I wish my ex husband would die. Honestly if he got murdered tomorrow I would be the prime suspect as I want him out of my life, I want him out of my kids life. I hate him. I have never hated anyone until I left him. And I hate that as well.
Sunday he hurt Patrick.... again.... I am so sick of this. So is Patrick. He physically hurt Patrick and took his phone away so he couldn't call for help. We went down to the police station after school yesterday to report it but as there were no marks, (nothing new there, there never was with me either) and no witness's there is basically nothing to be done. They are sending a couple of detective's around to talk to him but I don't think he will be admitting it anytime soon.
So Patrick will not be going back to the Matt's. It is going against the order but if Matt doesn't like it well he can take it back to court. The other two kids will still be going back as they "sort of" still want to. While there is still a desire to go they will.
Matt also left a letter in my letter box yesterday which I can only assume is in response to my school letter that I typed up and was very polite and nice. This one was 6 pages of crap. Harping on about how bad I am, how I am to blame for everything blah blah, how he would never hurt his kids and how they want to be with him and he only wants whats best for them.
The worst part of all this is that it is my fault. Matt used to lock Lachlan in the car when he was about 1.5yrs old at night because he wouldn't stop crying sometimes. I am talking in the middle of the night 2am ish. He would then climb back into bed with Lachlan out in the car. I used to have to wake Matt back up to pester him to get him out of the car. I never did anything. I got told later that if i had called the police they would have removed Matt or the kids and things certainly would be different now. So why didn't I do anything? Because I was scared. I was scared about what Matt would do to me. How selfish is that? And now look. If only I had done something.
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3 comments:
Oh Kate.
Don't blame yourself. I know that's easy to say and so hard to do but this is NOT your fault.
You need to repeat to yourself over and over again "I did the best I could do with the resources I had at the time".
I had to do this and it really does help. The guilt and what-if's and if-only's are horrible, especially when you are feeling down.
Matt sucks. (understatement of the year).
He's wrecking his relationship with the kids even more than it is already. All you can do is be strong for them and do all you can do to protect them now.
It all sucks and I wish I could give you a huge hug right now.
Kate
exactly what Raina said. none of this is your fault. and everything is easy to see in hind-sight. you can't go back, but you can go forward, and you are taking all the right steps to keep your kids safe now and in the future. if you feel you didn't protect them back then, forgive yourself, because you have stood up now, you are away from him, and you are being the best mum for your kids! give yourself some praise for that!
thank you both of you. It is just really hard. I am usually fine and then something happens and I just think I could have stopped this. That day it was talking to the cop in the police station. I just feel so helpless.
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