A funny thing happened.....

Men... yep again men..... They really really do my head in. They really are after only one thing. Well actually no that is not true otherwise J would have met me by now. Hey we had worked out our last meeting to the point of a motel room and who was using the bathroom first so sex was going to happen. But the meet didn't happen even though he was going to get it.

Ok so that was a tangent. My reasoning behind this is this little story. I txt G yesterday morning about rock climbing sometime in the future. Well geez he was keen. Surprised me actually. In the txt going back and forth trying to sort out a date, he comes out with, "I think it is about time we had another good bed session hey?" Lol out of left field totally. Now I have mentioned that he doesn't have a girlfriend any more. Hasn't had for a couple of weeks. A bit more back ground which I did mention is when he came to dinner. I didn't go into great depths as to the lead up to that but perhaps I need to as I think I read the signs wrong. So background it is......

When I txt G (we always txt. Very very rarely talk on the phone) about dinner he returned with "will there be extra's at this dinner" or words to that effect. I joked and replied with well I was going to supply dessert but I can include choc as well. (all totally above board and dessert was not a indication of sex lol) Then when I saw him at the gym before dinner it some how came up again and I thought he just wasn't interested and I made the comment "probably not a good idea. Been there done that". He agreed but perhaps it was because I didn't really give him a chance. Who knows perhaps he is just horny and has changed his mind.

So my dilemma is yes I want sex. I miss having someone in my bed for the closeness before, during and after the act. I love the hugs, I love the kisses. I just love that closeness, the talking, just everything really. I know that it won't damage our friendship because we have been there and done that. The only reason though it doesn't damage our friendship is because I pretend. I pretend that I am just happy with the sex that I really really don't want more. When in actual fact I do want more. I want it to be more than sex. I want the whole I am beautiful and he wants to spend his life with me.... lol yeah I know I am sap. But that is how I feel. So do I go back to the something is better than nothing or so I leave things how they are and survive???? Knowing how weak I am I know what is going to happen. But as he said we will discuss at the gym....lol

As for the other dick in my life. There have been quite a few txt's back and forth. Now we have two options here. He is just playing with my head........ or he is a typical male and doesn't not do feelings well and this is the start of him trying to sort it out. Of course I want it to be option 2 because I am a sap. My nature because of my low self esteem is to pour my feelings out in the hope that he will return the favour. Well my friends that is not going to happen this time. Well I am going to try anyway. I am going to play hard to get. A new thing for me. As I am easily got. I am a sucker for nice words. I miss him and I really like him. SO the fear of him not being in my life is actually quite hard to cope with. I hate the fact that I have this thing with him. I also know it is because I have no one else there. He was my only option. Dare I say it?? I feel desperate. In actual fact I do know my weaknesses and he knows them to I guess. I am a sucker. I want to be loved so badly that I grasp at straws. Although I have been hurt so many times I still don't really have trust issues because a few nice words and I am back there. I guess that is why I stayed with Matt for so long. (well one of the reasons.)

So there you go. My non existent love life.

On the car front. I don't get it back until Tuesday or Wednesday. Geez. I hate to think what would have happened if it had been worse. Well I know what would have happened. The car would have been written off. I think even now the insurance company wished they had. Lol good to know I got something out of all the money I have paid I guess.

The puppies yesterday were so cute. Dad washed them and then I dried them. The kids had a ball. The pup's have always been so filthy. (imagine 9 puppies who aren't toilet trained and only just starting to eat in a confined place. They step in all and then step on each other.) Poor dad has to basically clean the cage out constantly as they do make such a mess. And I think bathing is going to be happening weekly now. Although he did say as they get older they stay cleaner longer. I have many photos of the kids with the pups. They will certainly be kid proof by the time they are sold that is for sure. (that is the dogs not kids. Although that is a very very tempting thought)