.
Yesterday I went to the gym and spent some time on the bike. Worked up a nice sweat. Yuk. The got on the treadmill when Karen arrived for another 10 minutes there. We then did body balance. I enjoyed this one better than last week. I am surprised at how flexible I am. I can do all the "advanced" moves so that is certainly a confidence booster. Ok so I maybe over weight but I am fairly fit, strong and flexible!! Lol what guy would complain about that hehehe.
This morning I was up at sparrows fart and drove down to Seacliff to see if I could find these stairs G was telling me about so I could run up and down them. Surprisingly I love stuff like that. Weird I know. Couldn't find them but went for a walk along the beach for an hour instead. Heaps of people out. Public holiday and all I guess.
My eating I think is a bit better. Mind you have have no money and the last few days I have been scrounging around in the freezer trying to find stuff to eat. Thankfully I get paid tomorrow so I can buy some stuff.
It really is the night that is the killer. I need to really work on that. However overall I feel better so I must be doing ok. I think I am heading back into the zone. Big kisses to you G, although I hated him pointing it out to me it is what I needed obviously.
Off to read some of my book now. One of those books where you just don't know if you really want to read it but then you get more than half way through it and think well I have to finish it now so I can find out what happens!! It is taking me forever to read which is a big sign I am struggling with it. It is ok, not bad but not great either. Blood of Angels. Michael Marshall, for those who are interested. A thriller which is usually my book of choice.
Today I had over the rent stuff to the new rent coordinator. I am now the maintenance coordinator. Supposedly a low work job in case I do get into the cops.
Yesterday I went to the gym and spent some time on the bike. Worked up a nice sweat. Yuk. The got on the treadmill when Karen arrived for another 10 minutes there. We then did body balance. I enjoyed this one better than last week. I am surprised at how flexible I am. I can do all the "advanced" moves so that is certainly a confidence booster. Ok so I maybe over weight but I am fairly fit, strong and flexible!! Lol what guy would complain about that hehehe.
This morning I was up at sparrows fart and drove down to Seacliff to see if I could find these stairs G was telling me about so I could run up and down them. Surprisingly I love stuff like that. Weird I know. Couldn't find them but went for a walk along the beach for an hour instead. Heaps of people out. Public holiday and all I guess.
My eating I think is a bit better. Mind you have have no money and the last few days I have been scrounging around in the freezer trying to find stuff to eat. Thankfully I get paid tomorrow so I can buy some stuff.
It really is the night that is the killer. I need to really work on that. However overall I feel better so I must be doing ok. I think I am heading back into the zone. Big kisses to you G, although I hated him pointing it out to me it is what I needed obviously.
Off to read some of my book now. One of those books where you just don't know if you really want to read it but then you get more than half way through it and think well I have to finish it now so I can find out what happens!! It is taking me forever to read which is a big sign I am struggling with it. It is ok, not bad but not great either. Blood of Angels. Michael Marshall, for those who are interested. A thriller which is usually my book of choice.
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