think I have been here before.

Well that meeting won't be happening. J didn't look at his court order. He thought he knew the arrangements with his son. But he got it wrong and he has his son that night. Ok yes legit excuse but where does it leave me? No where apparently. This has happened before. Something happens he can't meet me but he won't sort something else out. So that is it. I feel like such a fool. And I am sure many people think that I am.

But put yourself in my shoes. I don't have many friends. Especially male friends. 99% percent of my days and nights are spent alone. I sit at home alone (and when I have my kids after they have gone to bed) and I am lonely. I also haven't had a loving caring relationship where the other person actually appreciates me etc etc. This is why I find it so hard to break from J. I have built up this 2.5 year relationship with this man. Who over the phone can make me feel so secure and cared about. Yet won't meet me. He says it is not because he doesn't want to it is just because things happen. Well yes that is true but mate..... try bloody harder.

So that is where I am at now. Trying my hardest to believe that this is his problem and nothing to do with me. Which is hard when basically all your life you have been rejected or abused by men.

On a good note, I finally heard back from the cops. I have the green light to proceed. So first step is all my paper work to submit. (I have my phone restricted at the moment until I can pay my bill. so I can't make calls out. Thank god they left me with Internet) so Tuesday when hopefully I can pay it I will make calls to sort the paperwork out and hopefully have that submitted within a couple of weeks. Then fingers crossed it doesn't take long from there and then I would say it is the exam. Which I have sat before and passed albeit before 3 kids sucked the life out of me lol.

Also have taekwondo grading Wednesday. Laura and Patrick are doing it as well. So madam will finally get her yellow belt. Patrick and I will get our 2nd stripe on our yellow belts. Another injury Wednesday. I was blocking a kick and have ended up with a massive bruise on my palm. I never really thought you could get a bruise on your palm. Live and learn hey!