hanging in there

So the kids are off to vac care today. It only costs me $12 for all three of them. Gives them a chance to do something good and also to get away from each other (and me). I am stressing a bit as money is really really short and I wanted to do stuff with the kids. If the loan car didn't cost $15 per day I would be ok. But that is going to cost all up over $100.

I am sick also of eating and eating. Well not really as I love food but i am eating to much. I need to do something about that. I only need to lose roughly 10 kilos. Although i am not really looking at the scales more the % of body fat. I would like to get down to 25% body fat and see how we go. So for the next 10 weeks I am going to use calorie king and try my hardest to do this. I mean it isn't a huge amount and yet I find it so hard.

Things are ok with me I guess. Generally I am ok. I am sad I guess for the want of a better word. Maybe because I know this is my life and I just have to accept the fact that it is just me and the kids. I have to make all the decisions, there is no one to tell me that I am special etc and to give a rats about me. That I am the only one who is ever going to do everything like, cook, clean, wash, taxi kids around. That I have to go around and pretend that everything is fine when really I hate living life like this. Doesn't matter if I am sick, I still have to do everything. I can't have a day off. This is my life.

So there you go. Oh btw I did get the whipper snipper started after dad gave me some hints! Like flick a certain switch up!!! opps. But hey that rant still stands because it is true lol. I also managed to get my big pressure pump pack thing working again so I could mix up round up and go kill the massive marshmallow weeds. So there are moments when I think I can do it all! However fleeting they may be!

Off for my PT session today. I am going to instruct G to flog me into the ground. I think I need to be the stuffed I can't think.